Fathers

[Sparkey]

Fathers
I am the happy, proud father of two sons. I've had the opportunity to learn many things about being a father. It's been quite an involved process but the Bible says, "Where you are weak, there you are strong." The particular position of a father is a very high calling. Much of this applies both the the father and the mother, both being in a position of authority over the children in the family. Plus, there is so much to learn. You might be surprised how much there is to learn even if you're not a father as we go through it.


We, as fathers, are the head of the human race. God has ordained the father to be the head of the family and the family is the head of the human race. God is of course, head of all, and He is a Father. It's interesting that those who don't know God tend to say, "We have the family and the father holds a certain position and all, and there is an image of what we have as "father" and we apply that to some being out there because that's what we call our parent and we try to extend what we know to what we don't know.

GOD FIRST
But that's for those who don't believe God but the Bible says that it was just the opposite way. That God was first. He occupies a certain position, He has a certain authority and responsibility and He transferred that to those on earth. And on earth, he placed the man into that position. So God holds the position and He puts that position of authority to those of us who are fathers on earth. For we are expressing God on earth, and it's true.


We are expressing God on earth. Those tender souls that are brought up in your family tend to know God and understand life largely depending on how the father plays his role, given by God. We find in life that we are largely shaped by what happens in our family. And whether the father was the prime source of that molding, still he is chiefly responsible. The prominent role that a father plays in the lives of their children isn't limited to the family. From what happens in the family, in the community, in the school and civil organizations and then in the nation and then in the earth. He is chiefly responsible and therefore the father chiefly shapes the future of this life.


Now in the New Testament, under the new covenant, God's role is chiefly seen as Father and we are chiefly seen as sons. Because we entered into a new relationship with God that was not the old covenant. In the old covenant, they were not born again. In the new covenant, we are begotten of God, anew, afresh. The bible calls it being "born of God." Now, being born of God, we enter into a very new and wonderful relationship. In this relationship, God becomes our Father. Jesus becomes our "pattern" that we have on earth. He began every prayer that we have recorded with, "Father..."

Our Example
Every prayer. Read them. Stretch them out. There are seven of them recorded and every one begain by Jesus saying, "Father." And so He is our example. To us, for the position that God takes in our life as being chiefly "Father" because we are born again. Now, very important role, this High Calling of God, that should be taken with a marvelous magnitude of rejoicing but also with great sobriety, but is also so viciously attacked.


I don't know of any generation where the role of father has be so systematically maligned and undermined and tried to be cast down as the one we are in now. The magnitude of the importance of a father is being played down in our society. Or fathers are not given their due, nor the feeling or sense of responsibility that they should. The role of a father is being mocked, and they are being accused. The responsibility of a father is being shirked. The respect to the office is being undermined. Other offices of authority are also being treated this way but it chiefly stands that if that one can be cast down then the very family can be corrupted from within. The true position of a father is being threatened in these days. I would dare say that every one of us here has been effected by this.

"King" of the hill
Have you ever played king of the hill? It doesn't matter how you do it, whether you push or pull, but you have to get that guy off the hill. If you trying pushing and he resists then you change the direction and pull him down on top of you, just so long as you get that guy off of the hill. That's what the devil is doing these days. Trying anything to remove fatherhood from its God given place and cast it into one of two ditches.

The 1st "ditch"
The first position (or target) is the father as a wimp. Can I use that word? That's the one ditch. The father has become a wimp, a milk-toast. Pushed around without the position of authority and therefore without the feeling of responsibility. There is a very basic concept that must be understood and that is about authority. Authority is being attacked, it's almost as if a person isn't in authority or something, like people are saying, "Who are you to tell me what to do?" and children are saying this to their parents, they are saying this to their teachers, they are saying this to the government. "You can't tell me what to do."


And there's a real simple reason why they are there to tell them what to do. And this is it: that person has responsibility for some aspect of that other one's life. And in the area they are responsible of necessity they have authority. If the teacher is responsible to see that the child is taught, then he has authority to ensure that child gets taught. That child comes out of that school untaught? Who's responsible? The teacher. Now, if society strips away the authority of that teacher, then that teacher has a right to relinquish his responsibility. He can say, "I'm not responsible for what those kids turn out like," because he didn't have authority.


