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College vs. Marriage

P

praises4god

Guest
Hi, there is something that I've been wondering about lately, and I want to know if anyone else out there is in the same situation as me. Right after high school I jumped into college, and have always told myself that I would have a 4-year degree in hand (and hopefully a job with that degree) before even thinking about asking a girl to marry me.

Well, at my home church I find myself not fitting in. While my relationship with God is very strong right now, I find myself feeling extremely lonely when it comes to seeing everyone with their spouse/girlfriend. Within my college age group at church (18-24), which is a bigger than average church, I would say that 90% of everyone is a married couple. Also, the majority of these married ones never got their 4-year degree...most of them got married at age 21-22....I don't even go to our college meetings (which is supposed to be for college SINGLES) because everyone who shows up is a married couple.

So this means I really have almost no one in the same situation as me (attending college, still living at home because attending college, not married, faces the challenges that a single college student does) to fellowship with. Everyone seems to just get married at 20-22 and that's it. Meanwhile, I'm sacrificing a lot of things in my life to complete my college degree, and I see everyone else, living happily and coming home to a special someone every night...I just find myself with no one else at my church to relate to. Is it just me, or is the term "college single" outdated nowadays?

I'm not saying I can't fellowship with married individuals, but I'd really like to meet more people at church in the similar situation as me. Anyone else out there struggle with something like this?
 
I did until this past spring. In fact my story is similar in that many of my classmates were dating, engaged or married, and I wasn't even talking with someone. It was a huge struggle, because I saw some couples break up, and one of the married Couples get divorced and I found myself asking God, " If I can do better than that, why do bless others with someone to be with. The answer was simply that It wasn't my time yet. Two weeks after a Local Youth rally which I had worked at and completely handed that situation over to God. I met my darling.

I'm not saying this will happen for everyone, but I am saying I know the shoes you are in. I turn 23 in a week, and I'm just now getting serious with someone. It's furstrating, Especially if you don't have friends in the picture to talk with, but it really is a matter of Giving it to God until he gives it back.
 
I am a college single. I'm going to be 19 next week, but I think it is best to use these four years as a period of discernment--meaning, seeing what God wants of us and becoming more like Jesus. Worry about God and your studies, I don't think you will regret it. You won't be making any rash decisions and you have time to thoroughly examine the people around you and yourself. Just because it seems like everyone else is having a wonderful life does not mean they ARE. There can be many problems you do not see. So be glad for right now that you are spared from that. Get the degree. :wink:
 
Expel the immoral and uneducated brother!

We will start our own church for non-heathen non-fornicators.

Fools will be fools, but the chaste and sanctified are God's chosen.
 
I can't say I really have encountered this problem. I had a good church friend of mine get married at the end of college, and that changed a lot. But as far as everyone being married at age 20-22 (especially not having gone to college)... not really. I do know there is a tendency for a decent number of Christians to get married young, but it isn't everyone.

So hang in there. ;)
 
I agree, you have to meet the right person first. I didn't have much trouble in picking college rather than marriage because my parents and I agreed that I should go to college and learn more about myself and God's plans for me.
Dental Clearwater | Dentist Clearwater
 
As a follow up from my first post. I am now married, 4 1/2 months now, to Caromurp. She is still in school and while that makes things tough at times, it's working. If God has that in the cards, don't resist it.
 
I didn't have a problem picking college or marriage. I'm 19 and in my second year of college. I want to have my diploma and also a really good job before I even think of getting married. I do have a friend that got engaged to her boyfriend of 2 1/2 years in April, graduated high school in June, and was married in August. Yeah, she's young, but I guess that's what God had planned for her.

So don't worry, there are still a lot of college singles out here. :)
 
Hey,

I understand you perfectly, you stated "I just find myself with no one else at my church to relate to." You feel like that now but I have felt like that my whole life. I grew up in a small church with no one my age and when I did go to a church with youth my age I felt even more alone. From age 14 - 18 I saw how the few guys in my church, guys I looked up to - left church to go out with the first wordly girl that came their way. Yet I never took that route but boy did i feel alone for a very long time, even a bit foolish. Now I am also going to school and taking work related classes with no prospects of having a gf anytime soon but thats ok, i want it that way.

Being single is ok, I also see some young coupled people in my church some seem happy but most are not. The ones that married young are straight up in poverty, and living at home with their parents. I dont want that I rather build up my nest then think about starting a family. Serving Christ is not easy but if you stick to it, you will be better off. Im proud of you keep going to church and college I know it will make you a better person and it can take you to places you wouldnt have imagined.

Later bro
 
praises4god said:
Hi, there is something that I've been wondering about lately, and I want to know if anyone else out there is in the same situation as me. Right after high school I jumped into college, and have always told myself that I would have a 4-year degree in hand (and hopefully a job with that degree) before even thinking about asking a girl to marry me.

