custody

[missmoore]

Hi
Im after some advice. At 17 years of age my parents gained custody of my daughter. I am now 2 weeks off being 25. In the last 5 year's I have seen my daughter once. In the care plan it was outlined that as my parents discretion ongoing contact with me would be made. My family has had issues with me over the past. And I am estranged from most of them. Last week I called to speak to my daughter . During the conversation my mother took my daughter away from the phone. I heard my daughter crying . My mother left the phone off the hook for a day. I emailed my parents and asked to be able to call once a week on a Saturday or if they prefer another day. As it was Saturday today I rang. The phone has now been disconnected. Now I have no contact with her at all. I am left not knowing what to do. I really need some advice. I live in Australia. Thanks in advance for any help

 

[Danus]

Hi Missmoore, this sounds like a legal issue. I don't know what the law is there, but have you sought an attorney, or someone within the family court system there?

 

[handy]

As Danus said, this is a legal issue and you very well might need an attorney...

However, there are a few questions that pop up... It's pretty rare, at lease here in America, for a good mother to lose custody of her child unless she herself gives the child up. Why were your parents given custody of your daughter? What were the causes of the estrangement? Why do your parents seem very determined to keep you away from her? Did you or do you still have some issues in your life that cause you to be more of a disruptive influence to your daughter?

The first and foremost priority when it comes to a child is the child's needs and best interests... What is in your child's best interests here?

Both of my children were adopted from the foster care system because their birth parents were neglectful drug addicts who put their babies at risk... If any of them ever try to contact our children, we would do whatever possible to see to it that it never happened. Once our children are adults, if they choose to, we will give them information as to how to find them... but until then, it is in their best interest to stay far, far away from the birth parents.

Only you can say whether or not you have your child's best interests at heart. If, after some honest, prayerful self-examination, you truly believe that it would be best for your daughter to have contact with you... then you need to contact whatever Australia's version of a family law attorney is. You might also want to contact a Christian counselor and honestly explain everything that caused your family to remove your daughter from your care and keep her from you... and listen carefully to what the counselor has to say as to how good it would be to get back into your daughter's life. Part of this would be to work through your purposes in trying to reunite with your daughter.

It's a very sad situation that you are in... and I pray that God's will will indeed be worked out for the best for you and your daughter.

 

[missmoore]

Thankyou everyone. I have no addictions whatsoever. I don't use any substances drugs alcohol or tobacco. I gave her to my parents when I waa 17. I was struggling with anxiety and post natal depression. I have now been helped with that and im going on six years with my fiancee. The more better and stable I got the more hostile my mum got. We have a four bedroom home. A car. Oh also I have no criminal record. My parents were given permanent custody. I didn't have a choice at the time. My mum told me if I didn't agree they would go over my head. I have never asked for her back. Over the years I have sent cards gifts letters to my daughter and my parents. I am estranged from all my family. They all tslk about me behind my back. My niece accused me of giving my mum depression. My mum said that isn't true and she has anxiety. My family can't separate their problems with me from me being my daughters mother and being there for her. She doesn't even call me mum. She calls my mother mum. So in my families anger I have been cut off from my daughter.

 

[Danus]

In that case [MENTION=96833]missmoore[/MENTION], I would think you have parental rights to your child. I would seek out a good family law attorney. handy made some good points that still apply. Place your child's interest first. It sounds like you would do that, but I think this situation could be very upsetting to her as well. She has been raised by your parents all these years, and its not something you can just expect her to adjust to easily. However, surly you have visitation rights legally.

I see you're Christian. Do your parents share in the spirit of God? Are they seekers, followers of Christ in any way?

 

[handy]

Missmoore,

It's very possible that your parents are acting out of insecurity... As of now, they view your daughter as their own and apparently she views them as her mother and father. This is a very real relationship that they share. You represent a threat to this... and they seem to be acting out.

It really is too tangled for folks on an internet forum to sort out... You really need some guidance from a good family lawyer and a professional counselor who is trained in adoptive families as well.

The main thing is the health and well being of your daughter. It certainly seems as though it would be in your daughter's best interest to start to develop a healthy relationship with you... but, you also need to look at the idea that it might not be. Whether it is or whether it isn't, this is a very complicated situation and one that can easily cause a lot of harm to your little girl...something I know you don't want to happen.

One thing I will say is that I know first hand about adoptive children and they want, even need, to know that their birth parent didn't abandon them. So, having your little girl understand this could only be good for her... but it is also a powder keg if your parents have been less than honest with her as to why they are raising her.

I do pray that you will see the truth of Romans 8:28 work out in your, your daughter's and yes, even your parent's lives. But, it really is going to take some professional help, both legal and counseling, in order to move forward in a way that will not cause your daughter harm.

God be with you every step of the way on this!

 

[missmoore]

Thank you everyone. You have spoken to me more truth then my family in a lifetime. My parents don't follow the Lord. They have isolated themselves in a barn shed. Five hours away from myself. So I have always relied on calling. And hearing the phone disconnected broke my heart and brought panic to my soul. My family don't pray. I ask for forgivness from the Lord, but I don't like to pray for anything that would benefit me as I know Lord has more important things to care for.
Bless you all for the advice