[__ Prayer __] Concerned About my Wife

[WIP]

My wife gave us a scare this morning. Back in 2012 my wife injured her back resulting in three herniated disks. The surgery helped a little but she has since been listed as disabled. She lives on pain medications and has also been prescribed an anti-depressant. I know that strong pain meds can cause suicidal tendencies and I suspect that is partially why she's taking the anti-depressants. She was working part-time until about six weeks ago when she fractured her knee. When she was cleared to go back to work she was informed by her employer that they let her go. She has been looking for work for the past couple weeks.

My wife spends a lot of her money trying to help her mother financially and I think that burden along with the inability to be as functional as she'd like finally built up. I keep telling her that she can only do so much and she can't solve her mother's financial problems for her. In fact, it is my opinion and I've shared this with my wife, that her mother needs to downsize like right now. Her mother continues to try and live a lifestyle of someone many years younger than she is and with a much more lucritive income than her SS income. To that end she uses her children even to the point of lying to them to make them think the other siblings aren't contributing when I know they are.

Anyway, yesterday my wife had an appointment at the employment agency in St. Cloud, MN about 1 hour from our home to fill out some forms or something. She called me at work at about 1:00 to let me know she was going and that she probably wouldn't be home early because she might stop and visit my sister who lives there.

I went to bed at about 10:00. When our youngest daughter came home at about 10:30 she woke me up to ask me where mom was so I told her that she was in St. Cloud and probably late because she said she'd stop in at my sisters. When I woke up this morning at about 4:00 our daughter was still up and very upset because she and her sister and grandmother had not been able to get hold of mom all night via phone. They said it seemed her phone was dead so it either had a dead battery or she had it turned off. They talked to my sister and found out she had not been there either.

I told my daughter this was not unusual because truth be told, there have been numerous times when I've spent sleepless nights waiting for my wife to come home from work. She was a bartender and waitress and even though the bars closed at 1:00 am there were times when she'd be out until daylight. She is not a drinker so alcohol has never played a role. I just learned to get used to it and not concern myself or get all worked up. It is my way of preserving my own sanity.

I began to gather information about the make, model, and license number of her car so I could report her missing when at about 5:00 this morning my daughter tried calling again and this time the phone rang but she got no answer so she tried again and my wife finally answered. My wife seemed disoriented and very depressed. We asked where she was and she said she didn't know. I asked what town was nearby and she didn't know. She began to cry and talk about how she couldn't do anything right and was unable to help anyone.

I've been in suicidal depression myself in my past so I had some idea about how to talk to her and slowly I began to get her to talk about what was on her mind. With the loss of her job and the mounting concerns with her mother she was feeling inadequate and unable to go forward. She finally calmed down enough we could find out where she was and talk her into coming home. She was about 1-1/2 hours away on country gravel roads just driving.

It is my opinion that she is in a state where intervention is appropriate. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to approach it. I'm thinking of starting with her doctor to let her know what happened and maybe an adjustment needs to be made with regard to her medication. Her doctor could also play a part with the intervention. I could also try to talk to my wife and see if she's open to counseling although I am certain she will probably be too proud to agree to that path.

Anyone else have any suggestions?

Thanks.

 

[Eugene]

.
Praying for your dear wife Brother WIP. With the problems described I think I too would be depressed. May God bring healing and comfort to her and you in this trial of your faith, and God can and will do all things we ask because of His great love of us in Jesus' name.

 

[turnorburn]

Antidepressants can and do have adverse effects WIP.. When they backfire the results can be devastating.. Have you considered the nutritional route? Check this out.. Curcumin is found in Turmeric.. Enter The Benefits of Turmeric into a search engine and be amazed! I've been taking it for 11 years and haven't had a sick day..

What YCurcumin Safely Targets Depression As Effectively As Drugs

• Depression now afflicts 1 in 10 US adults. Drug antidepressants are now taken regularly, and the majority of patients who take them suffer at least one of the numerous, serious adverse effects.
• By employing a special curcumin formulation called BCM-95®—with nearly seven times greater bioavailability than that of a standard curcumin—scientists conducted a clinical study demonstrating that it specifically targets the multiple underlying pathways of depression.
• This newly published human trial found that this superior-absorbing curcumin complex has similar efficacy to standard antidepressant medication. These potent results were achieved without the side effects that consistently accompany drug therapy.
• This high-absorption curcumin works against depression by promoting neuro-genesis, increasing serotonin, norepi-nephrine, and dopamine levels—and inhibiting inflammation.

http://www.lifeextension.com/Magazine/2014/6/A-New-Way-To-Manage-Depression-Without-Drugs/Page-01

 

[Edward]

I'm praying for you both WIP.