Well, at my home church I find myself not fitting in. While my relationship with God is very strong right now, I find myself feeling extremely lonely when it comes to seeing everyone with their spouse/girlfriend. Within my college age group at church (18-24), which is a bigger than average church, I would say that 90% of everyone is a married couple. Also, the majority of these married ones never got their 4-year degree...most of them got married at age 21-22....I don't even go to our college meetings (which is supposed to be for college SINGLES) because everyone who shows up is a married couple.

So this means I really have almost no one in the same situation as me (attending college, still living at home because attending college, not married, faces the challenges that a single college student does) to fellowship with. Everyone seems to just get married at 20-22 and that's it. Meanwhile, I'm sacrificing a lot of things in my life to complete my college degree, and I see everyone else, living happily and coming home to a special someone every night...I just find myself with no one else at my church to relate to. Is it just me, or is the term "college single" outdated nowadays?

I'm not saying I can't fellowship with married individuals, but I'd really like to meet more people at church in the similar situation as me. Anyone else out there struggle with something like this?
Click to expand...
Hey, I like your attitude. You have good head on your shoulders. It's not that you're singled out, it's that your thinking outnumbers theirs. While you're trying to actually GET a degree and MAKE MONEY so your living conditions will be easier, these people are marrying like it's going out of style. My advice to you, because my parents told me this ( as well as one of my high school teachers) is to 1) get your education 2) get yourself a job 3) get yourself a house and 4) start a family. There. :wave
 
I'm not trying to be harsh, Carp, but how does that advice leave any room for God's will or for his provision. Those who do not have degrees but go and get married in God's time have the edge in that they also learn sooner just how much they need to depend on God rather than Man. Faith is learned best through struggle, and getting married no matter the age is a struggle.
 
Blazin Bones said:
I'm not trying to be harsh, Carp, but how does that advice leave any room for God's will or for his provision. Those who do not have degrees but go and get married in God's time have the edge in that they also learn sooner just how much they need to depend on God rather than Man. Faith is learned best through struggle, and getting married no matter the age is a struggle.
Click to expand...
I guess you're right. I was only thinking about the benefits of waiting. I still have a lot to learn as well, because I'm in college myself :)
 
The answer is, basically, get married when you like (keeping in mind, of course, that it's not entirely your choice; you have to meet someone first).

For my part, I'm a 20-year-old, single, male ministerial student. Practically every other ministerial student I know is either engaged or married or dating. I'm completely happy with where I am. They are (as far as I know) completely happy with where they are. To each his/her own.

Interestingly enough though, the college group at my church is primarily singles. Maybe three or four out of the fifteen that frequent there are non-single. Two are married (to each other).
 
When I started college I thought I would end up being in my mid to late 20's before I got married (partly because I go to Georgia Tech and the guy to girl ratio is ridiculous), but God placed the right people in my life at the perfect time and I was introduced to my fiance of whom I'll be marrying in less than 4 months. Just enjoy where you are, but be proactive in meeting people as well.
 
I would always go with college first. Education is so important, and you find yourself in love you can always get married and continue with your schooling. It's very important in today's world to have some kind of post secondary education whether it be an apprenticeship, college, or university. You are very young, you have many years to get married.
 
Why are you presenting college and marraige as mutually exclusive?

I do agree that a tertiarry level of education is becoming more and more important in today's world, especially university, and marraige less important, but us Christians need to seek God's guidence on what He wants us to do.
 
I don't know. College is my route, but if I was to find someone I to live the rest of my life with, I'd grab it in a heart beat. College is actually over-rated, you can do very fine for yourself without college.
 
Pard said:
I don't know. College is my route, but if I was to find someone I to live the rest of my life with, I'd grab it in a heart beat. College is actually over-rated, you can do very fine for yourself without college.
Click to expand...
I'm going college at the moment, For what I want to do, I cannot do 'fine' without going to college/uni. I just depends on what you want to do.

If God brought a woman into my life while I was attending college, great, and I would take it up, like you said Pard. But I don't see that I would have to give up college becasue of that. Definately the two can coexist together.
 
Nick said:
Pard said:
I don't know. College is my route, but if I was to find someone I to live the rest of my life with, I'd grab it in a heart beat. College is actually over-rated, you can do very fine for yourself without college.
Click to expand...
I'm going college at the moment, For what I want to do, I cannot do 'fine' without going to college/uni. I just depends on what you want to do.

If God brought a woman into my life while I was attending college, great, and I would take it up, like you said Pard. But I don't see that I would have to give up college becasue of that. Definately the two can coexist together.
Click to expand...

No I agree, I was just pointing out that college is a bit overrated. Of course some fields require higher education, but there are plenty of great fields that do not. The one that comes to mind is my friend. He is graduating High School with me next week and then a week after that he moves three towns over to begin his career as a youth pastor!

But yes, marriage and college can work together just fine, the problem may arise when you try to have children in college.
 
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