Now, if on one hand you say to an individual that, "You are responsible," but on the other hand there is no authority to carry out such responsibility, you have frustrated that individual beyond tears. And that is exactly what is being done in our school system. No discipline. Don't in any way infringe upon his freedom and expression of development, yet you are responsible for the final product. Well, you and the television set, that is. But I digress....

In the family the same kind of thing is happening. The fathers were one-time-boys who grew up in a family. Many times they are brought up and not given any responsibility. They are not taught to work. They're babied. They are "mamby-pambied". Not shown the consequences of their actions. They are not required to do the hard things or cause the child to develop. They are over mothered oftentimes. They are over there somewhere doing "their own thing" in selfishness and therefore the mother, without security in the husband, tries to find security in the children. Oftentimes young boys are over-mothered and we find effeminate men on the increase in the nation. There is no strength of decision because as a child, he's never brought up that way, with responsibilities and so he doesn't have to carry them out and comes up into a position where he fathers a child and he doesn't know what to do with it. Well, that's one ditch, one place that fathers may be thrown toward in the struggle for the family and hence the earth.


Another ditch would be when a father becomes a tyrant. What happens again, he enters into the fatherhood position, and because of insecurities and all kinds of reasons, he's trying to seek his "respect". He's looking for a place where he can hold out something and really say, "This is MINE." He wants to bring forth some fruit where he has control over it and so he tries to take that authority and take that position by domineering. He's putting himself into authority without the Love of God and without the sensitivity. Therefore he becomes a tyrant. Forcing, controlling. Not in touch with the needs of the children. Or the wife and he becomes a tyrant. Harsh, overbearing and unloving. That's another one of the two ditches.


Interesting that both of these come because of a lack of love and because of a lack of sacrifice.

(more later, as time allows)

 

[Sparkey]

Now, let's talk about the biblical view of a father.

There is a responsibility for a father. The bible is very clear on it. And whatever the bible says, it's right. Yep. In this book are brought forth eternal truths. And God, you'll have to admit, has had more experience about it anyway because here He was the one that fathered us. The Creator, the Author, the Cause of all things. He holds responsibility for everything and He's doing a perfect job. The Bible talks about our responsibility in salvation and what we are to do, it talks about our daily Christian walk and what we are to do, it talks about the future and what's going to happen and it's always right and so when it talks about the position of the father, it's always right there too.


Main Text: Eph 6:4

Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Now, to "provoke to wrath" here is an intense word in the Greek. It means to arouse to anger. It means arouse to anger, but this one is intensified and this can be done many ways, but we'll save that for later. Without love, without patience, with overbearing, doing it in carnality, lack of discipline --all can provoke a child to wrath. And rightfully so, and so the Bible is telling the father, "Don't do it." But to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.


Now this word, "to bring up" means to nurture or to rear. It comes from two Greek words, meaning "to feed" and "out of". It gives the idea of "to feed out" or to feed and bring up to maturity. Like you were to fatten a calf, to make sure it was fed well until it came to maturity. And so the children are to be "fed out," that is, they are to be nourished up all the way to maturity. So to bring them up in the nurture...


Now this word, "nurture" (Gk. paideia)is a word that has a broad base of use. It comes from the word for child, actually. And the word, "nurture" speaks of the entire training and education of children. It's a real broad term, their entire training and cultivation. All that relates to their mind and morals. It involves commands, admonitions, reproofs, and punishments. It involves rewards. Correcting mistakes, curbing passions and taking on and teaching the truth. We are to "bring them up," the whole training and education --how?


... In the admonition of the Lord. Bring them up in the nurture (excuse me) and in the admonition of the Lord. Admonitions means exortation. Warnings are admonitions. It is to be "of the Lord," that is, it is to be after His pattern. He has done it for us, that is, has brought us up, has nurtured us, has admonished us and we are to follow his example and we are to nurture and bring up (in likewise manner) and to admonish our children. We are to take the actions He takes, and we are to carry the attitudes He has. We are to carry forth, therefore, our nurture and admonition, in the Lord.

in this verse, we see three basic responsibilities. These are the three that I want to discuss. The three are:

• To Love
• To Discipline
• To Teach

These are the basic responsibilities of the father. Don't provoke them to wrath. Love them. There's got to be a care, a concern for them, but to also bring them up in the nurture (the whole training of a child, to teach and raise and guide their minds and education until maturity) and in the admonition (that is the warnings, the exhortations, the guidance and expectations) of the Lord.

