My fiance and I have been living together with our son (age 2) and her 2 daughters from a previous relationship (ages 4 and 6) for 3 years now. Ever since we first moved together I give her an allowance of $300 a week to be a stay at home mom. I still pay for food and gas. Last month I had some past due rent for one of my offices and I had to take it out of her allowance so I didn't pay her for 3 weeks and she didn't complain. This past Monday I gave her $300 and today she wanted another $100. I told her that was fine. Then later on she called me and said she wanted another $300, I told her that I can only give her $150. Then she got upset and started saying why I have to pay for my parents cell phone out of her money. I only pay $60 a week for there cell phone. My dad is 74 works part-time and my mom works full time. I took it as disrespect and I got very upset. I wanted to ask some opinions here. Is she right? Is it my obligation to live up to what I tell her. Or do I need to have a talk with her about this. I really don't know how to handle this situation for the future.
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Abusive Fiance
- Thread starter MarkM
- Start date
B
Brother Mike
Guest
I would re-examine the moving in together part, then ask yourself again why there might be trouble.
Mike.
Mike.
handy
Member
Hello Mark, welcome to the forum.
You say that you feel she disrespected you. I would like to say that your whole relationship is somewhat disrespectful. Why live with someone, bear children with her and be with her for 3 years, without marrying her? The disrespect would be towards each other and towards God. Basically, she's getting paid $300 a week as a live in housekeeper/nanny and went without pay for 3 weeks. That -$900. On the fourth week, she got $400 and asked for another $150...still leaving her $450 short.
You know what? I am a stay at home wife and mom and we never have these kinds of issues, because we are married, our money is in accounts together and we make decisions together as man and wife for the good of the family.
After 3 years and one child, why are you not honoring God, this woman and yourself with marriage? Then your family finances can be put under the umbrella of marriage and the two of you could work these issues out in a godly manner?
You say that you feel she disrespected you. I would like to say that your whole relationship is somewhat disrespectful. Why live with someone, bear children with her and be with her for 3 years, without marrying her? The disrespect would be towards each other and towards God. Basically, she's getting paid $300 a week as a live in housekeeper/nanny and went without pay for 3 weeks. That -$900. On the fourth week, she got $400 and asked for another $150...still leaving her $450 short.
You know what? I am a stay at home wife and mom and we never have these kinds of issues, because we are married, our money is in accounts together and we make decisions together as man and wife for the good of the family.
After 3 years and one child, why are you not honoring God, this woman and yourself with marriage? Then your family finances can be put under the umbrella of marriage and the two of you could work these issues out in a godly manner?
Matthew G
Member
Hello, Mark. 
Oh, boy. Me weighing in on relationships...are we sure we want that?
I'm just kidding. But in all seriousness, I think the entire structure - not the relationship itself - but the structure of your relationship needs to be re-examined and adjusted. As others have already pointed out, living together until you're married is a mistake, and to be totally frank it's living in sin. And it's hard to receive God's blessings when you're deliberately doing something you shouldn't. However, that's already been addressed so I will stop that particular topic right there.
Regarding your money - here's the deal, plain and simple. The two of you plan to marry. When you are married, you will become one flesh. At that point, the words "my" "mine" "yours" "your" "his" "hers" etc., no longer apply. Everything is "ours". It's not your money or her money, it is your (as in plural) money.
The notion of giving her an allowance is one I don't agree with at all, for the reason I just stated.
As far as paying for your parents' cell phone, I won't really say much to that because I don't know the specifics, but perhaps this is something you should not be doing? I honestly don't know, but it did send up a "huh?" flag for me.
Bottom line, I believe good Christian counseling should be something the pair of you seek out yesterday. As I tell everyone, if she won't go with you then go by yourself.
But I sincerely believe the first step is to adjust the structure of this relationship. You've lived together 3 years, but you are not married. May I ask, is there something holding you back? Are you concerned about the cost? Perhaps the children?
Just looking for a little perspective.
Oh, boy. Me weighing in on relationships...are we sure we want that?
I'm just kidding. But in all seriousness, I think the entire structure - not the relationship itself - but the structure of your relationship needs to be re-examined and adjusted. As others have already pointed out, living together until you're married is a mistake, and to be totally frank it's living in sin. And it's hard to receive God's blessings when you're deliberately doing something you shouldn't. However, that's already been addressed so I will stop that particular topic right there.
Regarding your money - here's the deal, plain and simple. The two of you plan to marry. When you are married, you will become one flesh. At that point, the words "my" "mine" "yours" "your" "his" "hers" etc., no longer apply. Everything is "ours". It's not your money or her money, it is your (as in plural) money.
