So here it is long story short. I have just about reached my wit's end with grad school (coming to the end of my Maser's degree) and a particular colleague of mine. This is the type of person who gets pleasure out of pushing someone's buttons, I have no room for it. The worldly me...I'll stop there and just say that I need prayer to deal with this situation. Anybody have a scripture to read or advice on how to deal with these two particular issues?
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Dealing with difficult people/situations at work
- Thread starter Trilogy
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Pizzaguy
Member
I have no answers, I'm fighting a battle at work myself. I have little wisdom to offer.
So, make yourself feel better:
...put a couple of wood screws thru the sidewalls of his tires!
...fill out a change of address for him at the post office.
...publish his phone number all over the internet,
and his email address, too!
...register on various forums using as much of his identity as you can, and make threats against the President.
...report his car tag as being seen driving drunk, trying to grab little girls from in front of a school, or dragging a dog to it's death.
OR...
Pm me and we can trade horror stories. Misery loves company.
So, make yourself feel better:
...put a couple of wood screws thru the sidewalls of his tires!
...fill out a change of address for him at the post office.
...publish his phone number all over the internet,
and his email address, too!
...register on various forums using as much of his identity as you can, and make threats against the President.
...report his car tag as being seen driving drunk, trying to grab little girls from in front of a school, or dragging a dog to it's death.
OR...
Pm me and we can trade horror stories. Misery loves company.
DarkHorseRising
Member
Grad school is a pressure cooker; it's a highly competitive environment where your entire future is hanging on your thesis... everyone deals with the stress differently. This person is clearly taking it out on others; which is unacceptable.
If they're in your lab, I'd suggest speaking to your PI. If they're elsewhere in the department, speak to the administration (is there a grad advisor or something?). Don't let it cause you to react in a way that could hurt your standing in the department or your field.
Bible verse that may help... second Timothy chapter 2 verse 23-26:
Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.
If they're in your lab, I'd suggest speaking to your PI. If they're elsewhere in the department, speak to the administration (is there a grad advisor or something?). Don't let it cause you to react in a way that could hurt your standing in the department or your field.
Bible verse that may help... second Timothy chapter 2 verse 23-26:
Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.
I must humbly admit that I deal with what you're talking about from both sides. You see, I'm both a giver and a receiver. As a giver I find it most frustrating when the receiver refuses to take my attacks personally. My abuse seems to fall on deaf ears and becomes futile.
As a receiver I find it most effective to respectfully listen to the giver without offering any emotional response. Let them banter but don't give them the satisfaction they are looking for.
Maybe this can help you? Good luck.
As a receiver I find it most effective to respectfully listen to the giver without offering any emotional response. Let them banter but don't give them the satisfaction they are looking for.
Maybe this can help you? Good luck.
Danus
Member
Dealing with difficult people and situations is at the heart of Christianity, and it's only achieved in our daily practice of walking in the spirit of Christ rather than ourselves.
I say practice because that's what it is; a practice.
I am a confronter type person.
no one get's away with anything, or so I often think. I drive the people I'm around nuts pointing out the injustice of their ways. As a result I often have to find ways to re-build the working relationships around me. Gentleness and kindness are not my best qualities, but no one would accuse me of abuse, just painfully honest.
In any case, everyone has to deal with other people. We don't want to be walked over, mistreated, or taken advantage of , but we also don't want to be that way to others.
I think the first thing is to walk daily in the spirit of Christ. Let Christ lead us and not us lead us. IN this way we need to realize we are not in control and neither are difficult people. Christ is in control.
If we can understand that then this verse should be easy for us. Romans 12:17-21 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay," says the Lord. Therefore "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing so you will heal coals of fire on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
We've no cause to avenge anything. We need to drop the idea that we have to "get back" at someone for what they do to us.
One of the problems many Christians have, I think, if being too none confrontational in the right way. We can speak up for what is right without lashing out. Matthew 18:15 "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother."
Just tell someone gently and with kindness. If they get upset then they own that. We need to be mindful of our words to others. Pray before you speak. Our words are more powerful than we sometimes know and we often say more than we need to. You want to freak someone out? Say less. Just make your statements direct and to the point. Proverbs 17:27-28 He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.
