Advice for a single parent

[ruby917]

OK, so I am a single parent of school age twins. I struggle with how to handle a lot of situations. They go to public school, and it seems like kids these days are getting into more and more scary behavior at a younger age than ever before. Without a father around (he is deceased) I don't have any real support emotionally and I fear for these children. I guess I worry that the world is going to get ahold of them and suck them in. Right now, they are loving the Lord, and I know I'm truly blessed.

However, there are so many issues: discipline, homework, time spent with them (they are 1 boy and 1 girl) ect. I guess I feel like I constantly come up short. God knows, and I pray for them often. I know He's in control, and I know that while I'm single, He's the husband and the father for our family. I still often feel a lop-sidedness to our family.

I just wanted to know if anyone has a similar situation, or maybe some advice for the tough times.

 

[heather]

I cannot offer advice, but I can offer up a prayer for you...

 

[JoJo]

Boy, do I feel your struggles! I'm also a single mom (four children, ages 19, 17, 14, 11).

Do you have any other support? Friends? Family? I know I couldn't make it without my mom and sisters. My mom, especially, was at my side the entire time my oldest child went through cancer treatment several years ago. If it wasn't for her, I don't know how I would have made it through. If you don't already have a support system, pray and ask God to send you loving, caring people into your little family's life.

I know what you mean about kids getting into scary things. I've raised my children in a Christian home with Christian principles. But no matter what we do as parents, the world is still a very real influence on our children. We have to trust God to protect them and bring them back if they stray. The Lord did this for my son. Although he was raised to know Jesus, he fell into the enticing trap of the dark world (I won't go into details...suffice it to say that he was teetering towards satanism) and even cancer didn't snap him out of it. It wasn't until last spring that my son was saved on a missions trip with his friends. The point of my story is this: Even though I raised my son in a Christian home, the world got a hold of him, but God brought him back! Praise the Lord! He loves His children!

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." :yes

 

[Sparkey]

Greetings ruby917!

Nice to see you here. I'm an "empty-nester" now and my two sons are "out on their own" being age 25 and age 22. I'm a grandpa type and loving it very much. Can you imagine an old soldier who has been given his peace? There are scars if you look close but mostly? It's nice, but this wasn't always the case.

I was a single dad with two sons (since the time when my youngest was 3 years old). My youngest boy had a G-Tube (Gastronomy tube into his stomach) when he was 3 months and my older son was labeled Severely Behaviorally Disabled (now called Emotionally Disabled) from kindergarten on. Suffice it to say -I've seen my share of battles and trial. The Scripture in James chapter 1 became my favorite (life savers).

Count it (consider it, think about it this way - because it won't feel this way - but reckon it)
ALL JOY (your chiefest source, your primary JOY)
When you fall (through no fault of your own -as is often the case with children)
Into Divers / Various Trials. (all kinds of troubles / trial)

Knowing this: (Again a reference to how we are to think about it)
That the trial of your faith
Produces Endurance
And let Endurance have its perfect work -that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing.

<the above was purely from memory, pardon if it isn't pure KJV - it's from in me>
_______________________________________________________________________

Now, I used to work in a 5 story building at a large insurance company (when the boys were small) and had lots of "wise women" to speak to about raising children. So I took advantage of it and asked the elder women essentially, "If you were starting to raise kids again - what one thing would you do differently?"

The one answer that I heard consistently was, "I would pay less attention to my house and housework and more attention to my children." <<-------- that made sense to me and I adopted that reasoning early on into my parenting style. The other things that I would have to be express my gratitude for is something that I know you have deep within. Whenever we have problems we run to our Father and bring them to Him. Jesus was zealous the his Father's house be a house of prayer. So my advice would be that you understand the purpose of the trials and the purpose of the concerns - that these very things that seem so troubling today are the same very things that when it comes time to cast your crown(s) at the Feet of our King -the very things that you will "Count it all Joy", Consider the source of your chiefest joy -the very things that brought you again and again to our Father in prayer and earnest supplication.

Don't hesitate to put your face down before God, you already know how to humble yourself and doing this as a parent while waiting for Him to lift your head and for Him to answer your prayers into the lives of your children is a very, very good thing.

________________________________________

Okay - here's another thing. Take time for you. Force time that is simply for you and be "selfish" about it. It's easy to get caught up in doing things for others - but you gotta know that God is vitally concerned bout you! A dry well doesn't make the best watering hole, right? Sneak away in the evenings after the kids fall asleep - go check on them - peek at their lovely sleeping faces and let that sight refresh you. Then go to your prayer closet and praise your Father for what he is doing. Most of all seek him in the private times for you. Your need first is a strange thought maybe for a care-taker but it is the right thought.

If you were on an airplane and there was a sudden drop in cabin pressure the oxygen bags would pop out. The right way of it (even or maybe especially if you have kids) is to put on your own mask first before you try to help others. Frankly speaking you won't be of much use if you don't take oxygen to you first. This is not an exaggeration -each parent needs to seek God for him/her self first.

God bless you and also yours, ruby917.