 

[Sparkey]

I'd like to cover these three responsibilities in reverse order because normally, in life, we cover them that way. First, we teach, then we correct, and then in the end love is to be the end of it all, of course love is to be within it all.

First, we are to teach. Recall the offices that are given to the church. Pastor is actually the "Pastor-Teacher," it's all one word. (Let me run and check the Greek there to double check my memory... nope, I'm wrong about that, pardon, but the point is the point) A pastor has to teach his church. The first responsibility of a shepherd is to feed the sheep. If he's not teaching, he's not pastoring them. If he doesn't feed them, he hasn't helped them. He can beat up all the wolves in the world, but if he doesn't feed them, he hasn't helped them and they still die.

And so a father, is called, firstly to be a teacher. Whether we know it or not, we are constantly teaching our children as fathers. By our example we are teaching others.

Deut 6:4-6;7-9

Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is one Lord. Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, with all thy soul and with all thy might. These words that I command thee this day shall be in thine heart.

So that is not supposed to be "up there" it is to come down into our heart and into our lives... and then listen to verse seven - right when He's telling you what to do, He says this:

... and thou shalt teach them dilligently unto thy children and shalt talk to them when thou sitteth in thine house, and when thou walketh by the way, and why thou liest down (yes, at times of rest) and when thou riseth up

"Well, I'm just busy taking a vacation, I'm in church listening, I'm just resting at home..." ---> You're still teaching. The Christian home should be a bastion of truth for the child. The word should be everywhere and the father should be continually imparting it unto the children.

Now this word, "teach diligently," - thou shalt teach them diligently, is one Hebrew word. And the root means "to point" or to sharpen. And here it is in an intensified form, a doubling form, that means to teach and impress by frequent repetition and admonition. So you're making the point. Bringing it in, and bringing it in, and bringing it in. You're sharpening that thing in that child. You're covering it again and again. It's like when they are working on the Olympics and skating and all that and they continue to work it (I've heard) until they get within and eighth of an inch (and I couldn't believe that) - a perfect figure eight! And eighth of an inch, unreal when it's such a large pattern...

Getting sleepy, more later

 

[Sparkey]

Teaching (cont)

We're with our children a lot. The family unit is the strongest unit of their life. We are with them and are to teach diligently and with repetition and admonition. What are we to teach? Scripture says this, "Thy word; That they are to love the Lord thy God (and so-forth)" and "these words which I command you this day." It's the words of God! That is to be the basis, the truth that will last forever. The truth involves principles, principles of life. Every situation in life, every position you come into, everything that you are in with the children, gives and affords an opportunity to teach the Word of God.


Instead of being tight-mouthed, because you're upset with your children, you can be imparting to them: life. Speak about creation, about the heavens, about the unsaved (or even the unshaved?!? *smile*), look at this person here and whatnot, as you're driving past people and sharing your thoughts, about poverty and strangers and giving and justice, and look what causes... sometimes situations come up, what a perfect opportunity to share the blessings that have been given. They're in that place because of rebellion, or look at this one, they are seen to be representatives of their choices, eschewing evil and proclaiming good. It is by reason of use that we are able to perceive good and evil - the Lord does not give meat to those who are newly born, but instead gives that responsibility to chew and to help to those over the young. Much of that will stick in the mind of a child. They will remember those things, it will impact them.

So many times have I been amazed because there I am saying something to those blank faces but then a week or two later, out it comes. And they feel proud because they know something. And where did they learn it? They learned it last week, when I thought they weren't paying attention. That thing, that particular thing, came right out of them and they just feel like "this is mine." It effected their life, it came from God and effected your life and in this simple manner God was multiplied and magnified in their sight.


How many fathers witness to their children? And they want to share. They pick that up. They have no reason to fear and when we explain it to them, they pick it up.


Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

"Train up" in Hebrew comes from a word "to make narrow". The way it is uses can mean to put something in your mouth and then close your mouth upon it. Narrow. Take something out here and put it right in there. Keep that design in mind. Make it narrow. Take the truth, and in order to make it narrow, to train them up, you put something into their mouths. Something to be tasted. Imbue them with truth. Make it narrow, you bring it right down to them. As a father, as a parent, we are to "train up" that child, to take that truth and to narrow it down and put it into that child so they understand and fill them full so it is continuing of training and instruction. It says, "train up a child" (let me read it here, 22:6) "in the way he should go." Not your own whim. But according to the Word of God, and train him up, not just "commanding" certainly it does not mean to "stuff it down his throat." Some do this, but that won't work. We have to train them, we have to show them. Make it narrow and give it to them so that it becomes a part of their life. A child that is constantly yelled at to do things but never shown how to do it, never explained how to do it, never disciplined as to how to do it would be just like a football coach standing on the edge of the field and never showing what to do, but just yelling at them when they do wrong, telling them what they did wrong. They're lost. You know they don't know what to do because they haven't been trained up yet. Start with the young boys in football. You've got to show them every step, you've got to tell them and show them and encourage them to practice every step, give them principles and overview as they learn the detail involved in the specifics. Sometimes you have to actually, you know, lift their leg and show them exactly how to place their foot to the ball to kick or describe drawing the ball back past the ear and show the angles of the elbow - setting their arm for them and the placement of their little fingers on the threads...


It's according to the way it should go, not just tell them. The basic truths and principles have to be put into their lives. So you see, as a father we are constantly teaching. By what we do, and what we don't do. Bu what we allow to be done and what we don't allow. We are training. Everything that happens, in other words, is a training session. Children are students of life. I think the Hebrew word for "child" is just the opposite, meaning to tumble about. But this is where Fathers are to come in.

 

[reba]

Exultant!

 

[jasoncran]

convicting.

 

[Sparkey]

convicting.

I get convicted as I write.

Fathers and Training
The areas, even the mistakes that we make... the children are going to see it. We've turned away from it but they are going to pick it up to taste it - what's the first thing a baby does when it comes into their grasp? Straight to the mouth, right? That habit doesn't stop because they taste our mistakes too. Everything they are around they're going to pick up, they're going to try it. They're hungry and life is just so full of things, what a voracious appitite! Every thing that they can get their hands on, they want it. Even the quiet ones that just sit there like that, they are hungry too. Lots of things are coming into them, they are being affected, they are being trained.


One study was done to determine what caused teenagers to become involved in church. And they asked, what do you think, at the beginning of the study and it was answered by the teens that they thought it would be the ones who were the most spiritual who would have the most potential, the most impact. Now it's true that spirituality will have a great impact, but at the conclusion of the study the main thing that determined or contributed to the involvement of the teens was the involvement of their parents. In general it boiled down to that. The teens whose parents are most involved are also most involved. They just followed the example set before them.


That's why I say that the first calling of a father is to teach. Okay, secondly... a word about correction.

Discipline
Discipline. O, discipline. Some love it, some hate it. Some say, "Yeah, I'm gonna keep those kids in order..." and others say, "Boy, discipline -- gotta spank, you know and etc., etc." God holds the parents accountable to discipline their family.

1Sam 3:13-14 Eli, the High Priest, raised his children not according to God's commandment. And look at how God viewed it. Starting at verse 12, "In that day, I will perform against Eli, all that I have spoken concerning his house." "What I begin, I will also make an end." Now, what does God got against Eli? The High Priest? "For I have told him that I will judge his house forever." "Because his sons made themselves vile and he restrained them not." He restrained them not. Now these were children that were older. It started when they were younger, but what they were doing when they were older was still the responsibility of Eli. "And therefore I have sworn unto Eli that the iniquities of Eli's house shall not be purged with sacrifices nor offerings forever." Look at the responsibility upon Eli. He is held accountable by God. So you say, "Oh! That brat! He makes his decision, he goes..." No, no, no, no... We allowed it. We set the pattern. We set the example and the atmosphere. We become the result of what we are, yes. We are born and are different than anybody else and we are separate and different but you take that and there's a whole process of training and molding and that process is largely falling on the heads and the shoulders of the father. It's his responsibility, he's the one that is accountable, it didn't mention the children except their actions were vile, but it did mention Eli. He is the one held responsible and he did not restrain his sons.

