Forgiveness is not something that happens in isolation after an offence.
In fact forgiveness is not real if there is not a reaction from the offender, that of repentance.
Our example is God. He did not just forgive the Israelites.
Again and again God called them to turn, to repent, of there wicked ways and to pray.
God then promised to forgive them, to restore them.
In our salvation we are not just forgiven of our sins, we have to repent and receive.
In the same way we are torebuke, explain, tell the offender of their offence.
On their expression of sorrow, apology etc we forgive.
The many warnings about not being forgiven if we do not forgive are because people are not forgiving when they have to forgive.
Which raises the question what do we do if an offender will not or cannot repent.
Jesus on the cross shows us.
Like 23 :44. He prays Father forgive them. Jesus does not say I forgive them, rather he hands them over to God to deal with, while indicating his intention that they be forgiven.
We should do the same, telling God of the incident, the offender(s), our feelings about it and them, and asking God to deal with them and our feelings.
Then we should also pray intelligently for the good of our offender(s), doing this regularly.
This is hard, requires genuine love for the other. It is far easier to manufacture feelings of forgiveness.
Like 18:
10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
