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Does Marriage Counseling Work????

A

Allie

Member
Has anyone been through marriage counseling to try to save their marriage? Wife and I are definitely on the rocks. I moved into the guest bedroom this week. We have decided we want to try to fix this thing but we're not sure when we stopped being in love with each other. We have been talking about professional counseling but I kind of skeptical on whether or not it will help. Has anyone who has been to marriage counseling found it helpful? It save anyone's marriage? Did it fail after counseling? We are living in Florida and through internet resource we found one site : http://www.gatewaycounseling.com/. Is this site helpful to me. We've been together for 5 years and married for 2. Send me your suggestion and help me to protect our relationship. :sad
 
It all goes to the skill and care of the counselor, and the attitude of those being counseled.

If both of you really want to heal this relationship, and you find the right counselor, I think the chances of saving the marriage are almost 100%. We are not talking about a machine here, we are talking about a relationship between two thinking, feeling people. Add to that God's input (if you are both open to it) and you well on your way to a whole new relationship.

I knew a lady with a PHD in counseling in my church in Michigan - she was amazing at bringing people together. She can't be the only one.
 
My mom and dad separated when I was in high school. They went to a marriage counselor and worked through their problems. They went on to be happily married for another 30 years.

Pizzaguy is right...if the two of you are committed to working out the issues, and a counselor can help be the 'referee' and unbiased outside opinion as you work them out, then your chances of renewing your marriage are very high.
 
I think a good counselor helps a couple solve their own problems by helping them identify issues, level the playing field, giving them insite, but in the end it's the couple who does the work.

Good luck. If there are any issues you want to post here, maybe one of us can help a little.
 
Marriage counseling does work if the couple works it and the therapist is trained well. I am unfamiliar with that link, but here's one to AACC where you can click to find a Christian counselor. http://www.aacc.net/ You can also go to the APA website and find psychologists etc and during the interview process ask about their view on the spiritual side of therapy.http://locator.apa.org/ You'd be surprised how many Christian psychologists there are. ;)

In the meantime, I would suggest you begin dating again. Really. Make a date, dress up (or casual as the date demands) and go enjoy each other. No discussion of the problems in life (just like you wouldn't on a real date, right???) Talk about your dreams and goals as if you were not yet married. Be polite, smile etc. Communicate.

What I've found is that people divorce for the exact reason they married! Let me explain... one loved the other's carefree way of spending, another enjoyed their work ethic. Now, the carefree way of spending is considered irresponsible, and the work ethic is keeping that spouse from being home!

You didn't get to this place quickly... you must agree to give it time and to be happy with small successes along the way back to health.
 
In my experience, no it does not. If both were willing to work on the issues then you would not need to be going to conseling in the first place. A counselor does not have magic dust to sprinkle on the spouse in rebellion and all it better. Also in the case of US law and church president there is little reason for a woman to cooperate, the church will tell her husband he can not divorce and even if he does the US courts will strip him of all he has.

When there are no consequences to non compliance how is it suppose to work? I have suggested to friends in this sitaution that they need to get a copy of rosetta stone and leave the US because the US court systems will wreck their lives, they dident leave and the US courts are doing exactly what I said they would, they have no disposible income and are living pay check to pay check because of all the liabilities their ex saddled them with and they left church because the church offers no credible remedies for such situations.

Our pastor sent out an email about the evils of islam and I said wait a second, after feminism has finished gutting the US court system, middle east nations may become a safe haven for men in such situations. Who are we to call islam evil, we just need to look in the mirror at our own courts and lack of remedys in our own churchs. Not that I think the philospical tenats of islam are correct but they certianly have better remedys to such situations (outside of the extremeists you see on the news every day).

Sometimes I wonder if the amish are the only ones that have it right lol, of course at the end of the day they are still exposed to the US courts.
 
highlife said:
If both were willing to work on the issues then you would not need to be going to conseling in the first place.
Click to expand...

I know that, in a lot of cases, it is one of the two who is just not going to meet halfway. In that case, you are, of course, right.

This does not change the fact that I have seen marriages healed. But, of course, yes - it takes TWO.
 
Hmmmm. . .

Good question, "Does Marriage Counseling Work?"

I suppose it depends on how broad or narrow our definition of "marriage counseling" would be.

Is it confined to an office, talking to a complete stranger or could it include posting in this or another community?

Does counseling include what we hear on the street, on the job, from that friend with issues trying to fix ours?

Is the definition of "marriage counselor" restricted to the doctoral professional or would it also include those with scars; having been through battles themselves?

I suppose for marriage counseling to work, one must also factor in the source of that counseling or counselor.



Be blessed, Stay blessed, and be Bold!
 
Not to be a huge downer but most marriage counseling has like an 80% failure rate. There are many opinions as to the reasons for this. Some say it's because people wait too long and by the time a counselor is sought out, things are too far gone for them to help. It is my opinion that the most common reason is a failure for both parties to own their own contribution to the problems. Too often one or both go into the counseling with the idea that the counselor will "fix" their spouse. And far too often that's exactly what the counselor tries to do. They make the mistake of deciding that one person's contributions to the dysfunction are the main problem and focus too intently on that person. Not all counselors are that way but too many are.

In a more general sense the problem with a lot of counseling is that it focuses on what's wrong and how to fix it as opposed to focusing on what's right and how to strengthen that. Granted there are some things that are so wrong that they need to be addressed immediately, like infidelity or abuse. But those are present in only a small number(relatively speaking) of troubled marriages. But rather than going in a looking at all that's wrong and how to fix it, it may be more productive to focus more on what's still right, even if it seems terribly small at the moment.
 
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