Do what I say and not what I do??
Now, disciplining is not imposing your own will upon the poor defenseless kid. Ya big bully! Who do you think you are telling him what to do? That's practically the atmosphere that's gotten out here in the world. No, it's not imposing your own will upon them. Rather, you are obligated, in fact it is binding upon us, to teach them faithfully in the will of God. Not imposing your own will, you're keeping them safe in God's will. it's a high charge, to have these little ones that you've brought up, that you've fathered and brought forth. A child's obedience to the father is not optional. It's required. And it's not required by you, it's required by God. It's essential. It has to be. It is a necessity for the father to have a clear standard in the home. That clear standard must be constantly applied to every situation. Any disobedience or rebellion must be dealt with, every time. That's the way God does it and that's the way it talks about it in the Word.


God help us! Our families largely in the nation have become like the United States Judicial System. Ecclesiastes 8:11 Because a sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, the heart of the sons of men is fully set within them to do evil." It's not executed speedily. Four years down the road after the big court trial, some guy finally you know, gets slapped on the hand. It's not executed speedily, and in the family the same thing holds true. We have to deal with rebellion and disobedience every time. The authority of the father must always stand. Respect must be given to that office continually along with the responsibility to see that it is so.


Notice God, our Father. He doesn't budge an inch. He holds true to the standard no matter what anybody says, no matter what kind of tantrum you throw, He doesn't move. On the other hand, isn't He the most loving Father the world has? He's a loving Father. In fact, He's Love itself. He's the quickest to forgive, He's so quick to forgive, isn't He? And he always takes our weakness and our immaturity into account, doesn't He? He does. He always deals with us where we are. According to who we are. He knows our frame, that which defines us, He is such a loving heavenly Father! But He won't budge an inch. He says, "I'm God. That's it." "I'm your Father and that settles it."

A digression
Now we, of course, have to have that same attitude. Not budge and inch. Not budge an inch from the position of responsibility and authority of the father. Obedience and respect must be given to that office. And it is our responsibility to see that it is but that doesn't mean to get out the club and start beating the kids. It doesn't mean that at all. We have to be just as loving as God. This is often where the problem lies. We have to be just as patient, just as forgiving, just as wise. It is required of that wisdom to understand our children, to know where they are, to know their weaknesses, to act according to their age level and according to their path and what they've gone through and so-forth. If they have gone through some big or terrible situation. I remember one time when I was playing with gas...


I was mowing the lawn (and I should never have done this! Dummy!) And there was a flame and it was glowing and I threw some gas on, and the flame came right up and it went right into this can... One can of gas. Bye-bye Sparrow, huh? I tell you, I tried to put it out. I was afraid it would blow up, I put my hand on the funnel and I didn't know what to do. And it wouldn't go out and I scrambled around and then went screaming into the house, "Daaaaddd!!!" You know. I got disciplined a thousand times over. In that particular instant my mom was so upset and this is the only time it ever happened to me in my life, my parents loved me, but she, "WHAT!?!" :shocked and she "POW" and she slapped me. I've been spanked but this was a smack. It was just a response, and it scared her to death, you know, it was right next to the house, and she was upset and, "What have you done now?" And that was one discipline that I knew was wrong. And later, she came and she apologized and told me how relieved she was that I wasn't hurt. I had already been disciplined. Believe me. That scared me like I had not been scared before. I never played with matches and with gas again. Well, that was the second time I had played with fire, but I won't tell you about when I was three years old and the lighter in the closet... will close again as I collect my thoughts and get back to finish back on subject - fathers, families and discipline - then conclude with the part that is folded into it all, that which is called love...

 

[Sparkey]

Discipline[/c] (cont.)

There's a situation, sometimes a kid gets into. Well, the Bible says, "Spare not the rod..." and the kid's gone through so much already. From what he did, you know. He doesn't need a spanking, he's been spanked a thousand times over, he just needs teaching, "Now, you see what has happened? You have been disciplined." Because of the circumstance of what has happened. "Now, let that be a lesson to you," you see.


