Stephen Seth Ankrum

I am a 34 year old Christian living in Virginia.I was raised in a non-denominational church called Christ Fellowship in Purcellville,Virginia.My family was very involved and my dad was an elder at one point for most of my life before the age of 18.I went to youth group and church almost every Sunday and my parents raised me to have biblical morals and to love everyone.I struggled with depression unfortunately from an early age,I never knew why and still don't understand why I was depressed and sad even as a child,I even had low self esteem in elementary school and I don't know why.I was teased by other children but so were many other people I know and they never struggled with depression like I do.I also became very angry and rebellious at some point in my teens.I rebelled at church,at home,was mean to my brother and sister and in eighth grade my straight A record dropped to some A's and some B's.In high school my grades steadily dropped until I barely graduated from high school.Thank God I did,my parents always helped me and without them I never would have made it.I began drinking no smoking cigarettes and some marijuana in my senior year and after I graduated I only began to use them more.I started taking other drugs(never used needles thank God) and continued until I was high almost every day.I have since stopped using drugs and drinking,although once in a while (like once evry3 months maybe I will drink a beer but I really don't enjoy it,I think I over did it for too many years)
I also got LYME disease somewhere around 2004-2005,although it went untreated and misdiagnosed until 2008.It left me with terrible joint and muscle pain in my entire body,it was so bad that I couldn't even carry a play with food or a full glass of water.I had to stop working and moved back in with my parents.I was put on antibiotics for about two years until I decided it was too expensive and went off them.I also started seeing a neuropsychologist who daly with pain management through a variety of means,she is not one of those sketchy clinics that just give pain medicine to anyone and then get shutdown by the DEA.I actually had my father go with me and he kept all my medicines since I had a history of drug-abuse.I have been on anti-depressants since 2009 (I had also been on them on and off from a younger age)and now take Zoloft and lexepro.I have also been on morphine since 2010 and only take my prescripted amount and see my doctor monthly who counts my medicines to make sure I am not abusing it,which I don't,my body is obviously addicted to them,but I know take them for the pain and not too get away from my problems which is why I partied and abused alcohol,weed,and other drugs earlier in my life.Due to the extreme exaustion of the disease,I was sleeping whole days,multiple days every week and barely could get out of bed ever since I was infected by the tick with LYME disease so eventually I was prescribed aderol and I take that as well.These are also counted by my doctor,I take xanex as well although not daily,only when I have panic-attacks or become aggitated.I want to get off these medicines and have gone down on my Zoloft twice in he the past year,as well as decreasing my aderol and my morphine,all on my own volition.I have no delusions about being on medicine and believe I have made the mistake of not coming to the LORd who is my doctor(by his stripes we are healed.)and thus my painful life is the result of my actions and my unbelief,irregardless here I am in this situation.I still struggle with depression and hopelessness even though I pray and believe and confess the word,I am not blaming it on God,I take full responsibility for my actions and the consequences of my sins.
I am a musician as well,played piano and trombone in my childhood and teens,the. Started playing guitar and singing.My first band was named the Roustabouts and we played for many years.I now write my own songs in a variety of styles,rock,pop-punk,electronic,indie-rock and instrumentals for use in film,tv and video games although I have not yet been placed in anything nor made money with my music.I am almost finished a recording technology program at northern virginia community college.I had started working again and have become much stronger and better but still have pain and exaustion.
I am also getting married to my girlfriend this November 22,I am hoping to find a church to go to in my area as catholic mass just isn't enough for me.
That is more than enough about me,I hope I didn't ramble and made sense.
God bless you.