Christian Dating and Physical Touch – What Does God Say?

[Tobiasnaceste]

Hello and have a blessed day to everyone , I'm 18 and I have a girlfriend for half a year , we are long distance and we are both Christians and we follow God even though we are not perfect and we do sins we still try to follow him and pray . One thing that bothers me is that the last time I was with her we sinned... of course we are waiting till the wedding but I mean the smaller things we did like kissing , not because of lust or temptation but because I want to give her a kiss and kiss her because I love her. Unfortunately, that day I was staying at her place and we were lying together and we were cuddling and hugging and it just so happened that I ended up groping her breasts and seeing them. What's my current embarrassment that we did that and I wasn't very aware of it at the time and I was wondering what God's view on that was ? What is allowed in a premarital relationship ? Is everything forbidden or not forbidden at all if it is out of love? Thank you for the answers .

 

[WIP]

It can be very difficult, but we must give no opportunity to the devil. (Ephesians 4:27 ESV).

The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body....Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 6:13b, 18-20 ESV

Any sex outside the covenant of marriage is sexual immorality.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
James 1:12-15 ESV

we were lying together and we were cuddling and hugging and it just so happened that I ended up groping her breasts and seeing them.

"It just so happened..." See, you've already experienced a little of how a little leaven leavens the whole lump. (Galatians 5:9 ESV) When we give in just a little, we find it easier to give in a little more and a little more and a little more..... Then we begin to deceive ourselves into justifying it one way or another.

A person steals a candy bar from the local convenience store and discovers that it wasn't that difficult. So, he does it again and again and pretty soon he starts to get more and more confident about it and he starts stealing larger and more valuable items and as he gets away with that it continues to escalate. He even begins to take pride in his ability to do it. This is a story from my own past experience.

The same is true with sexuality. I was a virgin until I was 23 years old. I felt I could control myself as I was making out with girls and for quite few years, I did manage to not go any further than some petting as you have done. Yet, fate eventually caught up with me and then one day it happened that I gave in. And then I gave in again and again and before long, I was informed by my girlfriend that she had missed her cycle. Yup, she was pregnant.

Give a little and the leaven grows.

 

[Hidden In Him]

Hello and have a blessed day to everyone , I'm 18 and I have a girlfriend for half a year , we are long distance and we are both Christians and we follow God even though we are not perfect and we do sins we still try to follow him and pray . One thing that bothers me is that the last time I was with her we sinned... of course we are waiting till the wedding but I mean the smaller things we did like kissing , not because of lust or temptation but because I want to give her a kiss and kiss her because I love her. Unfortunately, that day I was staying at her place and we were lying together and we were cuddling and hugging and it just so happened that I ended up groping her breasts and seeing them. What's my current embarrassment that we did that and I wasn't very aware of it at the time and I was wondering what God's view on that was ? What is allowed in a premarital relationship ? Is everything forbidden or not forbidden at all if it is out of love? Thank you for the answers .

Blessings in Christ, Tobias.

If I may, when are you two planning on getting married?

 

[Who Me]

that day I was staying at her place and we were lying together and we were cuddling and hugging and it just so happened that I ended up groping her breasts and seeing them.

A simple rule is if cuddling No removal of clothing.
I would also suggest don't stay at her place or have her stay at your place.
You may know that there was no pre marital sex, but your non christian friends, neighbours etc will assume if you are both staying in the same home that you are sleeping together. As part of your Christian witness don't give that impression.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

Hello and have a blessed day to everyone , I'm 18 and I have a girlfriend for half a year , we are long distance and we are both Christians and we follow God even though we are not perfect and we do sins we still try to follow him and pray . One thing that bothers me is that the last time I was with her we sinned... of course we are waiting till the wedding but I mean the smaller things we did like kissing , not because of lust or temptation but because I want to give her a kiss and kiss her because I love her. Unfortunately, that day I was staying at her place and we were lying together and we were cuddling and hugging and it just so happened that I ended up groping her breasts and seeing them. What's my current embarrassment that we did that and I wasn't very aware of it at the time and I was wondering what God's view on that was ? What is allowed in a premarital relationship ? Is everything forbidden or not forbidden at all if it is out of love? Thank you for the answers .

No penetration into any bodily orifice, french kiss included, and nothing that leads to sexual arousal, that's the hard boundary you should not cross. Other than that, ask yourself and her what's your long term plan, do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with her, is she the right woman, do you share common values and ideals, is she living a double life with secrets hidden from you, are you living a double life with secrets hidden from you, where are you gonna settle down, you need to consider these things before physical intimacy, because physical intimacy is the consummation of emotional and spiritual intimacy.

 

[Tobiasnaceste]

It can be very difficult, but we must give no opportunity to the devil. (Ephesians 4:27 ESV).

The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body....Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 6:13b, 18-20 ESV

Any sex outside the covenant of marriage is sexual immorality.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
James 1:12-15 ESV


"It just so happened..." See, you've already experienced a little of how a little leaven leavens the whole lump. (Galatians 5:9 ESV) When we give in just a little, we find it easier to give in a little more and a little more and a little more..... Then we begin to deceive ourselves into justifying it one way or another.

A person steals a candy bar from the local convenience store and discovers that it wasn't that difficult. So, he does it again and again and pretty soon he starts to get more and more confident about it and he starts stealing larger and more valuable items and as he gets away with that it continues to escalate. He even begins to take pride in his ability to do it. This is a story from my own past experience.

The same is true with sexuality. I was a virgin until I was 23 years old. I felt I could control myself as I was making out with girls and for quite few years, I did manage to not go any further than some petting as you have done. Yet, fate eventually caught up with me and then one day it happened that I gave in. And then I gave in again and again and before long, I was informed by my girlfriend that she had missed her cycle. Yup, she was pregnant.

Give a little and the leaven grows.

Wow, thank you for these words and also for sharing your life. God bless you

 

[Tobiasnaceste]

Blessings in Christ, Tobias.

If I may, when are you two planning on getting married?

Blessing in Christ you too.
Yes we are planning to get married

 

[Hidden In Him]

Blessing in Christ you too.
Yes we are planning to get married

Ok, but now I was asking if you have a time table of some kind; a plan for how it actually happens.

 

[Tobiasnaceste]

Blessings in Christ, Tobias.

If I may, when are you two planning on getting married?

Blessing in Christ you too.Yes we are planning to get married

Ok, but now I was asking if you have a time table of some kind; a plan for how it actually happens.

No I don't , I'm still young

 

[Hidden In Him]

Blessing in Christ you too.Yes we are planning to get married

No I don't , I'm still young

Ok. Then I would definitely avoid the cuddling and laying down together, because it is only a matter of time before you go too far. Men do that thinking the woman will surely stop them before it goes too far, and then find out after the fact that she decided she wasn't stopping anything. And once that happens, now you have a serious dilemma on your hands, because you are into a clearly sexual relationship with a woman you cannot be physically married to yet, which creates all sorts of problems. She starts wondering if igniting those passions in you is now causing you to stray because she can't be there, you start wondering the same thing, somebody gets jealous (potentially at nothing), then you fight, then you break up, then both are hurt, then you run the risk that somebody actually does do something with someone else....

And what was meant to be beautiful starts to become a nightmare. So I would suggest you avoid physical contact. If you had a plan and a time table, you might be able to risk doing things like that, but not without one.