 

[Angel]

I am praying for your family.

 

[AirDancer]

Prayers for you, your wife & your family, WIP.

Talking with a good counselor would be a good idea for your wife. Her doctor should be able to recommend one. She's feeling like a failure about now, due to the loss of her job, unending back pain, her mother's situation....it's all very over-whelming. She needs to be able to talk about how she feels with a non-family member who can re-enforce what you've already told her as well as to confirm that she's not a failure.

 

[calvin]

My wife gave us a scare this morning. Back in 2012 my wife injured her back resulting in three herniated disks. The surgery helped a little but she has since been listed as disabled. She lives on pain medications and has also been prescribed an anti-depressant. I know that strong pain meds can cause suicidal tendencies and I suspect that is partially why she's taking the anti-depressants. She was working part-time until about six weeks ago when she fractured her knee. When she was cleared to go back to work she was informed by her employer that they let her go. She has been looking for work for the past couple weeks.

My wife spends a lot of her money trying to help her mother financially and I think that burden along with the inability to be as functional as she'd like finally built up. I keep telling her that she can only do so much and she can't solve her mother's financial problems for her. In fact, it is my opinion and I've shared this with my wife, that her mother needs to downsize like right now. Her mother continues to try and live a lifestyle of someone many years younger than she is and with a much more lucritive income than her SS income. To that end she uses her children even to the point of lying to them to make them think the other siblings aren't contributing when I know they are.

Anyway, yesterday my wife had an appointment at the employment agency in St. Cloud, MN about 1 hour from our home to fill out some forms or something. She called me at work at about 1:00 to let me know she was going and that she probably wouldn't be home early because she might stop and visit my sister who lives there.

I went to bed at about 10:00. When our youngest daughter came home at about 10:30 she woke me up to ask me where mom was so I told her that she was in St. Cloud and probably late because she said she'd stop in at my sisters. When I woke up this morning at about 4:00 our daughter was still up and very upset because she and her sister and grandmother had not been able to get hold of mom all night via phone. They said it seemed her phone was dead so it either had a dead battery or she had it turned off. They talked to my sister and found out she had not been there either.

I told my daughter this was not unusual because truth be told, there have been numerous times when I've spent sleepless nights waiting for my wife to come home from work. She was a bartender and waitress and even though the bars closed at 1:00 am there were times when she'd be out until daylight. She is not a drinker so alcohol has never played a role. I just learned to get used to it and not concern myself or get all worked up. It is my way of preserving my own sanity.

I began to gather information about the make, model, and license number of her car so I could report her missing when at about 5:00 this morning my daughter tried calling again and this time the phone rang but she got no answer so she tried again and my wife finally answered. My wife seemed disoriented and very depressed. We asked where she was and she said she didn't know. I asked what town was nearby and she didn't know. She began to cry and talk about how she couldn't do anything right and was unable to help anyone.

I've been in suicidal depression myself in my past so I had some idea about how to talk to her and slowly I began to get her to talk about what was on her mind. With the loss of her job and the mounting concerns with her mother she was feeling inadequate and unable to go forward. She finally calmed down enough we could find out where she was and talk her into coming home. She was about 1-1/2 hours away on country gravel roads just driving.

It is my opinion that she is in a state where intervention is appropriate. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to approach it. I'm thinking of starting with her doctor to let her know what happened and maybe an adjustment needs to be made with regard to her medication. Her doctor could also play a part with the intervention. I could also try to talk to my wife and see if she's open to counseling although I am certain she will probably be too proud to agree to that path.

Anyone else have any suggestions?

Thanks.

Hi Wip, firstly let me say that I have to admire you for the way you are personally holding up.
I doubt that I could handle a similar situation so well.
Strong pain meds can indeed cause side issues, and fortunately there a a few different ones that can be tried.
Myself, I can not tolerate tramil.....but that is me.
It has occurred to me that much of your wife's pain might possibly be the result of nerve damage from her surgery. It could be that she might be helped by some form of neuropathic pain therapy eg. Lyrica, Epilim?, with that in mind you both might benefit by consulting with a neurologist to see if that might be a worthwhile thing to try.
I wish I had something better to offer you and your family, but I don't.
I have already petitioned the Lord on your behalf, and I hope things will improve.

