Downward spiral of loneliness?

[KennyS]

Long story short, I'm basically a failure at everything. I never strive for the most out of anything, just scrape through.

I have friends, I go out, have fun. I'm 18 by the way.

I am Christian but I've found myself really questioning Christianity recently. God has his plan for everyone but everything in my life thus far has been tedious and often resulted in feeling down.

Anyway, what this is really about is being single. I've never had a real girlfriend, and I know the girl I do have feelings for doesn't share the same ones with me. So no point even bothering with it.

It's gotten to a point with some recent events where I can say if I were to die in a car accident or something soon, that would be completely fine.

I just feel as though my death would be a sweet end to my meaningless life, and no I'm not suicidal. It's just that there's so many other people gifted with relationships, intelligence and all the rest. Yet I have nothing, yer selfish I know.

I just don't understand why some people have all this stuff and I don't, like society is just mocking me for the failure I am.

I've always felt like my life is pointless and wasted, I am nothing and never will be.

Should I just tell this girl how I feel about her anyway? Even though I'm pretty sure she doesn't reciprocate these feelings?

I don't know why I think having a girlfriend will make me the best version of myself but it's worth a try.

Thanks for anyone who went through the trouble to read through this emotional babble.

 

[evenifigoalone]

I think most everyone feels this way at some point, even people who are legitimately talented in an area. (They may feel that others are far more talented than they are. This is my relationship with my artistic talent at the moment.)
I think if you want to confess to the girl you should, but don't do it thinking that a relationship will solve your problems. Most people have a desire for a relationship, it's a very normal and very human desire and it's fine to be in a relationship, but it's not the answer to life's problems.

What I recommend...set realistic goals for yourself, take things one day at a time. If you haven't graduated from high school, concentrate on doing well in school. Find ways to challenge yourself academically and in skills that will help you later on--I really wish I had done this in high school. I'm paying for my negligence now.

Questioning your faith is normal. Read your Bible and try to connect to God through prayer daily. Ask for guidance, and talk to God as you would a friend. You can even talk to Him about your doubts.

I also struggle with feelings of self worth, I feel so lazy and useless compared to everyone. Most people my age are in college making something of themselves. (I'm working on getting there.)
But you do have talents, you just have to find out what they are and cultivate them. God can and will use those talents if you let Him guide you. You may not find it right away, that's fine.

Setbacks will happen, and you aren't always going to be happy with yourself. Take one day at a time, be honest with yourself and areas where you may need to improve, but don't let setbacks push you to be too hard on yourself.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."~Matthew 6:34 NIV

 

[Brother Mike]

Anyway, what this is really about is being single. I've never had a real girlfriend, and I know the girl I do have feelings for doesn't share the same ones with me. So no point even bothering with it.

ya, and thank God for it. At 18, Girls should be the least of your concerns. Serving God and building a strong foundation for the future, in His plan and will.

My son 23 has never dated, working on the Church internet team and is a supervisor at Walmart. He studies day and night programming language. He is building a foundation and getting in the will of God to run his race. There is so much more that is important at such a young age than to think about girls.

 

[Edward]

Brother Mike is right. Life has bigger fish in the pan than girls. This life is all about preparation for our new life in heaven. You might even think of it as training. Building up your character, patience, building endurance, and knowledge in the Lord.

There are times that it will be hard. Very hard. But it's all in preparation for what the Lord has planned for us. Heavenly AIT training. And it seems to be working from what you say. It's whittled you down to feeling weak and like nothing.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong./(KJV)

Sound familiar? Rejoice brother! You may not understand it all right now, but the Lord is working in your life and taking you down to nothing, which is where he needs you to be so that He can work.You may be feeling shattered and broken but the Lord can take all of those broken shards of glass and reassemble them into a beautiful Tiffany lamp.

Learn to be content brother, with where you are. The Lord isn't going to lead you somewhere and then not see you through it. So try not to get perturbed and start feeling selfish over the situation. This life isn't about you, it's about the Lord. He suffered greatly for you, and scripture says that if you suffer also as He did, then you will also share in His glory and rewards. Good luck brother, I'm praying for you.

 

[iLOVE]

Long story short, I'm basically a failure at everything. I never strive for the most out of anything, just scrape through.

I have friends, I go out, have fun. I'm 18 by the way.

I am Christian but I've found myself really questioning Christianity recently. God has his plan for everyone but everything in my life thus far has been tedious and often resulted in feeling down.

Anyway, what this is really about is being single. I've never had a real girlfriend, and I know the girl I do have feelings for doesn't share the same ones with me. So no point even bothering with it.

It's gotten to a point with some recent events where I can say if I were to die in a car accident or something soon, that would be completely fine.

I just feel as though my death would be a sweet end to my meaningless life, and no I'm not suicidal. It's just that there's so many other people gifted with relationships, intelligence and all the rest. Yet I have nothing, yer selfish I know.

