[__ Prayer __] 6 years…not wanted here. 😑

[Christ_empowered]

My parents bought this place 6 years ago. It’s nice modest me sized…even has a view! And…

People are openly talking about how I need to be committed and or evicted.

Back when my parents bought it they were able to just pay cash. Now housing prices have gotten so crazy they’d probably have to get a mortgage for anything. Did I mention that I have wonderful parents? Anyway…

So I get frustrated because I deliberately keep a certain distance from all the neighbors. I offer up a friendly wave here and there. A neighbor chatted me up while the power was out and then I texted her that the power had been restored. That’s about as involved as I like to get.

It’s a pleasant modest apartment/condo community. Bunches of apartment buildings with some amenities and some buildings have awesome views. I was blessed with an awesome view and a quieter part of the complex when my parents were able to buy this place. And…

I dunno I’m blessed! I’m trying to focus on gratitude not junk. The junk is irrational anyway. My place is clean I’m clean and I’m doing much better in all respects living somewhat autonomously vs at home . Schizoaffective…in my case it just means relatively high functioning schizophrenia with a strong mood component.

Other reasons to be grateful : I’m physically healthy; my parents are kind to me and they even trust me to look after their pets when they go on trips; I’m living a more decent Christian lifestyle and…

Yup oh and my view lol it really makes my day better.

So I’m not deep in misery or anything but it’s frustrating.

This place like a lot of condo/apartment places seems to have high turnover. People move all the time. Already the upstairs unit has been for sale for a while now and another unit in the building just recently put up for sale. Maybe the next round of neighbors will be better?

 

[Christ_empowered]

I think in Christ I can handle things better. Awesome .

I hit 40 recently. God is Good . I’ve adulted a good bit since moving here. I want friends…not for deep emo stuff but just to do occasional things with but realistically?

Lots of people don’t have friends as adults. My parents told me that it’s extra rough in this area because more so than many other areas it’s about what you have and who you know and what they can possibly get out of you, in all likelihood. I don’t think this area is more materialistic necessarily but it’s a lot more class conscious than other areas and…yeah.

So I’m a blessed individual who cannot work but leads a decent modest lifestyle. I even cook well at times! But…

No friends for now is probably better than fake friends or scheming friends etc.

I get nervous with all the junk talk sometimes. I spent 6 or 7 months in 23 hour lockdown. I think it’s part of the reason I have schizophrenia honestly. It’s not trauma per se…I rarely think about it…

It’s just damaging and I was already physically ill and mentally unstable.

So that’s another thing: stigma. God is kind to the least of these and the things that aren’t…

Not so much the world eek

I can’t seem to escape stigma. I have a misdemeanor conviction and people hiss at me about being a convicted felon etc. oh well. It’s now the only thing on my record…that and it shows what I was initially charged with which was a felony…

But expunged arrests often haunt people. It is what it is…

God is Love. I may have been the only person who thought I’d live this long lol and now I’ve been made healthy and I’m provided with what I need.

Thanks for reading