I'm just saying you have to be sensitive to lives, you have to be loving and concerned. And yet, NOT budge an inch. Not an inch. Now, God is absolutely perfect in everything He's done. And in His creation, He has set laws in motion that never change. And these laws such as they that govern gravity, heat, speed, time, etc., must be obeyed. They are laws that all of us are under and governed by. We are under their authority. Now, he has put within us, certain aspects, within our bodies to protect us. In protection, it causes us pain and hardship when we go against those laws. But God has put within us a nervous system that "spanks" us every time we do wrong to it. You know this and the story of the little child who wanders over to the stove and Momma says, "It's hot. Don't touch." But eventually the child put his little hand up there and touches near that hot stove and they get sizzled good. Now, God has, through those senses, that go right down that arm and explode in that brain, said, "Don't you dare do that again!" And it works every time.


When they are learning how to walk they also learn the law of gravity and how you can not fool around with gravity. They look and peer over that ledge, inviting the topple, inviting the correction to the Hebrew word for children, to tumble... They have no fear when they haven't been bumped yet. At a certain age, and depending on what they are doing and until they have the experience, but after they have had that experience, they learn. The next time they come to that edge, they say, "Ut ah," what happened? Their nervous system spanked them and said, "Don't you do that again." They violated a law. The law itself corrected them.


They start crawling and it's pretty safe but then they start walking and get to going pretty good. And you find yourself saying, "Now you be careful and keep those feet underneath you..." then it's bicycles and that's when you put those training wheels out there and the lesson is repeated. They learn balance and the laws of nature come into effect. Even the laws of time. You water that plant and time says you need to come back and water it again, but three months later, time will have disciplined them. The children suffer the death of the plant or anything they are taking care of or learning to care for and time also disciplines them. It can bring them hard experiences teaching them and training them to do what is right.


And so we find that we have to submit to the authority of these laws. They do not change. Time has not relinquished its grasp, gravity as not relinquished its grasp. None of these laws have relinquished their grasp. Heat has not. And so we learn to submit to their authority because of the consistency and the speedy execution of the standards they uphold. When we violate that authority, POW they spank us, don't they and we submit to it and learn to understand to walk in caution and to submission to those laws.


God wants us to bring that same consistency and compassionate desire to help, especially when it concerns the authority and responsibility of the parents. As the authority of time and the authority of gravity rules over that child, so the authority of the parents should rule over that child. God's perfect in setting His laws and so he wants us, as fathers to take the cue and to be good fathers unto our children. If the authority of the parents is relinquished, when all these other laws are never relinquished, but that one is? The child will grow up with it in them to be rebellious to all authority. It will be in them to test and rebel against authority, no matter what authority it is, from the time of their growing to the time when they are grown, the authority that they will rebel against that will harm them most will be the authority of God. Because if they have not learned the authority of the parent, it is so difficult to follow the authority of God. Many of you know that. I know that. Some will come to Christ and they will just go with Him and follow closely and learn His ways as they mature. Others will come in and they say, "Why am I so rebellious?" "Why am I struggling so hard?" And it will be causing tremendous pain.


So you see, discipline is un-passioned. It's not the typical way that the world will rate discipline where the irate parent comes and says, "I will beat that wickedness out of you," no. That's not what discipline is at all. It's an un-passioned, loving, consistent action that does not involve breaking the relationship between the parent and the child even for a moment. It's action to back up the authority, that's all. Just like that. The discipline by the father in the family is essential and of course, by the mother also.

The only way we are going to make it from child up to God-fearing submissive to authority (and authority is everywhere) is even in that clock that says 12:15, in order for them to grow up, they have got to be disciplined. It's as simple as that. Time is telling me to sleep, and I've learned to obey or at least listen to that voice, so I'll pause again... back later.

 

[Sparkey]

Proverbs 6:23

I trust that much of what I'm saying is old hat for some of you.

For the commandment is the lamp, and the law is light, and reproof of instruction are the way of life

You know there is a path, you have knowledge of the path and you have light to see it but that's not gonna make you walk on it. You can have knowledge but not be following. What's going to help you walk on it? Reproofs of instructions are the way. The way of life. We see the path, we have the opportunity, but the only way we are going to make it is when we are disciplined. Later in our walk it is self-discipline that keeps our foot from straying. That's so ahhhh... proverbial, isn't it?

