God’s people can be the greatest source of joy in a pastor’s heart. John said of his spiritual children, “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth” (3 John 4). Paul called the Philippian church “my joy and crown” (Phil. 4:1). Yet one of the greatest causes of sorrow and pain in our hearts are the conflicts between God’s people. That sorrow grows when the attempts at conflict resolution fail miserably. Even in the great church in Philippi, Paul alludes to the presence of conflict among them when he writes, “make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose” (Phil. 2:2).
Paul acknowledges the presence of at least three types of conflicts in the church.
First, there were interpersonal conflicts. Paul urged two prominent sisters, Euodia and Syntyche, “to live in harmony in the Lord” (Phil. 4:2). Then there was selfish ambition, petty rivalry, and empty conceit (Phil. 2:1-4). There was also grumbling and disputes among the brethren (Phil. 2:14).
Second, there were ministry conflicts. His imprisonment allowed certain brethren to take advantage of Paul’s absence. They used their preaching gifts for their selfish ambitions, even causing strife among them (Phil. 1:15-17). The spirit of Diotrophes was present, the spirit of wanting preeminence (2 John 9-10). This self-seeking spirit in ministry was not unique. Paul had difficulty finding like-minded ministers of the Word (Phil. 2:19-21).
Third, there were doctrinal conflicts in the church. Wolves in sheep’s clothing would always attack the church (Matt. 7:15; Acts 20:28-30). These “dogs,” as Paul calls them, brought great sorrow that drove him to tears (3:2, 17-19).
As great as the Philippian church was, it also had its conflicts. How should we handle such conflicts?
Neither the church nor its shepherds always know how to handle or resolve such conflicts when they arise. The mishandling of conflicts or not providing proper Biblical conflict resolution can worsen the problem. It may draw others into the conflict. We may mishandle conflicts by choosing to ignore them, denying they exist, or minimizing the severity of the conflict.
This was the problem with the Corinthian church. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians attempted to resolve conflicts they either ignored, justified, or mishandled. The church can also mishandle conflicts by overreacting, making the resolution worse than the problem. The tendency is to “turn a mountain out of a molehill.” Even pastors can overreact by taking the conflicts too personally, especially criticisms of ministry, subtle rivalries, and petty jealousies. Self-glory and jealousy blind us. Moreover, the church and its leadership can affirm wrong attempts at conflict resolution. These attempts originate in the flesh and not the Spirit, such as those in Ephesians 4:31 and I Peter 2:1.
In anticipation of the church experiencing conflicts, the Lord Jesus Christ gives us a clear path to conflict resolution in Matthew 18:15-35. Here our Lord lays down the steps His church should follow to resolve whatever conflicts it experiences, from interpersonal disputes to heretical teachings. Here are the five steps:
(Editor’s Note: The following steps are for non-criminal offenses and disputes. Criminal offenses and cases of abuse in the church environment should involve law enforcement).
Implied in the whole conflict resolution process is to consider the source and severity of the offense. Our Lord taught us in the Sermon on the Mount that we should be sensitive to the fact that we may be the source and cause of the offense. Our Lord said, “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go, first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering” (Matt. 5:23-24). We may be the cause of anger, bitterness, and lack of harmony in the Body of Christ. This calls for honesty, humility, and courage to correct. A certain spiritual blindness and hardness of heart permeate too many of our churches, where believers have convinced themselves that they are not the problem.
We must also stop to consider the severity of the offense. Is the offense worthy of a confrontation? Scripture makes it abundantly clear that not all conflicts carry the same degree of severity or harm. Paul’s response to the petty jealousy and selfish ambition while he was in prison was to look at the positive outcome and thus rejoice (1:18). He stressed a gentle spirit and trusted in the Lord (Phil. 4:4-5). Proverbs 19:11 states, “A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression.” Love for others should always be our first response to interpersonal conflict. After all, “Love is patient, love is kind … does not take into account a wrong suffered” (I Cor. 13:4-5). Peter argues for a fervent love when he states, “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins” (I Pet. 4:8). Consider Paul’s response to all who refused to stand by him at his trial. He writes, “At my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me; may it not be counted against them” (2 Tim. 4:16). That is a forbearing spirit that ends interpersonal conflicts. In the conflict between the two women, a certain preacher gave them new names. Euodia means “fragrance,” someone likable, and Syntyche means “easy to get along with.” He renamed them “Odious” and “Soon Touchee,” the exact opposite of what their names mean. Perhaps if they had been less insecure, less sensitive, and less vindictive, the world would never have known about their problem.
