Dating Non-Christians

[Gendou Ikari]

How many Christians here are comfortable dating non-Christians?

 

[Blazin Bones]

I will not date a non-christian. I beleive Paul warned us against being un-equally yoked for a reason.

 

[Andy]

I think you need to define what you mean by "dating" going out to lunch? dinner? I would do that with a non-Christian. I would not however, have one as a "Girlfriend". (i hate that word by the way).

 

[Gendou Ikari]

I think you need to define what you mean by "dating" going out to lunch? dinner? I would do that with a non-Christian. I would not however, have one as a "Girlfriend". (i hate that word by the way).

It is a vague question and need not be precise. Go on your best instinct when you read the question.

And why do you hate the word "girlfriend?" I have always liked it. :P

 

[Blazin Bones]

I see Andy's point. I've taken several gals to a movie, lunch, etc. without romance being involved. I have several girl friends, but nothing romntic.

 

[Proximity]

I've dated non christians before, and i've severly stumbled because of it.

So my answer = no

 

[Blazin Bones]

I've been there as well, prox. I can agree.

 

[Faithful with joy]

I agree with Timothy, Paul definitely instructs christians not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. This is in dating/marriage situations, but also, I believe, even in business partnerships etc. Being unequally yoked with them will cause you to compromise on your relationship with the Lord. Think of it like this: if you're standing on a chair, is it easier for you to pull someone UP onto the chair with you, or for someone to pull you down?

I have also come to realise that even two christians can be unequally yoked together. They may both believe Christ died, and rose again securing their salvation, however they may hold completely different views on fundamental christian doctrines which can be a huge hindrance to their christian walk.

I have seen this happen to a friend, and have experianced it myself in a past relationship. Although I thought everything was going great because he was also a 'christian' I came to realise that we were on completely different levels spiritually. He was living in sin and almost dragged me in headlong in with him. I thank the Lord that I woke up to this before it was too late.

Don't fall for the trick of dating someone because they are the only christian guy or girl your age around. Make sure they really are 'walking with the Lord' and that they place Him above all else in their lives.

 

[Jon-Marc]

Both of the women I married (not at the same time : ) were supposedly Christians. I couldn't do any worse if I married a non-Christian. However, God does say not to be unevenly yoked, and I'm sure that means for a Christian not to marry a non-Christian.

 

[Awake]

I can't say I am all to excited about the notion of "missionary dating". It's just another point of potential friction as two hearts are trying to grow together. I have a few females who are friends...and only friends...since they are non-Christians. It pains me to have drawn a line in the sand like that as I do care for them.

Ironically the first time I discussed this was on an automotive forum in the members only section. It was a non Christian dating a Christian and discussing the notion of becoming closer to her.

There are a lot of athiests and agnostics on there so I had to tone it down a little. I hope I did a decent job of expressing myself, and pray that the Holy Spirit was able to smooth over my horribly rough edges.

The first mistake lots of people make is assuming that faith and religion are a small part of a person's life. If that is the case they weren't very strong in their faith and can be talked out of it. But this can be a very dangerous thing. Change their faith and you change the person...but into what? Will she be better than before, worse, more compatible with what you see as the ideal wife for you? There is no way to tell, and the place that question will make the most difference is in her heart...the hardest of all places to tell.

If a couple is indeed of two different faiths it is going to cause conflict. Do you raise the kid(s) in one faith or the other? Can't really raise them in both. As kids they are too young and underdeveloped to make such a decision on their own. Agreeing to disagree or deciding that there are things you aren't going to discuss is akin to starting the relationship with built-in friction, issues, and perhaps even a certain level of animosity. There are certain fundamental beliefs and principles that any and all faiths disagree on, and no amount of "agreeing to disagree" is going to alleviate all the animosity...all the friction.

I for one can't quite accpet the notion of having a wife and not sharing every part of my heart, mind, and soul with her. Every thought, every feeling, good or bad. There will be things we don't agree on but that is the nature of two beings of free will.

Thoughts? Pointers?

