Do we need to repent of the sins of our fathers?

[Jethro Bodine]

So if a person can't control their anger what then? Is some kind of healing needed?

Now I wish I'd posted that Proverb about the angry man to illustrate this generational thing:

" 24Do not associate with a man given to anger;
Or go with a hot-tempered man,

25Or you will learn his ways
And find a snare for yourself." (Proverbs 22:24-25 NASB)

Ex-rage-a-holic talking here. Knowing where it came from was one thing. It helped me in a miniscule way in that it showed me God understood. But I had to come to my own healing between me and God. God let me see how utterly useless and destructive rage is so I could stop relying on it as a way to scare people into giving me what I want. After all, that's why I flew into a rage.....I would perceive things as getting out of my control and comfort and I felt so helpless. Rage was how I threatened people into stopping what it was that threatened me. Well, it did't work....at least not without a very high cost. When I realized that, I gave it up in favor of what the Lord has for me.

I learned that coping mechanism from my dad, my brother, and later from a brother-in-law. What a stupid way to live. I took ownership of it and repented.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Ok how does one deal with it with God? Rejecting the sin or healing? Biologically does a person need healing? Are we talking genetics? The son may struggle yet cannot overcome but wants to. What would you say? It's easy to say "don't do it" but what to the person who does it without realising it

God is in charge of the healing. He'll let us run around in certain boundaries of our sin, and suffer for it, until we come to the brokenness and humility required to then start relying on God to give the love and calmness of soul we thought our sin was gaining for us.

1What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? 2You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain;so you fight and quarrel." (James 4:1-2 NASB)

Angry, contentious quarreling and fighting and rage comes from desires we are sure have to be fulfilled in order to make life good for us. We get angry with those who we think are standing in the way of that fulfillment. Well, the payday for that kind of behavior isn't exactly the payday the angry person hoped it would be. When God leads you to that truth you then begin to rely on him instead of the old mechanisms of sin we relied on before to make us happy. His arms of grace stand wide open when the sinning saint gets to that point and he receives us.

 

[Wrg1405]

Now I wish I'd posted that Proverb about the angry man to illustrate this generational thing:

" 24Do not associate with a man given to anger;
Or go with a hot-tempered man,

25Or you will learn his ways
And find a snare for yourself." (Proverbs 22:24-25 NASB)

Ex-rage-a-holic talking here. Knowing where it came from was one thing. It helped me in a miniscule way in that it showed me God understood. But I had to come to my own healing between me and God. God let me see how utterly useless and destructive rage is so I could stop relying on it as a way to scare people into giving me what I want. After all, that's why I flew into a rage.....I would perceive things as getting out of my control and comfort and I felt so helpless. Rage was how I threatened people into stopping what it was that threatened me. Well, it did't work....at least not without a very high cost. When I realized that, I gave it up in favor of what the Lord has for me.

I learned that coping mechanism from my dad, my brother, and later from a brother-in-law. What a stupid way to live. I took ownership of it and repented.

So did your healing between you and God lead to repentance or repentance lead to healing?

 

[Jethro Bodine]

So did your healing between you and God lead to repentance or repentance lead to healing?

Good question. Let me think about it.
I'm inclined at first to say the healing came first. Perhaps the healing started when I came to the despairing and destructive outcome of my sinful way. When I got there and didn't like the consequences I'd earned for my behavior, I was then able to repent of that behavior. From then on I could recognize what was coming when the rage started rising up inside of me again. I learned that it is a dead end road to indulge it and could walk in God's power to resist it--no, KILL it.

 

[Wrg1405]

God is in charge of the healing. He'll let us run around in certain boundaries of our sin, and suffer for it, until we come to the brokenness and humility required to then start relying on God to give the love and calmness of soul we thought our sin was gaining for us.

Amen Jethro and so true. Wonderful quote. It is hard when people struggle with their sin yet when we are broken and realise we need to rely on God he will deal with that sin. He dealt with my life long addiction to gambling, I tried not to gamble but couldn't and felt so unworthy because I couldn't stop, I was trying to please him by stopping. It was only when I got so distraught by it and saying I can't do it, I need you to help me. For the next two months after that I still gambled occasionally but then all of a sudden that urge, pull went (during my gambling times I would be in a gambling shop and not realised I was in there) not gambled since and had the urge to.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

I tried not to gamble but couldn't and felt so unworthy because I couldn't stop, I was trying to please him by stopping.