Hope this helps and know that you have our prayers!
Better yet, as a parent, you have the focus and full support of your Father God in Heaven. :yes

~Sparrowhawke


Please take a moment to review these promises. Love them. They are part of my best treasure:

• Psa 17:5 Hold up my goings in thy paths, [that] my footsteps slip not.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Psa 85:13 Righteousness shall go before him; and shall set [us] in the way of his steps.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Psa 119:133 Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Psa 121:3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Psa 121:8 The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• 1Sa 2:9 He will keep the feet of his saints, and the wicked shall be silent in darkness; for by strength shall no man prevail.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Job 23:11 My foot hath held his steps, his way have I kept, and not declined.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Job 23:12 Neither have I gone back from the commandment of his lips; I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary [food].[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Pro 16:9 A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Jer 10:23 O LORD, I know that the way of man [is] not in himself: [it is] not in man that walketh to direct his steps.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Psa 40:2 He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, [and] established my goings.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Pro 4:26 Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.
  delighteth[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Psa 147:10 He delighteth not in the strength of the horse: he taketh not pleasure in the legs of a man.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Pro 11:1 A false balance [is] abomination to the LORD: but a just weight [is] his delight.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Pro 11:20 They that are of a froward heart [are] abomination to the LORD: but [such as are] upright in [their] way [are] his delight.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Jer 9:24 But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I [am] the LORD which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these [things] I delight, saith the LORD.[/*:m:1p7okmym]
• Hbr 13:16 But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.[/*:m:1p7okmym]

 

[ruby917]

Thank you JoJo and Sparrow for your genuine care. JoJo, to answer your question, I have only my mom close by, and she sees them occasionally. I feel the need to be careful, as she is in a questionable relationship with a man, and I don't want my children to get influenced by it. It seems when my mother comes to visit, he often "shows up". Their father's side has seen them maybe three or four times in their lives. As you can see, I rely heavily on my Heavenly Father for support!

Sparrow, you touched me with your words, and I thank you. I too, remember a piece of advice I had heard about raising children. "Never say no when you CAN say yes." Of course we don't tell them yes all the time to everything, but the idea is to spend as much time with your children while you can, and enjoy every minute. I don't want to turn them away because I'm "too tired" or "don't feel" like doing something with them. A day will come when they will be grown, and only the memories of having little ones say "I love you mommie" will be there.

I respect very much the trials you both went through raising your children, and the enduring faith to stay strong in the Lord. It does give me hope and comfort to know that God is faithful, and waiting for His prodigals to come home. And I pray I will be a good steward of what He has entrusted me with.

The world is a scary place, but 'Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world.' :amen

 

[Sparkey]

Sparrow, you touched me with your words, and I thank you. I too, remember a piece of advice I had heard about raising children. "Never say no when you CAN say yes." Of course we don't tell them yes all the time to everything, but the idea is to spend as much time with your children while you can, and enjoy every minute. I don't want to turn them away because I'm "too tired" or "don't feel" like doing something with them. A day will come when they will be grown, and only the memories of having little ones say "I love you mommie" will be there.

You're recalling things for me - hmmmmm.... how to say this?
When I read what you write it triggers a memory. Yes, that's better.

There were "golden moments" that our Lord would place in our paths. Little nuggets of treasure that could only be seen if we were aware that they had been placed directly into our path, and "hidden" only a little. The idea was to find inspirational moments between me and my children - but it was more.

Like hide and seek? But it was the Lord who hid the treasures. We were coming home from the Grocery Store and my arms with full of bags of groceries and then ***A Hint of A Moment****

--------------->>>> "HERE" <<<<------------------

It called to me somehow - what were my kids saying?

As I looked into their game at that instant something from my childhood was remembered.
I set down the groceries
I set down my cares and responsiblities
I set down my "adultness" and didn't open the door.

We played and they listened as I sung a song about Two Young Heroes.
Two Mighty boys who could chop down trees with their bare hands...

YES!! It was a moment that we could share.
No, it didn't take long.
No, it didn't cost much. I only had to set down my burdens for that moment.
Become willing to find the treasure and act.

Those were the moments that I celebrate. They were gifts and my life with my children became a hunt for treasure that our Lord had hidden between us.

Thank-you, Ruby917 for even though we are strangers far and distant...
You and I have also just shared...
... a moment

• [list:31wcta23]<hidden by the Lord somewhere along the joined path of parents (us)>

[/list:u:31wcta23]


~Sparrowhawk

 

[ruby917]

:amen

 

[Timf]

I know some parents that homeschool and won't allow a TV in their house. They have a philosophy of isolating their children from the evil in the world. I know some other parents who feel that their children are in public school to be missionaries for Jesus.

We disagree with both views. The first is that while isolation from the world can sound attractive, there seems to be less work that we can do for the Lord. We disagree with the second view because children are still learning and more likely to be conformed to the environment in which they are placed rather than changing the environment.

We have chosen to homeschool. It doesn't sound like this is an option for you. You might have some success instructing your children at home so that they can observe their school environment from a critical perspective of truth.

When our oldest daughter was five she walked into the living room and observed a large woman with a bright pink feather boa on playing the piano with great enthusiasm on a Lawrence Welk TV show. She said, "Look, she is immodest even though she has her clothes on". I thought this was a perceptive observation from someone so young.

You might want to talk with your children about each day and ask them to tell you what happened. You can guide them to make observations about who said what or who did what and help them to classify what happened in terms of

1. Was it true?
2. Was it kind?
3. Was it selfish?
4. Was it mean?
5. Was someone acting like they were older to impress others?
6. Was somebody flaunting their clothing or toys?
7. Was somebody showing Jesus in their life or the world (via TV etc.)

Strenuous prayer on your part would almost be a necessity to cover your children from the wiles of Satan. He has constructed public education specifically for the purpose of striping faith away from children. Your children have to see faith as something real and meaningful every day. They have to understand how school attempts to mock Jesus and undermine the Bible.

I understand that you already have a difficult job raising two children on your own. However, you still have time while they are young to teach then to have real faith that will sustain and protect them as the world around us plunges ever faster into darkness.

It is sad that churches have generally become so useless to help Christians grow into the image of Christ (their primary purpose). I would suggest that you seek out an older wiser Christian woman (if you can find one) who clearly shows the light and love of Jesus in her life and ask her to help you learn to know Jesus as well as she does.

You are the only hope your children have to resist the powerful tide of evil sweeping through our culture and in particular through our schools.