[__ Prayer __] Brutally Honest Prayer Request

[striving]

I know this is my first real post on this forum, but I need help from God and my brethren.

I have been making wrong choices for a long time. And two days ago, I made the big one. I've been dating this girl for a long time now, and I love her very much. I believe whole heartedly that she is a gift from God (pm if you want the story). We have erred into a sexual relationship (my past relationship was also sexual). Any way, two days ago I drank heavily. Normally, I see the wisdom in moderation or abstaining from alcohol. Unfortunately, I became aroused. I then met up with another friend and we had sex. Also, that person is male. I have committed an "abomination" in front of my God and against my love. What's worse is that the entire time I was telling myself: "you shouldn't do this", "You will regret this", and "God is watching". Yet I sinned anyway. I loathe myself now. I begged for forgiveness from God, and I hope that He does forgive me. I was so afraid that this would ruin my life. I know that the sin is absolved, but I was fearing the manifestation of God's justice. I was afraid that I would be lonely again, and I learned the hard way that I cannot mentally deal with loneliness. I am so scared that I have ostracized myself from my friends and my girl. And I fervently prayed for mercy. Anyway, I told my suitemate (he is one of my best friends) and he understood; but the first thing out of his mouth was, "You're right, I will look at you differently from now on". He did say that he still loved me anyway, but this was tough. And it's true, I just spoke to him, and it had irreparably changed. I also mustered up and told my girlfriend (who is not a christian, yes I've seen the threads about "yoking" oneself with a nonbeliever). I expected her to hate me, to walk out of my life and tell everyone. But instead she smiled. She was sad, she was very sad. But she understood and she forgave me. In my shock I exlaimed, "how can you be so forgiving, but not be a Christian", she laughed, and it sounded beautiful. But she said that she lost a lot of trust in me, and I don't know how to gain it back (or if I ever will); however, how we acted when I saw her today gave me some hope, but there was still that lingering presence in both of our minds. And, now I have to live with myself as being an unfaithful man; which is something I NEVER wanted to be. I abhor it and, to a certain extent, myself. I think that this has been a long time coming, though. I've fallen away, and I didn't realize it. In my teen years, I disliked my church (to some members "liberal" is an insult) and other problems that I have had led to me spiraling down into the filth I am in now.

Please pray for me, I ask for these things:
1. That God forgives me, and will deal gently with me.
2. That I can forgive myself, change my life, and love myself.
3. That she forgives me, and in time she can trust me more than before.
4. That my friend who knows can accept me.
5. To gain the wisdom to never allow this happen again.
6. To gain the self-discipline to stand by my already shaky morals.
7. That I don't have HIV or any other STD.

If there is any feedback that ya'll can offer, I would love to hear it. I'm lost and scared.

Thanks for your time, God bless,

striving

 

[azlan88]

Dearly beloved brother, the blood of Christ is able to cover all sin, even yours, "For it is written, "For by grace you have been saved. Through faith. And that not of yourselves. It is the gift of God." Ephesians 2:8
However, it is written in the New Testament that homosexuals are among those who do not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, not necessarily because the sin is unforgivable, but because, as it is also written, you will not enter the Kingdom if you continue to sin willfully. This goes hand in hand with Jesus' saying that no man can serve two masters. You either love one master and hate the other, or you listen to one and despise the other. Whether you choose to obey the law of God or the lusts of the flesh will decide where you spend eternity, but remember that the Lord is a consuming fire, and His wrath is terrifying. But you still have the ability to repent. I have prayed for you, and I suggest you pray too that you will desire the flesh of other men no more, that you may be spotless and without blemish before God.
This woman you're with, however, does not have the love of God in her, and that's a sad thing for you because nobody can truly love anyone without Jesus Christ. And God Himself has said that marrying unbelievers will, not can, but will cause men to turn away from Him, so given your sensitive spiritual state, you should stay away from this woman, because the devil WILL use her to try to turn you away from God, just as your lust for men has put up a brick wall between you and God, so flee from these people who do not love the Lord and affect your life, for Jesus said very plainly, "Flee from evil!"

 

[ezravan]

I would like to add the rest of the romans passage quoted above about the homosexuals not entering the kingdom, and pray for you dear Brother.

“....And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.â€Â

Lord Jesus, I lift up our dear brother who has fallen into grave sin by the lust of the flesh. But Lord, how great is your mercy to those who turn to you! How great is your righteousness and not our own that is filthy rags! With my Brother, I look to your righteousness now, I look to what you have done for our sins, that you have paid the price in full, that there is no more owed on the account. Let this child of yours seek you in repentance knowing that he has been washed, sanctified, he is justified in your sight. Lord you say that you are the one that works in us to "will" and to "work" of your good pleasure! Work in this man's life, lift him from his shame, let him look to your righteousness and not his own and find peace and assurance. Let him not look in the mirror then forget he is a child of God, blessed beyond all creatures. May you hear my prayer Lord, sinful as I am, for your Son's sake.
Amen

 

[ezravan]

I don't know if it's ok for me to post twice, but my heart was heavy for you as I tried to sleep . And I felt I needed to tell you something. I too lived a very sinful life sexually and otherwise, proclaiming always that I was a Christian. I know now that I was and am, or atleast I was being drawn to Christ during that time. I know this because while the world can live seemingly untouched by their sin, We can not. Because we have a Father that will not let us. He will discipline us, sometimes severely. He does not discipline the wicked. So let your heart morn and be heavy, and praise him if he brings down his discipline upon you. Continue in repentance always turning from your ways back onto the narrow road where the saints of God travel to the Kingdom of heaven.

I have been disciplined severely many times over, and I bless the Lord, praying that he chastise me always for my sin, and that it be swift! because only a Father that loved me would.

We have a new nature, warring with the old. This new nature can not digest sin, and becomes ill when swallowed or even in close proximity.