Surely, this is true. We don't stop sinning in order to be healed. We stop sinning because healing has started inside of us. And God being faithful to bring the work he started in us to completion will do whatever it takes to affect that healing in us. And depending how deeply entrenched that sinning is in us determines to what extent God has to go to change our mind about it. He is obligated as the faithful father he is to make sure his kids get disciplined and punished for their sin. But always toward the goal of healing us, not destroying us:

"so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed." (Hebrews 12:13 NASB bold italics mine)

Surely, you can tell us of the love and grace of Dad that was waiting at the end of your journey through your addiction to gambling.

 

[stovebolts]

So if a person can't control their anger what then? Is some kind of healing needed?

Depends on a lot of variables. Here is some wisdom for you. Life can be complicated and fragile and when it comes to anger, it can be caused by many different things. There is nothing wrong with some forms of anger. Actually, it can be healthy in some situations. Say you see an elderly person being picked on by a young teen. Healthy anger responds by protecting the elderly person. So don't get the idea that anger is always bad.

Sometimes anger is a secondary emotion that is covering hurt and inner turmoil. For that type of anger, yes, they need to heal the hurt before the anger goes away. In this case, anger is protecting a vulnerability and its contra to expose a weakness. Often, one needs to simply come to terms with the hurt or loss by whatever means, but more so than often it starts with forgiveness and humility.

 

[Runner]

My parents were both alcoholics, my dad in particular a complete hell-raiser. Both died of cirrhosis before I was 21. The notion of me repenting for their sins strikes me as absurd. And I don't even know who my grandparents were, except in the broadest of terms, so what sense would it make even to speak of me repenting for their sins? Whatever repenting needed to be done was personal to them. I was no more than eight or ten years old before I realized, "I never want to be anything like these people." Even before I became a Christian, I used to joke that I had "rebelled" against my parents by becoming a fairly normal human being. Some of the things for which I have had to repent were undoubtedly predispositions I genetically inherited from them, so when I repent of my own sins I repent of theirs to this extent - not in the sense of repenting for specifics sins they had committed, but of sins of my own toward which I might not have been predisposed with a different set of parents (but for which I cannot be excused merely because I may have had a genetic predisposition).

As a recovering rage-aholic myself, I sincerely repented numerous times before I reached the stage Jethro is talking about - something in the vein of utter despair and defeat. Anger is an especially difficult addiction to overcome because it is so easy to convince yourself that your anger is "righteous" (hey, Jesus was full of righteous anger too, wasn't he?) and because our society encourages expressing emotions as opposed to bottling them up. As the book of Eastern Orthodox theology that I happen to be reading says, expressing rage doesn't free you of it - it just makes it easier to express it the next time.

How much thinly disguised (or completely undisguised) venom do we see on this heavily-moderated site - in the context of discussions, often political and theological in nature, between people who are supposedly members of the body of Christ? "Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: ... strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, ... and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God." Galatians 5:19-21 (NASB). Hmmm. "But, hey, I'm just trying to do God's work by showing those Calvinists how wrong they are ... that KJV Only cult how ungodly it is ... those Democrats how evil their agenda is. If I occasionally appear to lapse into anger, it's a righteous anger that God smiles upon." Uh-huh, right.

I think most rage-aholics, including me, tend to excuse their anger in this way: it's healthy, it's constructive, it's righteous. I think you can only reach a stage of real repentance when you admit: no it isn't, no it isn't, no it isn't. Then the Holy Spirit can work.

"I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused." Elvis Costello, (The Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes,

.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Anger is an especially difficult addiction to overcome because it is so easy to convince yourself that your anger is "righteous" (hey, Jesus was full of righteous anger too, wasn't he?)

Righteous indignation.....the rage-aholics best friend.

I think most rage-aholics, including me, tend to excuse their anger in this way: it's healthy, it's constructive, it's righteous.

...and warranted. I don't think I ever flew into a rage in a situation that didn't somehow deserve that kind of reaction. But that hardly made it right and good.

"I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused." Elvis Costello, (The Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes,

.

Hey, cool. reba loves Elvis!

 

[stovebolts]

Runner
The act of repenting is to stop one behavior contra to Gods word and pick up a healthy behavior in accordance with Gods word.

To repent of your Fathers sin doesn't mean you committed your Fathers sin. What it means, is just as you have described. Personally, you rebelled against the sins of your Father and did the opposite. In essence, you Repented of your Fathers sin.

Not knowing for sure, but I do wonder if your Father followed in your Grandfathers footsteps. If so, congratulations for breaking the cycle. Now we see why parenting is such a crucial aspect of a child's life.