The Sluggard
It also says in Proverbs and other places that the slothful person, his life is a hedge of thorns. When we're talking about thorns in Biblical lands, they are so powerful and strong that they even kept beasts like coyotes and wolves out of vineyards. And yet the fool, the sluggard, the slothful person walks on a hedge of thorns. Every step hurts and it says his desire kills him because he desires but he doesn't get it. He sees it all, the Word is a light to him, but because he doesn't discipline himself, he just doesn't get it. He doesn't experience it, he doesn't go on the path of life. And it's true too, for your child, he will not make it except that you be there to discipline him correctly and direct him in the way. He cannot control himself. A child cannot control himself. Without discipline, you leave him a helpless prey to his own foolishness, to his own lusts and leave him without a path toward his own maturity. And when he grows up and becomes a father and he sees what you did to him, he'll curse ya. And he'll say, "What you did?? You left me to the wolves!" "You left me to the beasts, I didn't know what I was doing, Dad!" Many have gone to their parents and said, "I didn't know what I was doing, why did you let me have my way?" The child can not control himself; he absolutely needs you just as we absolutely need God.

The Legalist
You know, the legalist can't make it. We can not control ourselves. It is impossible. We are to mortify the deeds of this body but the legalist is bound in self-righteousness, he can't make it without the Spirit of God. We've got to have God (it's not a self-made way), and our children got to have us. Now, when we come to Jesus, "Oh, Jesus, I just love you, I just want you..." we also get discipline, don't we? What person has ever gotten saved by just coming to the Lord and praising him, "Oh! Lord, you are beautiful, you are perfect in all your ways, I'm just gonna worship you," but then no other change happens? That works but at some point, and in my experience it was quickly, the first thing that He says is, "I've got an appointment with you," and to your reply question, "Where?" comes the response to your very life, "Woodshed."


My life was turned upside down as I tried to bring it into compliance with what I was being shown as the truth. Things seemed to conspire against me and the rod of correction was used even as my first few steps were taken, but isn't that just the exact same thing that happened when I learned to walk, physically? Life lessons, and prayerful experiences, "Why Lord??? Why?" And the Spirit of God was there, comforting me, drawing me to count the cost and toward further dedication to Him. From the woodshed, where I was convicted of sin, and shown to repent, from that first place we go... then also immediately came the Love of God, showing me that He was pleased. That moment was one of the very happiest in my lifetime. The idea that God could be made happy by me? Or that He could take joy over me? I still don't know how to express my reaction to that. "HE LOVES ME!!" Both the woodshed and the love, they go together.

And that's the Love of God
God's love and discipline go hand in hand. They go together. Every one of us that has been saved had to get convicted, good and proper. He would smite us and smite us and smite us until we said, "God, I repent!" That "smiting" might be to the tender conscience or for those of us with "thicker skins" it may have been even more dramatic. God works in all things for the good of them that Love Him. He works so that we can repent from our sins. And that's the love of God. You say, "And that's the love of God?" and I say, "That's the love of God." His instructions and disciplines are our way of life. With God, we get love and discipline. We can't have one without the other.


Heb 12:5 That's quite a section, and probably deserves a thread of its own, but I will speak on it to complete my thoughts about discipline before we go toward the first (and in my discussion) the last part of the topic, and that is Love.

And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:

"The Lord doesn't love me! He rebuked me!" ---- no. For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth (vs. 6). If you are under chastening, God is dealing with you as sons. "If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? (vs. 7) and then continuing in verse 8, "But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons." The earth is full of insecure men and boys that feel like they are illegitimate because their Father will not discipline them. Their Father will not say, "Oh no you don't!" Their Father did not stop them and say, "You've gone this far. No further." They were not held accountable to the standard in the Word of God. Not given the nurture they needed, not given the consistent (every time) admonishment of the standard of the ways of God.

Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?

 

[Sparkey]

Recapping Eph 6:4 To Teach, To Discipline, To Love


I've mentioned discipline in an un-passioned way, and was asked, "Does that mean 'without feeling'?" I responded that I meant 'un-passioned' in the way that it is used sometimes in some of the older commentaries, 'un-passioned' as in the baser passions of man. So that discipline isn't given in the heat of anger or out of frustration. Discipline isn't to brought about with those kinds of motivations but rather it is to be brought with Love, and yes, the passion of love, very definitely. Apart from the baser passions, and in a loving and consistent manner to teach the child and to cause him/her to respect that authority of God as entrusted to their parents.

