Christian Laughs

[Thirstyone]

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
​

~~~~~~~~~~

"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say,

"Good morning, Lord,"
​

and there are those who wake up in the morning and say,

"Good Lord, it's morning."
​

~~~~~~~~~~

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
​

~~~~~~~~~~

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...

"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
​

 

[Ambrose]

Ha ha ha those were some good ones

 

[God's_gift]

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
​

hehe

 

[Blev]

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...

"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
​

....

 

[Stan53]

Last Tuesday Prime Minister Harper got off thehelicopter in front of Parliament Buildings - carrying a baby piglet under eacharm.

The squared-away Mountie guard snapped to attention, saluted and
said: "Nice pigs, sir."

Harper replied: "These are not pigs. These are authentic
Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Minster of Defence, Peter MacKay, and I got one for Minister of International Cooperation, Bev Oda."

The squared-away Mountie again snapped to attention, salutes and said,

"Excellent trade, Sir."

 

[Chris.]

Moses, Jesus, and an old bearded man were out playing golf one day.

Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway
but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly, Moses raised his club,
the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward
the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and
kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and
chipped it up onto the green.

The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out
over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces
off a truck and hits a nearby tree.

From there it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into
the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the
aforementioned pond.

On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the
water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large
bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth.

Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away.

As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped
the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole-in-one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your dad."

 

[Dirt]

I seriously just laughed at loud at this one...very nice...

 

[Chris.]

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it." After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut." The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair!", to which is father replied, "Yes, you're right, and they also WALKED every where they went!"

 

[Thirstyone]

The added jokes gave me a chuckle! Thanks for adding to the thread.

 

[Stan53]

The Outhouse

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. The
family had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it
because it was so hot in the summer and freezing cold in
the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting
on the bank of a creek and the boy was determined that one
day he would push that old outhouse straight into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so thel ittle
boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the
creek. He found a large stick and started pushing. Finally,
the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed
after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy
asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse
into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?"

The boy answered it was. Then he thought a moment and said,
"Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped
down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told
the truth."

The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't
in the cherry tree!"

 

[Thirstyone]

Re: The Outhouse

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. The
family had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it
because it was so hot in the summer and freezing cold in
the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting
on the bank of a creek and the boy was determined that one
day he would push that old outhouse straight into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so thel ittle
boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the
creek. He found a large stick and started pushing. Finally,
the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed
after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy
asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse
into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?"

The boy answered it was. Then he thought a moment and said,
"Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped
down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told
the truth."

The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't
in the cherry tree!"

:toofunny

 

[evenifigoalone]

Moses, Jesus, and an old bearded man were out playing golf one day.

Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway
but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly, Moses raised his club,
the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward
the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and
kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and
chipped it up onto the green.

The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out
over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces
off a truck and hits a nearby tree.

From there it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into
the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the
aforementioned pond.

On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the
water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large
bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth.

Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away.

As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped
the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole-in-one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your dad."

:toofunny:toofunny

 

[Thirstyone]

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
​

During the service, the minister paused and said,

"Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
​

At that moment, the substitute organist played,

"The Star Spangled Banner."
​

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
​

 

[Dirt]

oldie but a goodie:

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

 

[God's_gift]

oldie but a goodie:

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

baaaad