 

[WIP]

I realize from my own personal experiences there is probably not too much I can do to ease her pain both physically and mentally aside from just being supportive. I told her that I really would like her to talk to her doctor because that level of depression is not to be taken lightly and her medications could be part of the problem. My hope (expectation) is that her doctor would then recommend therapy to help her deal with her anxiety or other things that are weighing heavy as well. Chances are if I recommend therapy it will not be received well. I reminded her that I have been in her shoes or similar shoes and I do have a pretty good idea about how she feels.

 

[th1b.taylor]

Prayer up for your situation.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Praying...

...I will say that therapy often isn't all its cracked up to be. There are no magic words or magic conversations to make life better. Sometimes you're better off praying and asking for guidance on what, if anything, can or should be changed in one's life.

 

[abide]

My wife gave us a scare this morning. Back in 2012 my wife injured her back resulting in three herniated disks. The surgery helped a little but she has since been listed as disabled. She lives on pain medications and has also been prescribed an anti-depressant. I know that strong pain meds can cause suicidal tendencies and I suspect that is partially why she's taking the anti-depressants. She was working part-time until about six weeks ago when she fractured her knee. When she was cleared to go back to work she was informed by her employer that they let her go. She has been looking for work for the past couple weeks.

My wife spends a lot of her money trying to help her mother financially and I think that burden along with the inability to be as functional as she'd like finally built up. I keep telling her that she can only do so much and she can't solve her mother's financial problems for her. In fact, it is my opinion and I've shared this with my wife, that her mother needs to downsize like right now. Her mother continues to try and live a lifestyle of someone many years younger than she is and with a much more lucritive income than her SS income. To that end she uses her children even to the point of lying to them to make them think the other siblings aren't contributing when I know they are.

Anyway, yesterday my wife had an appointment at the employment agency in St. Cloud, MN about 1 hour from our home to fill out some forms or something. She called me at work at about 1:00 to let me know she was going and that she probably wouldn't be home early because she might stop and visit my sister who lives there.

I went to bed at about 10:00. When our youngest daughter came home at about 10:30 she woke me up to ask me where mom was so I told her that she was in St. Cloud and probably late because she said she'd stop in at my sisters. When I woke up this morning at about 4:00 our daughter was still up and very upset because she and her sister and grandmother had not been able to get hold of mom all night via phone. They said it seemed her phone was dead so it either had a dead battery or she had it turned off. They talked to my sister and found out she had not been there either.

I told my daughter this was not unusual because truth be told, there have been numerous times when I've spent sleepless nights waiting for my wife to come home from work. She was a bartender and waitress and even though the bars closed at 1:00 am there were times when she'd be out until daylight. She is not a drinker so alcohol has never played a role. I just learned to get used to it and not concern myself or get all worked up. It is my way of preserving my own sanity.

I began to gather information about the make, model, and license number of her car so I could report her missing when at about 5:00 this morning my daughter tried calling again and this time the phone rang but she got no answer so she tried again and my wife finally answered. My wife seemed disoriented and very depressed. We asked where she was and she said she didn't know. I asked what town was nearby and she didn't know. She began to cry and talk about how she couldn't do anything right and was unable to help anyone.

I've been in suicidal depression myself in my past so I had some idea about how to talk to her and slowly I began to get her to talk about what was on her mind. With the loss of her job and the mounting concerns with her mother she was feeling inadequate and unable to go forward. She finally calmed down enough we could find out where she was and talk her into coming home. She was about 1-1/2 hours away on country gravel roads just driving.

It is my opinion that she is in a state where intervention is appropriate. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to approach it. I'm thinking of starting with her doctor to let her know what happened and maybe an adjustment needs to be made with regard to her medication. Her doctor could also play a part with the intervention. I could also try to talk to my wife and see if she's open to counseling although I am certain she will probably be too proud to agree to that path.

Anyone else have any suggestions?

Thanks.

Will pray for your family.

 

[Deborah13]

 

[reba]

WIP reads to me like you have a good understanding of what is going on and what needs to be done...