Discipline does not only include spanking or remonstrating but it also includes admonition and teaching. It includes a very broad range of ideas including reward but we are mainly looking at it in the sense of the chastisement area. I've mentioned that sometimes life itself will bring discipline and this too is to be considered as parents because what discpiline may be applied while the child is there, in the home, protected and enveloped in love, will oftentimes be spared that child from the school of hard knocks.


Prov 13:24 In the majority of cases though these principles are not being held in the family and this is therefore a very necessary study. "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." The English word "betimes" jumps right out there, doesn't it? In the Hebrew, the word is shä·khar, to seek, seek early or earnestly, look early or diligently for... The word comes from the Hebrew word meaning to dawn, like the dawn of a day. And therefore it came to mean, to be up early for any task. A task that you're up early for is one that is on your mind, it is important to you, so you're up at the dawn...
And here it says to chasten him "betimes" or to chasten him at the dawn. Earnestly, diligently, consistently, that is very carefully, walking and considering. Discipline is not something that you do "to" the child, but rather it is something that is done "for" the child. For their benefit. Just like the sun is always there at the dawn, to give us light, so also is the parent to be there at the dawn ready to give light and show the way of life according to God, not the whim of man.


You see a child is desperately seeking security and you know, well, there's a lot to be said on that but I think that many adults are seeking the same thing. You'll find that one of the greatest problems happening and even one of the most discussed "problems" in the body of Christ is lack of security. We need that security of love, we need to know and to feel the full effect of the love of God. Well, you know that same security that comes when there is love and when it is always there when the parent is there to love and care for that child, the same security that the standards of life bring to that child, even as the child always wants to know that you are there to provide love, that the standards are there keeping him safe... so also we need to understand that Great Love that our Father in Heaven has for us.


Imagine if the child were subjected to the "whims" of gravity, where on time when he jumps off a cliff and he is just suspended there for his own protection and he can just flap his arms and return back to the edge of the cliff... one time every once in awhile.... but not always? You would have a bruised and banged up frustrated child. Or if one time he throws an apple up in the air and it just keeps going? You would have a frustrated child. Because the laws would not be consistent and so a child would likely become an addicted gambler, contriving reasons and superstitions to impose on the inconsistent actions of God. So a child, reaching out for security, he's like those little cars that have the, what do you call them? He's got a fly-wheel inside, a driving momentum that causes him to constantly bump to make sure the standards are there.


The child is always testing because he is desperately trying to find the line and he wants the boundaries to be there every time. If the line is moved the child won't stop, he's got to find that line so he bumps again and again until the line is encountered. And that point where the line is found again, is the point where your authority takes over and you command of him and he does as he is asked. It's a process that we can be frustrated by, that we can inadvertently contribute to because we are not always there, because we sometimes fail to rightly act according to the responsibility given.


One very wise parent told me one time that if that line was there ten times in a row, and on the eleventh time, when it was not... the child would try another ten times to make sure it was still there. But today I'm thinking that the nagging doubt about the line could result in a much greater effort that could even be extended beyond family to all manner of situations. And so even that one time when you let the standard drop for a moment, where you had been diligent and had said, "Absolutely not," and "Not in my house," or whatever, will produce a hunger within the child to bump and bump again to re-establish the line and gain back the security that was appearently lost, but for a moment. And there are many children that never find the line, they never find it because it's not in the same place. Some may become victim to the signs of the times right now. They become frustrated because the parents have set no goals, no walls, no boundaries. Consider a city without walls. When they become frustrated, it leads to a hurt. A hurt inside.


Now they don't go through it mentally, it is just what happens when parents let their children down... they get hurt and out of the hurt can come bitterness. And this can lead to resentment and blame. Children are also very aware of their size in relation to the size of their parents and oftentimes the blame is misplaced onto themselves. They blame themselves in large part where by rights the blame should only be theirs in smallest part. As they grow they may begin to blame their parents and the problem with that kind of thing is that they are only allowed to control themselves and a paradox begins to take shape where the child is left with a "what can I do about it?" feeling. It's ironic to think that oftentimes the reason that kids do not love their parents the way that they ought is because the parents do not discipline them the way they should.