Confused.

[queenjaz]

Hey I am a first time poster..

3 weeks ago my fiance broke up with me. At first he said he was just feeling so stressed from life (he has alot of financial troubles and hasnt seen his family in 4 years) and wasnt sure if he loved me anymore, he said he felt that I didnt respect him. He originally just wanted "time apart" but the longer time went on and the more I spoke to him, the more agitated and angry he became towards me. I continued to tell him how much I loved him and that I wanted to work things out. We have both made mistakes in our relationship and our walk with God, but I always prided our relationship on the fact that we were committed to the relationship.
We had met at church, went to bible college together..
And even when we first met, there was a chance STRONG chance he was going to be deported back to his country because his parents could no longer afford to pay for him. But we had prayed in faith that he would stay, and almost 3 years later he is still here.
I had always felt that even if things werent always perfect and wonderful, that he was the one for me. I met someone I could be completley open and honest with about anything, he became not only my "lover" but my best friend. We were together over 2 years and engaged for about 7 months.

Anyway, at first when he saw me after we broke up, I felt like he lead me on to believe there was a good chance for us, and when I spoke to him about it, he said "dont rush me, it doesnt mean anything". I was hurt by that. This was a man who I had stuck by and supported when he had nothing. This was someone who has had many struggles in his walk with God..but yet I stuck by him and continued to love him. He felt I didnt respect him cause occasionally I would say something to him out of insecruity.

But for the most part, I treated him like a king. I never so much as looked at another man in my whole time of being with him.

So he started treating me quite coldly and he eventually told me that there was no hope for us and that we werent meant to be. I was so devastated.

I told him I didnt like the way he had treated me through this process....so I decided to just leave him alone. Stop contacting him, stop everything. I told him I loved him but I knew in my heart I needed to just let it go and stop trying to force a reconciliation. He needed to see what life was like without me always making an effort.

A few days later, I got a call from him and he was saying that he had a dream that I was sending emails to a guy I used to have feelings for many years ago. At first I was shocked that he said that..because it would be quite a random thing to dream and after everything he told me such as "just leave me alone" why would he dream that? I didnt think he had a right to know or care about who I was now talking too. So I denied talking to this person. Then, he starts reading out the email I had sent to this person, he claimed that I had "forwarded" it to him. He called me a liar and to stay out of his life. After that I didnt take any more of his calls. But he rang me late that night and told me "Stay out of my life, you lied to me! Its because of that email I now want to start seeing someone else!." The fact is, I never forwarded the emails, he just went into my email account and spied on me.

I was so heartbroken...I had respected him so much...but when he told me it was all over and to leave him alone, I wanted to express my heartbreak to an old friend. He had accused me of flirting with this person but I didnt. I mostly spoke about how heartbroken I was about the breakup.

Anyway, so afterwards, my ex sent me horrible emails saying "I dont think i will ever want you back!". So I decided to take one last chance at reconciliation...
I wrote him a beautiful email telling him how much I still loved him etc etc.
He still told me that "I lied to him and he didnt want someone like that".
I was cut so deep..he had invaded my privacy and seemed to feel justified in doing so. He made it out as if because of "this email" I now had no chance with him again. But before all this happened, he had told me there was NO hope for us.

So finally I wrote him a response telling him that he was not treating me well etc etc. I stood up for myself basically.

Then he tells me "I am seeing someone else now, i am so over you." This was a few days ago.

I stopped responding after that.


I have talked to some people about it and they believe this is temporary..that my ex is going through a difficult time in his life and is so confused. They believe satan has tried to divide us and that this seperation will not be permanent.
This is someone I made ministry plans with...someone I really trusted.

After it all, I still do love him very much. I have no anger or bitterness towards him whatsoever. My heart breaks for him and also what he had. Because of this, I realise the depth of my love for him. I forgive him instantly for what he has done because I love him so very much. I know that God has a huge plan for him..and he has such a great heart underneath it all that none of this makes sense.

It is clear that the seperation is of God, because I have been able to see how my ex reacts in times of pressure and I wouldnt want to marry him while he is this way. But I believe in him and what he can do.

I still pray for him everyday and cry out to God for him. I wish only good things for him.

I guess my question is..
Am I crazy to believe that one day we will reconcile? Should I even be praying for a reconciliation? I believe the love I have for him is of God, because it is so strong and strangely enough my love has only grown through it all. All I believe God has told me so far as that I shouldnt speak to him for awhile because it will interfere with what God is trying to do in his life..
I truly believe nothing is impossible for God..but am I crazy to wish for a reconciliation?

 

[Blazin Bones]

I'm sorry to hear of your story, as I myself have recently begun looking foward to when I will wed my sweetheart caroline, Caromurp on the site.

From what I can gather and understand, you remain hopeful, which does give room towards a chance that if he has a second change of heart it would be towards you. However, that still may not be God's will. If you want to pray for a reconciliation, you should first pray that whatever has so drastically changed his heart will be solved or removed from his life. If he does not solve this issue, he probably will not be worth reconciling to.

