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Backbiting' Back Stabbers

Lewis

Lewis

Member
I Lewis recently had to let go a friend' who does nothing but talk about people. I had been friends with this girl for 40 something years and throughout the whole time she has done nothing but talk about people, and dislike people that she did not even know' finding fault with them. I finally got tired of her and put her out my house about 2 and a half weeks ago. And told her never to return, she would try too make me look bad by bringing up my past to anyone who would listen. And if you don't agree with her she will hate you. She even talks about the people in our church' people that she hardly knows. I don't want to be friends with her anymore' so when we are in church I will stay in my lane and I want her to stay in her lane. I am trying to forgive her without being a friend to her. She can't have friends very long because she always keeps some garbage going, so I want her out my life till my death. Some people are just not good for you. I found this article below on this topic.

Lewis

http://www.2knowmyself.com/why_do_people_talk_about_others

Why do people talk about others

Why do people talk about others in their absence?
Why would a person talk about his close friend in a bad way as soon as he leaves?
Why would a person talk about the bad way his friend is treating him in front of everyone but his friend?
After studying psychology for years i came to realize that 10 different people could be doing the same exact behaviour for 10 different reasons.
We can never make conclusions about someone's intentions before we get to know more about his personality for it will be the reference we are going to use to interpret his behaviour.
In this article i will tell you about the reasons people talk about others and tell you how to understand those people even more.
Reasons people talk about others

Don't make the mistake of judging a person without knowing more about his beliefs, values and past experiences. If you know the person well then most likely you will be able to pick up the correct reason that is motivating him to talk about others from the ones below:

  • 1) Jealousy: People talk about others when they feel jealous. A person who feels jealous will try to put the one he is talking about down so that he feels good about himself. If the person has really bad intentions then he will talk about the person he is jealous of in a bad way that makes others hate him
  • 2) Inferiority: People talk about others in a bad way in their absence in order to appear better than them. If a person feels inferior to someone then he might talk about him in a bad way in order to appear superior to him in front of others
  • 3) Lack of courage: Some people hate to confront others directly and as a result they prefer to talk about them in their absence after they do something bad to them rather then face them directly. If a person talks in a bad way about someone all the time because he did something bad to him then know that he lacks courage (see How to be brave in life)
  • 4) He Likes the person he is talking about: One of the signs that shows that a person is interested in someone else is talking about him a lot. In such a case the talk will be positive or at least his mood will be positive while talking about that person even if he was saying negative things (see Signs that shows that someone likes you).
  • 5) Weakness: People talk about others in a bad way in their absence when they believe that they can't get their rights back from them. If a large muscular person punched you in the face then you kept talking about him in his absence then know that you are doing so because you believe that you can't knock him down and that you are trying to release this energy of revenge by talking about him
Talking about others is a sign of weakness

As you can see in most cases people who talk about others are the ones who are in the weak position.
Gossiping or talking about others in a bad way in their absence is most cases a sign that shows that you have a certain personal flaw.
If you found yourself gossiping then you must find out the reason behind it and then work on fixing the personal flaw that resulted in this bad habit.
On the other hand if you knew that someone was talking about you in your absence then just send him this article :)
 
Lewis W said:
Talking about others is a sign of weakness
Click to expand...
THe screwball I work for has NOTHING good to say about ANYONE. This is no exaggeration. He plays the role of the tough guy, but he's really just a jerk.
"Lack of Courage" fits him well, too. But above all, the man has NO character at all.

I dumped my last girlfriend once and for all due to her CONSTANT yammering on and on negatively about people.



THese kinds of people are POISON.



On the other hand if you knew that someone was talking about you in your absence then just send him this article :)
Click to expand...
I might just do that.
 
I've known and/or worked with more men who gossip than women. I used to laugh about that; after all, the stereotype is that only women are gossips. .

Another reason why some people gossip: To be the center of attention. They were spoiled/fawned over for some extended period of time in their lives, and they have learned that providing gossip keeps them in the center of attention for a time until additional juicy gossip can be collected. This could be viewed as a form of 'weakness' but it's actually learned behavior.
 
