Sooo confused: Relationships, Sex, Alcohol etc.

[hgchrisfor]

Note: Sorry for the length. But please read all of his to get the whole picture.

I was transferred to Chicago for work earlier this year. There I met a Christian girl that I have been hanging out with for about 6-months. She is great and we seem to be a good fit, however, she is not a virgin and admitted she had two sexual partners in the past. But she has not had sex for three years and was recently baptized.

I have had to be very strong to maintain being a virgin and was hoping to marry another to make sure I get to Heaven. - Will marrying a non-virgin affect me getting into Heaven? Should I stop talking with this girl and find a new potential life partner?

It seems in the Bible that sex before marriage is the worst sin, such as "1 Corninthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? qYou are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

But then Paul also says (but he clearly says him not the Lord) in 1 Corinthians 7:12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. iOtherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." - This makes me think that there were a lot of relationships with virgin and non-virgins, as most non-believers would probably not be virgins.

I am just soooo confused right now. - I thought this girl was literally the girl of my dreams. She is so great: so sweet, smart, funny, beautiful and we have a lot in common. But it comes out that she has had sex before. - Also she drinks alcohol occasionally and may even get drunk. And once mentioned she would like to try a drug just to experience it.

These three things have really thrown me off. - I think we would be great together and could work together to never drink or even think about any drugs (yes I have tried drinking and pot in high school but have been totally "clean" for about ten years). I think we can work that out as we progress, but I am mostly concerned that she is a non-virgin.

I feel like I have put so much time and money into pursing this the past 6-months - and truly thought she was the perfect girl of my dreams, because she is great.

But I don't want to get caught up in things of this world. I know Heaven should be my number one goal. - I have no idea how to proceed. Should I continue on or should I move on????


To finish, I felt God giving me strong, strong signs to pursue her. So I did. - Now I don't know if it was to actually get to a point where we marry, or to learn not to jump into things too fast, spend too much money and/or not ask the right questions up front right away. Don't assume.


I am just sooo confused. This girl is great, I thought she was my dream girl (so sweet, smart, beautiful) but I don't want to fall into a trap and/or temptation, or get caught up in things of this world. - I don't know if this is a test from God, and I should pull-out. If maybe we are meant to be and I can help her and she can help me. I have no idea what to do and don't want my salvation affected.

I think I could continue forward. I just don't know if that's what God wants me to do...

 

[Lewis]

No it will not stop you from getting to heaven, just repent ask God for forgiveness and move on, no biggy. Just because this girl has had sex before in the past, does not mean she is going to hell. Let me tell you something dude, a murderer can ask for forgiveness and go right to heaven. So do you get it now

 

[handy]

I wouldn't break off the relationship just because she isn't a virgin...so she's sinned in her past. So have you, so have we all.

Now, if you believe that she isn't on the same page with you regarding remaining celibate now until she is married...if she believes that it's OK to have sex outside of marriage still, then yeah, you have a problem.

But, just because she's a non-virgin? If she's repented and asked forgiveness, it's a non-issue.

Sex outside of marriage isn't the worst sin...blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is. All others can be and are forgiven when repentance enters in.

Plus there is nothing about being a virgin or marrying a virgin "to get to Heaven"...one "get's" to Heaven by being washed in the blood and regenerated by the Holy Spirit.

 

[theLords]

I have had to be very strong to maintain being a virgin and was hoping to marry another to make sure I get to Heaven. - Will marrying a non-virgin affect me getting into Heaven?

Are you a Mormon? Mormons teach that one must be married to make it into Heaven, however, it is a completely erroneous teaching.

The only way to get into Heaven is to go through Jesus Christ, i.e, the Blood of the Lamb on the doorposts of your heart.

 

[grovenored]

Dating or marrying a Christian who has had sex in the past will not affect you're inheritance of eternal life, this is a false teaching. If she's asked Jesus' forgiveness then she's good.
And you mentioned Paul's words in 1Corinthians, and I would say you need to keep in mind that the culture he was writing to used prostitution openly, even those who thought themselves believers of God. They had girls working in the temples etc. so there probably was loads of virgin/non-virgin relationships. I'd say it's the standard of the relationships, not the individuals pasts that count. Jesus forgives all sins, so don't worry about it.
The main issues here for you seem to be:
1. Does she see pre-marital sex the same way you do now?
2. Does she think drinking to drunkenness is okay?
3. Does she openly seek to try/experience drugs?
You need to ensure you guys see eye-to-eye on everything. If she thinks it's okay to get hammered and you don't drink at all (though you are allowed to, just don't get drunk) then that needs to be addressed. Same goes for the other two, because if you clash on these issues you'll undoubtedly clash on more, which isn't good.
I hope this helps

 

[SkyKing 51]

Good Luck
I have already gave up on love and relationships.

 

[Bonairos]

I feel like I have put so much time and money into pursing this the past 6-months - and truly thought she was the perfect girl of my dreams, because she is great.

First, welcome to the community!

Without repeating some of the good counsel already given, I'm not sure why you stated that you, " . . . have put so much time and money into this . . ."

I'm not sure what you are trying to say there and the relevance it has on your dilemma. Would you care to share more on why it appears to be an issue in deciding to stay or go?


Be blessed, Stay blessed, and be Bold!

 

[xounstaer]

if you are clean for ten years just dont get causght up in usage.
i've been in substances besides green and meds lately myself.
so dont bother asking what i think

i just wonder how big' this usage of her is, coz. is it life or death or uhhhh????
get real, that my advice. btw this whole christian world believes, as to put a point of matter in that fact.

that according to thelogy you believe that what goes for you within thelogical believe gos for each human being. thats what a treu believe is about...

 

[Christ_empowered]

Sexual immorality is bad, but nothing is unforgivable. Are you sure your problem with her sexual past is b/c of your religious beliefs and not a personal desire to marry a virgin? I hate to break it to you, but virgins are hard to come by, even in the Christian community. Christians, after all, are basically just sinner's in God's rehab program.

 

[reba]

Sexual immorality is bad, but nothing is unforgivable. Are you sure your problem with her sexual past is b/c of your religious beliefs and not a personal desire to marry a virgin? I hate to break it to you, but virgins are hard to come by, even in the Christian community. Christians, after all, are basically just sinner's in God's rehab program.