The notion of giving her an allowance is one I don't agree with at all, for the reason I just stated.
As far as paying for your parents' cell phone, I won't really say much to that because I don't know the specifics, but perhaps this is something you should not be doing? I honestly don't know, but it did send up a "huh?" flag for me.
Bottom line, I believe good Christian counseling should be something the pair of you seek out yesterday. As I tell everyone, if she won't go with you then go by yourself.
But I sincerely believe the first step is to adjust the structure of this relationship. You've lived together 3 years, but you are not married. May I ask, is there something holding you back? Are you concerned about the cost? Perhaps the children?
Just looking for a little perspective.
B
Brother Mike
Guest
He still owes the Women money!!!! Baby sitting is not cheap. I tried not to be "Snarky" but Handy in with the break down.
Mike.
KayGraham1611
Member
I would have to agree with [MENTION=4376]handy[/MENTION] on this also. But i am also in a marriage and i have three kids and i dont get paid to watch my own children. If i need something i ask my husband if i want something we talk about it and if its in the budget then i usually can get it. But my advice as far as the money thing goes is just that. It needs to be discussed between the 2 of you. And i commend you for helping your parents out, especially if they need it. And Im sorry if this is rude but if it were her parents that needed the help would she have been so upset? That is my 2cents.
iLOVE
Member
The spirit of the world (human wisdom), the spirit of jezebel (dangerous & recruits), the spirit of whoredom (fornication), and the spirit of mammon (money) is present. You can make the Cross of Christ ineffective. It is possible for Christians to void out the Cross. To make the Cross void is to cancel out the Cross benefits to you. If we are to fix any problem we must not void out the Cross. Disconnection from the Cross is disconnection from God's power. To fix any problem that exist in your life, whatever it is, you must understand the problem and then locate the sin behind it. Once you have identified the sin that is at the root of the problem (I have listed above for you), you can now invoke the problem. The message of the Cross is the work of Jesus Christ in satisfying the issue of sin. This is the message of the Cross. When you bring in human wisdom you void out the power of the Cross. When you ignore, resist, or reject the truth of God, you open yourself up for God wrath. This includes government, schools, jobs, your home, and churches.
iLOVE
Member
We accepted Christ when got saved. But as a Christian we are in a process of sanctification when the Grace of God brings about the transformation of life and you experience being saved. The way you experience being saved, having already becoming saved is by the power of God as it is attached to the Cross of Christ. When you cut off the Cross of Christ the power of the Gospel doesn't reach your life or situation. Now that you have received salvation God now wants you to experience his power which is connected to the Cross that saved you. Christ is the source and the Cross is the means.
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Um, in another thread I mentioned how I should teach a class to young men and women about sex and sexuality... this would be one of the scenarios I would warn everyone against.
Why?
Cause I'm mean?
No.
Because heartbreak and heartache is what this very scenario produces 100 % of the time.
You have a child with this woman so whether or not you get married or have sexual relations in the future or none of the above... you are linked to this woman forever. She is the mother of your child... and with others she's the mother of their kids now there's a field of players all in some capacity linked to the mother of your child.
To guys who are being seduced by women with kids... R U N L I K E H E C K ! ! !
Women too.
Blended families are battlefields... there will ALWAYS come a time when their kid will take precedence and preference over you!!!
If I were to give you advice MarkM... be the best father you can be to your child but break it off with his mother and never sleep with her again, and hope you can find a good wife elsewhere who will tolerate your situation because there will always be trouble. I wish I could have warned yo about this before, my brother.
Why?
Cause I'm mean?
No.
Because heartbreak and heartache is what this very scenario produces 100 % of the time.
You have a child with this woman so whether or not you get married or have sexual relations in the future or none of the above... you are linked to this woman forever. She is the mother of your child... and with others she's the mother of their kids now there's a field of players all in some capacity linked to the mother of your child.
To guys who are being seduced by women with kids... R U N L I K E H E C K ! ! !
Women too.
Blended families are battlefields... there will ALWAYS come a time when their kid will take precedence and preference over you!!!
If I were to give you advice MarkM... be the best father you can be to your child but break it off with his mother and never sleep with her again, and hope you can find a good wife elsewhere who will tolerate your situation because there will always be trouble. I wish I could have warned yo about this before, my brother.
iLOVE
Member
Before you spread human wisdom (the spirit of the world) read the story of Mary and Joseph. Please pray for a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him to get Godly wisdom. Ephesians 1:17 KJV / Matthew 22: 36-40 NIV