[__ Prayer __] grateful for..."Schizophrenia" ?

[Christ_empowered]

me, yet again. I complain too much. lol. part growing in Him, part...wow, I think I've only now been made remarkably whole (flawed, sins, sin patterns, just...whole...), despite...sin, satan, self, the world...and heavy involuntary shock 'treatments,' wherever one categorizes that sort of 'help.' moving on...

so, I don't think "Schizophrenia" is really a brain disease. if it was, neurologists would handle it. it'd probably show up on brain scans or something. nope. "severe mental illness." wanna know what's...not "funny," but sad? ok. psychiatrists, other mental health 'experts,' advocacy groups...

get on tv and such, and complain about needing "more funding for treatments!" and blah blah blah. I go to a community mental health clinic, the state-funded outpatient places that are supposed to provide care in the community. ok. so...

please, don't give them more money for 'treatment.' lol. its not just me, its...seeing the desperately poor, dirty and poorly dressed and obviously sedated people/'patients' coming out of appointments into the waiting area. its receptionists whispering my personal info (including HIV+ status, true story) to other patients, anyone...as punishment for being 'uppity,' 'non-compliant,' 'thinking he's special,' or just...for -being- a 'mental patient,' I think, honestly.

its volunteering at a non-profit and seeing a bunch of homeless and housing insecure people (here, like in a lot of places, we have people who cycle in and out of housing) sharing the side effect pills for antipsychotics. their psychiatrists -- quite likely someone at the clinic I go to --in all likelihood saw an impoverished individual, pumped them full of Haldol (old, toxic, yet wildly popular option...available in injections that last 3-4 weeks), gave them a prescription for the side effect pill, and grumbled about them to the counselors, receptionists, other shrinks, etc. ugh.

yeah, not a fan. lol. but not super angry, either. Its yet another Romans 8:28 situation, or in a more general sense, a situation in which God uses a believer's weakness and ailments to show His own might, because...


-sigh- "Schizophrenia" is probably not a brain disease, although tranquilizers can help make things make...more sense, for a time. not an ideal long term solution, obviously. Thing is, "Schizophrenia" -is- a social reality, a legal reality. as in...

for me, personally, "Schizophrenia" means what is looking more and more like a way to be a part of my family, again, really for the first time in over 20 years. No one will hire me, even with a clean background and OK credit and...blah blah blah... so, my "Schizophrenia" kind of provides...

-sigh- a degree of invisibility, in the community and really society, as a whole. nearly 8 years into a meaningful walk with The Lord, I kinda think...

perhaps it's better this way, really? Especially in my case, since although I had a "come to Jesus moment" 8 years ago (not trying to make light of it, btw), its taken a while for me to truly come to love The Lord, who loved me (like all Christians...) even when I was an enemy of God. happens. and...

yeah, I dunno. I pray for His -perfect will- for me, flaws and "issues' (ugh. not a favorite word, lol) and all, and...

for now, it would seem that He has willed that I be made healthy! bright eyed! smart! growing in faith! growing in love for Jesus and others! and...

on the one hand, all kinds of lies are spoken about me, my family..I know this because I get taunted with them, sometimes more so than others...

but the invisibility factor, the non-entity factor...honestly, now, it reminds me: even on my best days, on the broad road, I didn't have that much, didn't matter that much, and I apparently never "knew my place in society," or...something. ok, happens. now?

I have been provided with what I need (I'd argue + a bit extra, -despite- the labels, my past and ongoing sins and sin patterns, etc.) for '...life and for godliness...,' and...yeah. honestly, I could do -without- the clinic or any of it, but the non-entity factor reminds me, daily that I must get my eyes fixed on Christ, and Him Crucified.

 

[Edward]

So I don't understand why you think that you still have brain problems? You've said yourself that, you're smarter now, your IQ has increased...you sound like you have all of your faculties. So why do you still believe them over your Lord? You can see the results within yourself of how the Lord Has and IS helping you...So...Believe it Brother! Have faith in God. More faith than in the smartest doctors!

I think this is your lot in life, like it or not. These occurrences of hostility I think is one of two different things.
Either they are a test(s) for you from the Lord.
Or they are spiritual attacks on you.

You have perhaps become dangerous to the kingdom of darkness now that you have been saved. Scripture says that walk with the Lord in His light...and the world will see this light on you. Christ in you, you in Christ...maybe you make them manifest their demons when you come near because of the light within you?

Remember Jesus went into the synagogue and the demons began manifesting? He casted them out. Then when Jesus got off the boat in the Gadarenes I think, that a man with a (legion!) demon came to Him manifesting....It happened to Jesus all the time it seems.. When Jesus came, demons manifested in people.

Now it happens to you. Consider that Brother. It just might be something like that. And remember...Life is 10% what it throws at you, and 90% how you react to it!

Have you ever tried casting them out (Under your breath maybe?)? Or at least pray for them. That's what Jesus did. So we should too.

I continue to pray for you Brother. And over time I am able to see your growth which is evident in your words. So you're doing fine. But rejoice that you be counted worthy enough to be tested....!!

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah, i kinda think this is my lot in life, too. im actually becoming...thankful. The Lord has been and is good to me, despite...everything. True of all Christians, just...different people, different situations, that's all.


i dunno. i like to write. over time, by His grace, I've developed a work-able style. I've started on some fiction, but my inclination is to write on and around social issues, which...wow, OK, I don't wanna be a "woke" Christian writer, right? Right. details, details, details...

there is something to be said for learning, more and more, to lean on Him. I mean, I kinda had to, or go truly crazy...true story. so, its not as if I'm morally superior and made the choice to obey or anything...seriously, I had to. necessity.

as for the clinic, etc...at least its not a hospital, psych ward...or (gasp) what's left of the big state hospital. most of its gone now, anyway, but...from what little I've read about heard about it, once you're in it, you're...in it. as in...good luck getting out, they'll find reasons to keep you there, no matter the cost$ to the state, etc.

so, gratitude. less attitude. an attitude of genuine...wait for it, wait for it...Thanksgiving. and not a moment too soon.

 

[Couppy]

I suggest you continue to look forward and not the past. You are writing, that's great. Continue to focus on the positives in your life. As for those you mentioned kept talking about you - have you considered how to handle the situation? I asked this question once. People like talking about other people to fill up their boring day. You need to know how to handle people's negativity, because it is stressing you out and that is not good for you. You are a Christian, so what will you do to have peace from everything you hear people say about you? without confronting these people (which I do not advise to do).