evenatthedoors
Member
knocking on your door
Accept your servant, my Lord, my Christ, O Most Holy God, and forgive my transgressions and my secret errors
I confess my sins, O Lord, and the sins of our fathers, and the sins of my children, the sins of our generation, wherein we sojourned the earth like strangers, like grasshoppers, like worms, waiting for the day of redemption, continually being in perils, facing horrors in the land of the living, as sheep without the true shepherd, in fear and humbleness is this supplication made, O loving Father
I have loved me and mine own above you, O Lord, I was blind and deaf, and always thought and believed falsely, making what I want to see and believe as truth, I have entirely failed to rejoice in your judgments, for I loved much things and much men, and if your judgment be against me or them, I would shrink or sigh, rather than rejoice in your judgments, constantly debating your judgments, and failed to take your yoke and fulfill your will in me and others
I have secretly been self righteous, and holier than thou against one and all, and could not love my neighbour as my own self
In sheer cunning and indepth love for myself, I departed away from your law of love, and regarded myself above your children, and failed to love them as I love you, for I saw gain in loving you, and not so much in loving them, herewith I became not love
I shrank when your Word came unto me, and in shrinking I did not execute your word as the Word is, but justifying myself thinking it was impossible to do it as the Word is, fearing repression from men, and still believed I was doing your will while ignoring my shrink
I have tried to threaten, coax, force my way into your Kingdom out of desperation, frustration, tears, self righteousness, rather than to acknowledge my sins, repent me of these sins and lament for forgiveness, till I be forgiven and received in grace
I never yearned to learn the true ways of our righteous fathers, suffering prophets and apostles but lived a lukewarm life justified by dead acts, having neither the burning zeal to consume myself nor seeking you as they did with all their lives
I have called the Word of God unequal, for by the Word was my sin revealed, and I could not to justify myself in whatever I did before your Word
I have called the Word of God difficult and impossible, for by the Word I would face afflictions and will loose my family and friends, and be in derision
I have called the Word of God unpractical, for by your Word the law of this land was made a corruption and I sought comfort in corruption than fight valiantly for the Word of truth at all times, so I have called the Word of God obsolete rather than suffer in the world by abiding it, and found deliverance several times using the corrupt law of the land than to wait infinitely upon God’s Word for deliverance
I delivered myself using my own understanding, counsels, skills, debates, vain words, friends many a times than to wait upon your Word, falsely justifying that God may not fully understand my pain or doubting the quickness of the Word of God, instead of breaking down completely
I failed to do the Word of God as is given to me, so I had made up my own amends, one by one, and so on and so forth, everyday adding, amending to fit into the changing days, which change has been because of my yester amends, and in the end, I have failed entirely in the work given to me, and to hide this, I call you unequal, unjust and hard taskmaster, and so I justified myself falsely and continued to live in vanities
I was led by my desires and lusts, so I believed the face of devil which came in the image of my own desires, so I sold my soul to the devil, and made my hands and heart look innocent as if I have been beguiled, but I well knew the sins while I did them as mine
I wanted praise of men, so I appeared to them as a busy body, working according to man’s understanding, trying to earn my own respect before the sight of men, yet deceiving myself as if I were with God’s Word and with man, and altogether altering and forgetting the very purpose of my existence here, and coveted wealth for deliverance
I dealt very subtle with your Word, O Lord, never once did I entirely believe in it as I had been doing or thought so, but doing it in a little here and a little there, altogether corrupting your Word, but feeling justified falsely as being vulnerable, small and incapable, with no desire to wear your true strength to fight for your righteousness
I appeared as if I wanted the will of God in my life, yet secretly prayed and wanted my will all my life, for God to see me and judge me as I see and judge myself, and to be glorified by God and men, never seeking after God’s glory in me but my glory in God
I appeared to do your Word, yet I was disobedient and in truth I was always doing my own word, and wanting others to believe in my word rather than your Word, O Lord, forgetting that your Word is pure and has been purging the generations, since Adam till mine, forgetting my word and my flesh is as grass, withering as the day dawns, failing to perceive your Word is forever established in the heavens
I have forsaken your ways, and worshipped my idols, my ideologies, and justified them for my sufferings, and the more I suffered the more I justified my own thoughts and deeds, and the more I slipped away from you, the more was I filled with anger and frustration, thereby entirely losing my way to your Kingdom
I was indifferent to your Word, O God, shrugging and considering me to be a sinner as the Word witnessed right to my face, feeling pity for myself, knowing I am a little short of grace, but never once rending myself apart to execute your Word in me and in others
My days had been long and tiring, wearisome and faint with weakness, and a little by little I started slipping, and went frowardly in my own ways, and when the Correction came, I justified myself in my anguish and suffering rather than stand upright and correct my ways, and could not see your faithfulness in your afflictions, but filled the days with constant complaints and murmurings, causing sickness of spirit, and failed to see your love over and beyond the afflictions
I have been dragged into the travail out of your love for me, and the travail had been continual and unforgiving, I did your work as if imposed and not of free will, and there has not been one free will offering, and I have not consumed my days seeking after you and only you, righteous God, and failed you continually
I went through these days only by the strength of what is to come after life rather than perfecting myself in this life, secretly also seeking my own honour in this life, which I have done, and brought not your Kingdom as I been weak in your Word, and neglected your righteousness
I have deluded myself into believing that your hand was with me, while I was so away with you as much as no deliverance was found, I did not wake up to correct myself and stand upright in you, but laxed greatly out of fear and insecurity, rather than seeking your face early
I was forced to trust in education, sciences, institutions which are against thy faith, but I weakly caved in for the fear and reproach of men
To cover my own transgressions I laid heavy yokes on others, and by oppression and revolt I prevailed over them to my cause and my gain
I was afraid to let go all and trust you completely, and did not realize that it is the reason why fear filled me in all ways, and so lived I a fearful life in the world
I have been a puppet in the hands of the world, rather than an instrument in your hands, O Lord, and sung and played to their whims
I have falsely called the churl and wicked righteous, and respected the manner of people, and delivered not the oppressed for the fear of others
I have abandoned your Word, as it seemed to be covered with clouds of darkness round about, so I delayed your word to gain time for little and vain pleasures
I executed all righteousness out of my weakness, and not of your strength, and I could not set your judgments on the earth
All my judgments have been partial, not one has been true to thy Word, justice, truth and equity that I know of
I have sworn falsely and performed not the vows I made unto you, taking your name in vain, and greatly caused you displeasure, and there are no excuses
I lacked your burning anger and consuming zeal to burn the sinners out of the land, and to hate entirely those that hate you
In doing these I have departed from truth and righteousness, and failed to establish your King in me and all over the land
We have been ill prepared for the day of judgment, O Lord, which is come upon burning in the anger of the Lord upon the whole land
Mercy, mercy, mercy, O Lord, I repent whole heartedly, in your wrath remember your mercy, and gather me with your saints in your tender mercies and loving kindnesses, quicken me according to your Word, raise me up in your righteousness, and I will be careful after your birth, with my life I will be careful, with my eyes I will be careful, with my hands I will be careful, with my whole self I will be careful, not taking thy Word for granted but in full image live up to the Word
Thy blood is all I have for a testament between me and thou, O Lord, let its power redeem this thy servant to the assembly of thy saints
Let not this moment passover by me, nor the hour of glory, nor the day of Lord, that has come upon us as thief in the night, while the world lies sleeping