Second, what is te truth surrounding this emailing an old interest? Regardless of what he did, what are you responsible for? If you did email this other person and you denied it, he still has a good reason to be upset. You did tell him it was not true, and from what I gather it was. If this is the case, regardless of what he has done, if you desire reconciliation, you should apologize for lying. If he does not apologize for his actions, again will it be worth reconciling.

As painful and confussing your situation may be, you must also be willing to see where God is moving in your life.

I will pray for your situation.

 

[carbon]

queenjaz...

Did you give him your password to your email? No matter how much you trust a guy, NEVER do that. I've password-protected my photobucket account because I've run into issues when I didn't. Nothing major though. I removed all personal pictures from there. I have some pictures of my horse. But that's about it. And other random things. But because I password protected it, I've only given that password (but not my access password) to one person. Never give out email passwords. If you do, make sure it's a spam email or something like that. I know mom's email password because I set it up. I commonly go into her email. I have right, I know her password. I only go into it with good intentions. I rarely go into it without her asking me to. She doesn't mind, though. But he sure would feel like he has the right to go there. It's not a breach of privacy unless he hacked your password.

2nd rule of emailing: Do NOT write flowery emails to *anyone*. It makes you seem like a needy, clingy, emotional prick even though you may not be.

3rd rule: Never get into a back-and-forth with someone. I've seen the effects of it. It's bad for both parties involved.

Are you crazy for wishing for reconciliation? I'm torn on that. I hope for your sake you aren't. But if you are...then moving on will be better for you.

 

[heather]

I'm sorry to say that I feel carbon did not need to give you a lesson on email etiquette, but it's all true. :verysad I am also sorry that this happened, but the bright side is that after God brings you through this valley (none of us could ever make it on our own), He'll place you on a mountain top! :yes

Timothy is completely right! This relationship may not be God's will for you but your will for yourself. Unless our will is to do God's will, our will will never work out. (So many wills, I know!)

Continue to pray, not for a reconciliation, but for the Lord's will to be done in your life and your ex's. Both of you still need God. I would also discontinue any more communications with him and pray that the Lord gives you strength to keep to yourself. I know that it sounds harsh and that it can be hard to do.

If it's God's will, it will be done. Trust me.

It's also been my experience that once people break up, it's extremely difficult to work things out. It is possible, but both parties have to be open for change, and open to God's will. Again, it's hard to do, but can be done, only if it's His will.

I hope all of this helps.

 

[carbon]

I'm sorry to say that I feel carbon did not need to give you a lesson on email etiquette, but it's all true. :verysad I am also sorry that this happened, but the bright side is that after God brings you through this valley (none of us could ever make it on our own), He'll place you on a mountain top! :yes

Trust me...I disliked writing that. It's against my nature to do that, but I've learned to leave nothing up to chance from a friend of mine's experience and my own experiences. It is sad. :verysad
I actually got that lecture from someone who I trusted a lot with rule #1 though I never have given my password out. And they knew I was intelligent and such. #2 is from both personal experiences, *and* experiences from a friend of mine. #3 is a... very sad story from a friend of mine.

I know you're smart queenjaz. Please don't take it as me insulting your intelligence. I'm honestly just watching out for your sake. Keep in mind, too, that I also lean towards the over-paranoid side with Internet issues.

And I'm sorry to say that heatherentz is right with "...once people break up..." I've seen an...awful example of this. Awful. #3 was involved.

Again, I hope your situation resolves itself as cleanly as possible.

 

[queenjaz]

Thanks for your responses.

I did feel convicted about lying. So I just sent him a lovely emailing apologising for lying about sending the email. Though the content of the email wasnt bad, I didnt NEED to lie.

I must have given him the password ages ago..but I dont think it gave him the right to go into my account considering he had broken up with me and told me to stay out of his life. Even if he had given me his passwords, I would never have gone into it..especially once we had split.

But yes I did send an apology email. No matter how he has treated me, I have always been able to control my own response, and it wasnt a good response. I told him that I lied because I was in shock and didnt give my response any thought. Which is true, it just came out of my mouth before I actually thought what to say and what was going on!

After I apologised and explained to him. I told him that I did receive his emails (the im so over you etc etc emails) and that even though I was unsure why he sent it to me and was unsure of the motivation behind them..I still care for him and nothing he can say or do, anyone he dates or does not date will change that. I dont have any bitterness or anger. I still pray for you everyday.

I had left him alone up until this point, but yeah I did have a nagging feeling that said "You shouldnt have lied" so I really felt the need to let him know. But now..I will just not respond.

 

[heather]

Trust me...I disliked writing that. It's against my nature to do that, but I've learned to leave nothing up to chance from a friend of mine's experience and my own experiences. It is sad. :verysad

It always feels like a lemon in the mouth to be that way with someone. Tough love is just that...tough. Not just for the person receiving it, but for the person giving it. :ohwell It hurts to see someone else get hurt.