The next step is to confront the brother or sister if he or she has indeed sinned. Our Lord says, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother” (Matt. 18:15). The implication is that the believer is aware of the other believer’s fault and thus is the one responsible for confronting the erring believer. The major problem is that gossiping about a person is much easier than confronting them. People often display such hypocritical cowardliness at the “prayer meeting,” where the offending party becomes the “gossip” before the Lord. Our Lord said personal disputes should be between the two parties in private. Some even think they have the right to bring their disputes to the pastor or church elders. This action also violates the Lord’s instruction. Failure to confront the offending party endangers the sinning believer and the church (cp. Jas. 5:20). It also condemns oneself (Jas. 4:17). This is what Nathan did to David (cp. I Sam. 11-12). Many of our conflicts would end quickly in a healthy manner if we followed this first step.
If the response to the first step of personal confrontation is confessing sin and repentance, then we have won the brother. However, if the sinning believer denies guilt, we must move to the next step. Our Lord states: “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two or more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed” (Matt. 18:16). There must be confirmation of the validity of the charge against the sinning believer. God’s Word instructs that we cannot condemn the accused on the testimony of one person. There must be at least two or three other witnesses to the deed (Deut. 19:15). Paul instructs Timothy to reject any accusation against an elder, except when based on the testimony of two or three witnesses (I Tim. 5:19). Churches would spare their pastors much grief if they followed this rule. Others can affirm any obvious, overt sin denied by the accused. This is not slander or gossip but part of Biblical conflict resolution. The believer has been won if the sinning believer confesses and repents after this step.
In the event the sinning believer refuses to repent on the basis of two or three witnesses who have confirmed the guilt, then the Lord gives the next step: “If he refuses to listen to them tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matt. 18:17). The third step in the process of conflict resolution in the church is to instruct the church to assist in bringing the sinning believer to confession and repentance. This process is not to condemn but to restore the believer to Christ and the brethren. The church has the right to exhort the members to godly living (Rom. 12:9-21; Phil. 2:12-16; 3:5-16; 4:1; I Thess. 5:14-15; 2 Thess. 3:11-13; Heb. 12:12-14). The church members are also duly qualified to counsel and encourage right living (I Thess. 5:11; Gal. 6:1-2; Jas. 5:20; Jude 22-23). In short, conflict resolution becomes a “family affair,” driven by a love for God’s holiness, His church, and one another.
The final step in the Lord’s instruction on conflict resolution is called “church discipline” or “excommunication.” The expression, “let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector,” marks the person as being in the same camp as an unbeliever and thus is denied the privileges of God’s people. The Lord instructs in the case where the sinning believer is unwilling to own up to sin and remains unrepentant that such a person should be identified as such (Matt. 18:17; Rom. 16:17), and they should be removed from the fellowship of believers (I Cor. 5:3-13; 2 Thess. 3:14-15; I Tim. 1:20; 5:20). The church thus removes perpetual conflict from the fellowship of believers. The church is not to live under the tyranny of troublemakers but in the bonds of peace and love (Col. 3:14-15).
The final step in Biblical conflict resolution is the total forgiveness and acceptance of the repentant believer (at whatever stage the sinning believer repents). Some conflicts are never resolved because the complainants never extend true forgiveness (cp. 2 Cor. 2:5-11). Forgiveness should immediately follow The Lord’s prescription for conflict resolution. Peter asks, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” (Matt. 18:21). The Lord’s response was, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt. 18:22). Then our Lord adds a parable on forgiveness that ends with this warning, “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you if each of you does not forgive his brother from the heart” (18:35). Paul exhorts us: “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32).
Paul is an example of one who resolved an interpersonal and ministerial conflict. Paul had a conflict with Barnabas over taking along John Mark on their second missionary journey, for Mark had abandoned them on the first trip. So great was the disagreement that they parted company, Barnabas taking Mark and Paul taking along Silas, being commissioned by the church at Antioch (Acts 15:36-40). Yet somehow, Paul resolved their conflict. While in prison in Rome, Paul writes in his second letter to Timothy, “Pick up Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for service (2 Tim. 4:11). Imagine the joy for Paul and Mark. Biblical conflict resolution results in joy for the people of God and the pastor. Let’s implement Christ’s instructions.