I just don't understand why some people have all this stuff and I don't, like society is just mocking me for the failure I am.

I've always felt like my life is pointless and wasted, I am nothing and never will be.

Should I just tell this girl how I feel about her anyway? Even though I'm pretty sure she doesn't reciprocate these feelings?

I don't know why I think having a girlfriend will make me the best version of myself but it's worth a try.

Thanks for anyone who went through the trouble to read through this emotional babble.

 

[Helena Winters]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Loneliness is a difficult feeling. I will pray for you. It sounds like you are quite young--many people don't meet their first partner until later in life. Try to focus on what you love in life and the person meant for you will be attracted into your life naturally.
You know, dating comes with a lot of struggles, too. No relationship is perfect and they take a lot of work and compromise. Try to enjoy being single while you can. God has someone special in mind for everyone who is willing to love and compromise, and once you're in a relationship, you might miss some aspects of being single :P

 

[jack K]

Hi Kenny

Just hang in there, things will get better. Trust me, I know life sucks at times and you feel like you have nothing going for you but try not to compare yourself to others, you perfect the way you are.
We all have different talents and try to find where your strength lies and you will excel in that. You know sometimes we look at people and their life seems so "perfect" but it's only like from the outside.

You still have your whole life ahead of you, try reading inspirational stories.

 

[Senator Cheese]

Long story short, I'm basically a failure at everything. I never strive for the most out of anything, just scrape through.

I have friends, I go out, have fun. I'm 18 by the way.

I am Christian but I've found myself really questioning Christianity recently. God has his plan for everyone but everything in my life thus far has been tedious and often resulted in feeling down.

Anyway, what this is really about is being single. I've never had a real girlfriend, and I know the girl I do have feelings for doesn't share the same ones with me. So no point even bothering with it.

It's gotten to a point with some recent events where I can say if I were to die in a car accident or something soon, that would be completely fine.

I just feel as though my death would be a sweet end to my meaningless life, and no I'm not suicidal. It's just that there's so many other people gifted with relationships, intelligence and all the rest. Yet I have nothing, yer selfish I know.

I just don't understand why some people have all this stuff and I don't, like society is just mocking me for the failure I am.

I've always felt like my life is pointless and wasted, I am nothing and never will be.

Should I just tell this girl how I feel about her anyway? Even though I'm pretty sure she doesn't reciprocate these feelings?

I don't know why I think having a girlfriend will make me the best version of myself but it's worth a try.

Thanks for anyone who went through the trouble to read through this emotional babble.

Hey Kenny,

first of all, I want to commend you on sharing your experiences. I think it takes a lot of guts to actually write down your feelings and get them sorted out in your head. To be frank with you, I've had similar problems in the past. I also struggled with the concept of loneliness - although retrospectively, I don't really think that it was loneliness that was bothering me: much rather, it was a feeling of inadequacy.
It turns out that it wasn't really a desire to have someone to talk to than it was a desire to actually have a girlfriend. It wasn't a quest for true love, but more or less a desire to feel wooed, celebrated or even admired by someone of the opposite gender. Then of course there was the feeling that "everyone else" has a girlfriend and the neverending self judgement that burns holes into your self esteem.

I highly doubt that you "have nothing". Part of getting out of that slump is realizing the many ways in which you are blessed, starting with health and moving on to a profound insight into your own emotions. I mean, simply judging by your post I'll go ahead and assume that you probably ponder on your own behavior, thoughts and capabilities more than any average teenager I know. And even though it might not seem as much right now, that kind of critical thinking is elemental if you're ever going to be in a position in which you have to work with people.

God has put talents into each and every one of us, and the fact that you're actively seeking input on a Christian forum is a sign that you haven't given up on the Lord just yet, and that is something that will be rewarded.

Before I get all preachy, let me give you two words of solid and practical advice:

1.) Don't talk to the girl if you're certain she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. If you think there's a chance you two might end up together, then go ahead and give it a try - but if you just want to blow off some steam, I think you might end up winding up in a situation that you might get cringy feelings about once you remember back five years later.

2.) Don't sweat the girlfriend thing. Although it sounds completely ridiculous and mean, most girls tend to shift their perception sometime around the age they turn twenty - and it goes from a big-biceps-bad-guy to a man that is able to sustain her family. It takes some times for girl to hit maturity, y'know? ;) Of course, it doesn't really hurt to hit the gym nonetheless.

Is it just the girlfriend thing that's bothering you?
Remember that God faces us with no challenge that we can't overcome. I sometimes have the feeling that God enjoys giving us some degree of struggle every once in a while, so that we may grow in it. So that we may learn not to take things for granted and to give us some perspective on life. And even though faith is the root of our foundation, it doesn't excuse us from working hard to overcome obstacles and to get our act together.

Be confident in yourself - you're made for more. And if you're really concerned that you'll wind up alone, always know that God has a plan.
And when it comes to girls: work hard in school, get a job with which you can provide and sustain, and you will be absolutely fine.