You’ve heard the age-old relationship advise “communication is key,” or the saying “conflict in marriage is inevitable.” While these statements are true, they do not show the full picture. Communication is not the “good one” while conflict is the “bad one.” When done right, communication and conflict in marriage go hand in hand to allow you deeper access in to your spouse’s heart and mind.
The Standard of Communication
As men and women, our differences go beyond the obvious physical ones. We think differently, we respond differently, different things catch our hearts. However, we often ignore that fact and plow through life with our own perceptions of how others should live and respond. The harvest of that kind of mentality can be misunderstanding, resentment and alienation.
We are called to be attentive to one another in marriage, to stop and listen and to learn about each other. If we truly desire closeness, we must be willing to ask; we must be willing to reveal. We can learn much about one another by how we live, but there are also things that words can give life and understanding to.
Fruits of the Spirit Devotions
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The Hurdles of Conflict
Conflict is inevitable, and often it is through conflict that we come in touch with the deep places and real meanings of our feelings. It is often only through times of discord that we can identify and offer the deepest content of our hearts. What we must remember in these moments is that our spouse is not the enemy.
It sounds odd perhaps, but couples often come at each other from that very stance. We may speak painful and damaging words and allow anger to isolate us without active, intentional listening. But, you may never know your spouse’s true feelings and desires without conflict. As long as you both agree you are on the same team and not fighting each other, you can use conflict to your benefit. Both communication and healthy conflict in marriage can help you truly know your spouse.
Consider James’ words. What a compelling picture of relationship! When we look at one another in marriage, then our hearts are more likely to respond in attentive tenderness. We realize this is just the person we need to help us become who God has made us to be.
A Prayer for Open Communication in Marriage
“Father, You communicated Your love to us by sending Jesus to live and die for us. You bring us together in marriage, we who are so very different. You call us to communicate with one another the very love we receive from You. Teach us, Father, how to do that in a way that honors each other and glorifies You. Teach us to pay attention to and wisely use communication and conflict in our marriage.”
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