6 Conflict Resolution Principles for Pastors
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The post Five Steps to Resolving Conflicts in the Church Biblically appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
Three Types of Conflict in the Church
Paul acknowledges the presence of at least three types of conflicts in the church.
First, there were interpersonal conflicts. Paul urged two prominent sisters, Euodia and Syntyche, “to live in harmony in the Lord” (Phil. 4:2). Then there was selfish ambition, petty rivalry, and empty conceit (Phil. 2:1-4). There was also grumbling and disputes among the brethren (Phil. 2:14).
Second, there were ministry conflicts. His imprisonment allowed certain brethren to take advantage of Paul’s absence. They used their preaching gifts for their selfish ambitions, even causing strife among them (Phil. 1:15-17). The spirit of Diotrophes was present, the spirit of wanting preeminence (2 John 9-10). This self-seeking spirit in ministry was not unique. Paul had difficulty finding like-minded ministers of the Word (Phil. 2:19-21).
Third, there were doctrinal conflicts in the church. Wolves in sheep’s clothing would always attack the church (Matt. 7:15; Acts 20:28-30). These “dogs,” as Paul calls them, brought great sorrow that drove him to tears (3:2, 17-19).
As great as the Philippian church was, it also had its conflicts. How should we handle such conflicts?
Neither the church nor its shepherds always know how to handle or resolve such conflicts when they arise. The mishandling of conflicts or not providing proper Biblical conflict resolution can worsen the problem. It may draw others into the conflict. We may mishandle conflicts by choosing to ignore them, denying they exist, or minimizing the severity of the conflict.
This was the problem with the Corinthian church. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians attempted to resolve conflicts they either ignored, justified, or mishandled. The church can also mishandle conflicts by overreacting, making the resolution worse than the problem. The tendency is to “turn a mountain out of a molehill.” Even pastors can overreact by taking the conflicts too personally, especially criticisms of ministry, subtle rivalries, and petty jealousies. Self-glory and jealousy blind us. Moreover, the church and its leadership can affirm wrong attempts at conflict resolution. These attempts originate in the flesh and not the Spirit, such as those in Ephesians 4:31 and I Peter 2:1.
Biblical Path to Conflict Resolution
In anticipation of the church experiencing conflicts, the Lord Jesus Christ gives us a clear path to conflict resolution in Matthew 18:15-35. Here our Lord lays down the steps His church should follow to resolve whatever conflicts it experiences, from interpersonal disputes to heretical teachings. Here are the five steps:
(Editor’s Note: The following steps are for non-criminal offenses and disputes. Criminal offenses and cases of abuse in the church environment should involve law enforcement).
1. Consideration
Implied in the whole conflict resolution process is to consider the source and severity of the offense. Our Lord taught us in the Sermon on the Mount that we should be sensitive to the fact that we may be the source and cause of the offense. Our Lord said, “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go, first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering” (Matt. 5:23-24). We may be the cause of anger, bitterness, and lack of harmony in the Body of Christ. This calls for honesty, humility, and courage to correct. A certain spiritual blindness and hardness of heart permeate too many of our churches, where believers have convinced themselves that they are not the problem.
We must also stop to consider the severity of the offense. Is the offense worthy of a confrontation? Scripture makes it abundantly clear that not all conflicts carry the same degree of severity or harm. Paul’s response to the petty jealousy and selfish ambition while he was in prison was to look at the positive outcome and thus rejoice (1:18). He stressed a gentle spirit and trusted in the Lord (Phil. 4:4-5). Proverbs 19:11 states, “A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression.” Love for others should always be our first response to interpersonal conflict. After all, “Love is patient, love is kind … does not take into account a wrong suffered” (I Cor. 13:4-5). Peter argues for a fervent love when he states, “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins” (I Pet. 4:8). Consider Paul’s response to all who refused to stand by him at his trial. He writes, “At my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me; may it not be counted against them” (2 Tim. 4:16). That is a forbearing spirit that ends interpersonal conflicts. In the conflict between the two women, a certain preacher gave them new names. Euodia means “fragrance,” someone likable, and Syntyche means “easy to get along with.” He renamed them “Odious” and “Soon Touchee,” the exact opposite of what their names mean. Perhaps if they had been less insecure, less sensitive, and less vindictive, the world would never have known about their problem.