 

[Blazin Bones]

I think that is a pretty solid response. It made sense and it doesn't bash. Sometimes all it takes is opening others up to a different opinion.

 

[el.cris.g]

i have no experience in this topic, but i do have an opinion.

the way i see it, God has sombody for me. i believe that, he made eve for adam, and he has somebody for me.....

so therefore my girl is out there somewhere...... who knows when i will be with her, i dont know when, but everything comes in its own time. (Song of Solomon: dont stir up love, dont force it, it will come).

so how do i know she knows God? maybe the way she will know him is through me? maybe i'm to be used by God to bring her to him?

Paul warns about this, (read the yolk quotes), but he doesn' prohibit it. i dont know how God works, but i would date a girl who is non-christian, i would just be in non-ceasing prayer, that put God first, not her......

any comments?

 

[heather]

It's funny how things work out...

Growing up, I was raised in a church, but not by spiritual parents. I wasn't allowed to do certain things, but hung out with friends who did. I started to rebel, just in a lesser manor. My mom would have literally put through a wall if I did things that my other friends did. Once, I had permission to stay out late (since I was coming home from a minor league baseball game) and on the way home, my then-boyfriend and I stopped at Wendy's for a frosty. Because I wasn't home by curfew (even though I had permission) I was in deep trouble... Anyway, back to the topic on hand since my tangent was way off... I started dating a guy after that boyfriend who didn't know God, was a party-er, and was known for his lover's quarrels with his then-girlfriend. My relationship with him brought me down even further. I ended up marrying that guy (I love him to death) and now he is going to school to become a pastor. He knows the Lord and gets stronger in his faith everyday.

It's not always going to work out this way and I am truly blessed. Be careful if you do decide to date a non-christian. Missionary dating doesn't work! I did not make this decision to date him as a strong christian, but rather as a struggling, rebelling teen.

i dont know how God works, but i would date a girl who is non-christian, i would just be in non-ceasing prayer, that put God first, not her......

Please always be careful!

 

[el.cris.g]

Missionary dating doesn't work!

Missionary dating, new term for me. the name gives it a definition that sounds like your purposely dating to convert..... hhmmm...

but anywho, the #1 quality i look for in a girl, is the fear of God. but, if a girl comes along that i am interested in, and is not a Christian, well, i will not turn away. to me, its the same with friendships and girlfriend, i will not say "oh your not christian? sorry cant be with you"

 

[heather]

I don't think that saying that is a bad thing. I think that it's important to keep oneself held to a higher standard. What about starting out as friends first? Then bring her to the Lord, and do what He commands. He will show you who He wants you with. Everything is always in His time, not ours. Just remember that.

And yes, missionary dating is dating for the intent to convert. And you never convert them, they always convert you!

 

[el.cris.g]

And yes, missionary dating is dating for the intent to convert. And you never convert them, they always convert you!


i agree it can be like that, oh and then if thats the difinition of missionary dating, then who does that??? purposely dating just for converting puposes? thats seems wrong

 

[heather]

I've known a few people who have tried it. That happens a lot with younger kids, and they usually think that they are high and mighty because they are going to save Joe or Steve or who ever.

 

[Caroline H]

I have dated non-Christians before and each one of them pulled me farther and farther away from my relationship with God. I was even in a relationship with a man who said he was a christian, and for a while was involved in church, but he fell away and brought me with him. Now, God has brought me into a relationship with a strong, mature Christian and things couldn't be any more different than before. When two Christians who are equally yolked are in a relationship, they will complement each other, and strengthen their relationship with God. But when one is a Believer and the other is not, then the relationship is destined to fail.

 

[kenan]

I would date a non christian, I would also tell her about Jesus.

 

[Caroline H]

There's nothing wrong with being friends with non-Christians and telling them about Jesus, but I would really be careful about entering into a relationship with them. Dating should be done only with the intentions of marriage, and how can a Christian knowingly enter into a covenant relationship (which is what marriage is) with a non-Christian? How can two walk together unless they agree?