TDC Radio HERE WE GO!!!!!!
Well, APPARENTLY I couldn't wait..... lol Our message today was on Forgiveness. I was praying. I was like, "Ok, Lord, if you want me to speak....give me the words...." That was even spoken IN the message. How to do the confronting in love, going to your brother when a wrong happens, if he doesn't listen, take another for help, etc.... God provides the words to help maneuver through things..... Fine. Dandy. All AWESOME!! Ok..... Can you say "the rev of the engine on a drag race?" My pulse speeding up..... lol Here we GOOOooooo!! I guess there aren't any "baby steps" for me right now!?!? It's all good. LOL
He opened my mouth to bring the people I see every Sunday up to date. They've only known that I have really struggled with sharing, and that fear and anxiety have been huge. They didn't know how isolated I have really become, or it's just been BRIEFLY mentioned from time to time, but only hints of "oh! Let's get together for coffee....", and it dies there. I digress. I started to let them know that through many years of having Joe work so very hard, spending all but 2 days a month home because he's trying his best to provide, we really started losing the ability to talk to one another because of distance. For about 15 years. Added to this in the last couple of years was the change of life for ladies coming upon me.... I became more unavailable to my husband. You know where this is going. It happened. I didn't have anyone to confide in or share my burden that I knew of. I was scared. REALLY really REALLY angry, etc. I had lost my way to let my husband in emotionally. It took 3 to 6 months of me crying to God, asking for help, asking for where to turn... Today at church, I took them through this Journey with tears, with asking forgiveness for my distance from my husband who was sitting next to me, and I had gained his permission to speak freely. I did not blame him for what happened. I took responsibility, of the fear that kept me from sharing, fear of possible judgement, also that I was afraid if I shared it would damage my husband's testimony. I think I surprised them. There is no way they could have expected my sharing that. I didn't know I was going to share. I just followed where my tongue took me. I do not know how God wants to use this, yet. This is BRAND NEW TERRITORY for me. I haven't seen much feedback at all from sharing my testimony in any way so far, except the encouragement of, "That was AWESOME!!" from our dear Brother Robby.
I am NOT really looking for it, either. I want to be OBEDIENT and share. I THINK I'm FINALLY starting to "get it"???? Please Lord, help that continue, and PRAISE YOUR HOLY NAME!!!! Thank you JESUS!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!