2. Confrontation
The next step is to confront the brother or sister if he or she has indeed sinned. Our Lord says, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother” (Matt. 18:15). The implication is that the believer is aware of the other believer’s fault and thus is the one responsible for confronting the erring believer. The major problem is that gossiping about a person is much easier than confronting them. People often display such hypocritical cowardliness at the “prayer meeting,” where the offending party becomes the “gossip” before the Lord. Our Lord said personal disputes should be between the two parties in private. Some even think they have the right to bring their disputes to the pastor or church elders. This action also violates the Lord’s instruction. Failure to confront the offending party endangers the sinning believer and the church (cp. Jas. 5:20). It also condemns oneself (Jas. 4:17). This is what Nathan did to David (cp. I Sam. 11-12). Many of our conflicts would end quickly in a healthy manner if we followed this first step.
3. Confirmation
If the response to the first step of personal confrontation is confessing sin and repentance, then we have won the brother. However, if the sinning believer denies guilt, we must move to the next step. Our Lord states: “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two or more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed” (Matt. 18:16). There must be confirmation of the validity of the charge against the sinning believer. God’s Word instructs that we cannot condemn the accused on the testimony of one person. There must be at least two or three other witnesses to the deed (Deut. 19:15). Paul instructs Timothy to reject any accusation against an elder, except when based on the testimony of two or three witnesses (I Tim. 5:19). Churches would spare their pastors much grief if they followed this rule. Others can affirm any obvious, overt sin denied by the accused. This is not slander or gossip but part of Biblical conflict resolution. The believer has been won if the sinning believer confesses and repents after this step.
4. Correction
In the event the sinning believer refuses to repent on the basis of two or three witnesses who have confirmed the guilt, then the Lord gives the next step: “If he refuses to listen to them tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matt. 18:17). The third step in the process of conflict resolution in the church is to instruct the church to assist in bringing the sinning believer to confession and repentance. This process is not to condemn but to restore the believer to Christ and the brethren. The church has the right to exhort the members to godly living (Rom. 12:9-21; Phil. 2:12-16; 3:5-16; 4:1; I Thess. 5:14-15; 2 Thess. 3:11-13; Heb. 12:12-14). The church members are also duly qualified to counsel and encourage right living (I Thess. 5:11; Gal. 6:1-2; Jas. 5:20; Jude 22-23). In short, conflict resolution becomes a “family affair,” driven by a love for God’s holiness, His church, and one another.
The final step in the Lord’s instruction on conflict resolution is called “church discipline” or “excommunication.” The expression, “let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector,” marks the person as being in the same camp as an unbeliever and thus is denied the privileges of God’s people. The Lord instructs in the case where the sinning believer is unwilling to own up to sin and remains unrepentant that such a person should be identified as such (Matt. 18:17; Rom. 16:17), and they should be removed from the fellowship of believers (I Cor. 5:3-13; 2 Thess. 3:14-15; I Tim. 1:20; 5:20). The church thus removes perpetual conflict from the fellowship of believers. The church is not to live under the tyranny of troublemakers but in the bonds of peace and love (Col. 3:14-15).
5. Commendation
The final step in Biblical conflict resolution is the total forgiveness and acceptance of the repentant believer (at whatever stage the sinning believer repents). Some conflicts are never resolved because the complainants never extend true forgiveness (cp. 2 Cor. 2:5-11). Forgiveness should immediately follow The Lord’s prescription for conflict resolution. Peter asks, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” (Matt. 18:21). The Lord’s response was, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt. 18:22). Then our Lord adds a parable on forgiveness that ends with this warning, “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you if each of you does not forgive his brother from the heart” (18:35). Paul exhorts us: “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32).
Paul is an example of one who resolved an interpersonal and ministerial conflict. Paul had a conflict with Barnabas over taking along John Mark on their second missionary journey, for Mark had abandoned them on the first trip. So great was the disagreement that they parted company, Barnabas taking Mark and Paul taking along Silas, being commissioned by the church at Antioch (Acts 15:36-40). Yet somehow, Paul resolved their conflict. While in prison in Rome, Paul writes in his second letter to Timothy, “Pick up Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for service (2 Tim. 4:11). Imagine the joy for Paul and Mark. Biblical conflict resolution results in joy for the people of God and the pastor. Let’s implement Christ’s instructions.
Related:
6 Conflict Resolution Principles for Pastors
Not Letting Criticism of Your Sermon Affect You and Your Family Life
6 Joys of Pastoring
The post Five Steps to Resolving Conflicts in the Church Biblically appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...