Proverbs 26:4-5
Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.
There are a ton of scriptures that tell us how to handle people and difficult situations. It is the very heart of a Christan in the world, and it can only be done by Christ living through us. How we react to others tells the world if Christ is truly in us or not.
I say practice because that's what it is; a practice.
I am a confronter type person.
no one get's away with anything, or so I often think. I drive the people I'm around nuts pointing out the injustice of their ways. As a result I often have to find ways to re-build the working relationships around me. Gentleness and kindness are not my best qualities, but no one would accuse me of abuse, just painfully honest.In any case, everyone has to deal with other people. We don't want to be walked over, mistreated, or taken advantage of , but we also don't want to be that way to others.
I think the first thing is to walk daily in the spirit of Christ. Let Christ lead us and not us lead us. IN this way we need to realize we are not in control and neither are difficult people. Christ is in control.
If we can understand that then this verse should be easy for us. Romans 12:17-21 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay," says the Lord. Therefore "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing so you will heal coals of fire on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
We've no cause to avenge anything. We need to drop the idea that we have to "get back" at someone for what they do to us.
One of the problems many Christians have, I think, if being too none confrontational in the right way. We can speak up for what is right without lashing out. Matthew 18:15 "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother."
Just tell someone gently and with kindness. If they get upset then they own that. We need to be mindful of our words to others. Pray before you speak. Our words are more powerful than we sometimes know and we often say more than we need to. You want to freak someone out? Say less. Just make your statements direct and to the point. Proverbs 17:27-28 He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.
Proverbs 26:4-5
Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.
There are a ton of scriptures that tell us how to handle people and difficult situations. It is the very heart of a Christan in the world, and it can only be done by Christ living through us. How we react to others tells the world if Christ is truly in us or not.
Jethro Bodine
Member
This is what helped me to get a godly perspective on my personal conflicts:
"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want." (James 4:1-2 NIV1984)
I learned that it was what I was afraid of losing that stirred up my ungodly resistance to the way people were treating me. The answer was to recognize that my sinful responses to the way people abused me was the result of my fear of being robbed of that which I wanted and longed for in life--peace, success, comfort, etc.
What God wants his people to do is have faith in him to meet our needs and fulfill our goals in life and not use our sinful defensive mechanisms like anger, and pride and revenge to defend the peace and satisfaction we want in life.
People who trust God to give them life are the ones who are able to be patient, long suffering, peaceable, and joyful when the natural tendency is to lash out in the deeds of the flesh when we are afraid of people robbing us of life and liberty by how they are treating us.
These are all great suggestions and I greatly appreciate the support. I've prayed about it and have given it the God. I want Him to speak through me. If that takes me praying every time I walk into the office and saying a silent prayer every time I'm in this person's presence then so be it. As someone said, less is more. And that's about as powerful as it gets
Jethro Bodine
Member
It wasn't until I started getting mastery over my fears of what people's abuse might be robbing me of that I was then able to sincerely care about them to pray for them:
43 “ You have heard that it was said, ‘ You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." (Matthew 5:43-45 NASB)
You can't pray sincerely for your enemies well being, fulfilling God's will for yourself, when you are consumed with fear for your own well being and responding in the flesh. But when we learn to trust God to take care of us when people abuse us and not resort to the evil defensive mechanisms of the flesh we can then become the holy and noble instruments through which we intercede and pray for our enemies, doing God's work.
"20 In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. 21 Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work." (2 Timothy 2:20-21 NIV)
43 “ You have heard that it was said, ‘ You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." (Matthew 5:43-45 NASB)
You can't pray sincerely for your enemies well being, fulfilling God's will for yourself, when you are consumed with fear for your own well being and responding in the flesh. But when we learn to trust God to take care of us when people abuse us and not resort to the evil defensive mechanisms of the flesh we can then become the holy and noble instruments through which we intercede and pray for our enemies, doing God's work.
"20 In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. 21 Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work." (2 Timothy 2:20-21 NIV)