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AirDancer said:
Another reason why some people gossip: To be the center of attention. They were spoiled/fawned over for some extended period of time in their lives, and they have learned that providing gossip keeps them in the center of attention for a time until additional juicy gossip can be collected. This could be viewed as a form of 'weakness' but it's actually learned behavior.
Click to expand...

:thumbsup
 
Men more likely to gossip than women - survey

Forget the assumption that women are the biggest gossips - a new survey out today concludes men are by far the worst culprits.
A fifth of those asked said they spent at least three hours a day gossiping - mainly at work - with the main topics including women colleagues and who is in line for promotion.
One in 10 men like to dish the dirt on other people, compared with 4% of women, while more men than women are guilty of spreading rumours, according to the poll.
Some 55% of men said they gossiped at work, compared with 46% of women whose top topics were family feuds, followed by the latest storyline in EastEnders, old school friends, fashion errors and what neighbours are like.
Among men the favourite subject is old school friends, then the sexiest girl at work, promotions, salaries, and finally their best friend's conquest, the survey found.
At home, 17% of men confess they were more interested in pillow talk than sex, with only 10% of women saying the same. However, a fifth of girlfriends and wives said they preferred to gossip with a mate than their partner.
The poll of 1,033 adults conducted last month across the country.
It was carried out by BMRB Research on behalf of BT's new Buzz-In facility, which allows up to 20 people to talk with one another on the same line at the same time.
David Sales, director of BT Conferencing, said: "Our research shows that, as a nation, we're fascinated with gossip, whether it's about work, our love lives or the latest soap.
"Yet it's men who are more likely to gossip the day away, dispelling the myth that women are the only ones who like to spend hours chin wagging."
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-83255/Men-likely-gossip-women--survey.html

MEN indulge in gossip more than women about secret liaisons, inept lovers and overpaid colleagues, a study says today.

It helps boost their confidence, says the survey of American college students. Women are more inclined to pass on tittle-tattle to bond with their friends and build closer relationships with colleagues.

Holly Hom, a PhD student at the University of Virginia, asked a group of students to write a weekly diary, noting how they felt when they gossiped about people. She said it was clear that both sexes enjoyed passing on mischievous information about others, but men enjoyed it more.

Presenting her findings at the American Psychological Society's annual conference in Toronto, she said the report challenged the widely-held view that women gossiped more than men. She said: "Men definitely seem to be getting more out of gossiping than women.

"We found that men felt better about themselves when they criticised another person's behaviour. It gave them a sense of moral superiority and showed others that they knew the difference between right and wrong."


​
 
James 3:7-9 hits the nail on the head like a smart bomb I think."Human beings can tame and have tamed allother creatures- wild animals and birds, reptiles and fish.8. But no one has ever been able to tame the tonque .It is evil and uncontrollable, full of deadly poison.9.We use it to give thanks to our Lord and Father and also to curse other people ,who are created in the likeness of God."T.E.V.
I am just as guilty , what more can one say exept remember these words and resist temptation of spreading a story behind another believer or non-believer's back espesially if you are neither "part of the problem nor the solution" Rick Warren Purpose Driven Life .In his chapter on Cultivating Community pertaining to gossip Rick offers this advice,which I find relavant to the case in hand."God hates gossip, espesially when it is thinly disquised as a 'prayer request' for someone else.God says 'Gossip is spread by wicked people ,they stir up trouble and break up friendships.'Proverbs 16:28 T.E.V.

Gossip always causes hurt and division,and it destroys fellowship;and God is very clear we are to confront those who cause division among Christians"unquote (I would also include Non-Christians here in line with Peters advice in I Peter 2:17 "Love one another ,repect other religions")

In dealing with the matter Rick even gose as far as to offer the following suggestion regarding stubbon cases ."They may get mad and leave your group or church if you confront them about their divisive actions, but the fellowship of the church is more important than any indervidual"
 
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