Friendships

[Grazer]

This has been a topic of conversation before but I'd like to share something that happened last night.

I was wrapping presents for a friend of mine and my fiance commented that this friend was lucky to have me. This friend is a woman, not a Christian and we've been friends for a while, before I met my fiance. Something was worrying my fiance and after some prodding, she said that her dad was friends with a woman and ended up having an affair with her and divorcing her mum and she was afraid it might happen with us.

My fiance knows my friend, she's quite friendly with her too and she knows we've been through a fair bit together. When we went to dinner the 3 of us, afterwards my fiance commented that she could see a lot of affection and care for me in my friend. Last night I laid out a lot of stuff, some she already knew;

- Yes, I was romantically attracted to my friend and did want more than friendship
- Yes, probably the only reason we are not together is that differences in religion are too great to get over for her
- Yes, my friend and I have been through a lot and I care deeply for her
- Yes, if we were out and my friend called for help, I would drop everything and run no matter where we were (I'd do that for any of my friends)

But I also reminded my fiance that the difference between my friend and her is that I didn't put a ring on my friends finger. I love my fiance very much and am absolutely convinced she is a gift from God. I would never cheat on her, ever. My fiance did ask if my friend ever did admit to having strong feelings for me and could get over the religion what would I do? My response was to tell her she missed her chance. But that's never likely to happen. My friend has shown on countless occasions to have a very strong sense of a moral code and sticks to it. Even if she did have feelings for me in that way, she would never admit it whilst I was with my fiance. When we went to Cardiff, the B & B owner, who was a Christian, commented that he thought our friendship was one of integrity.

All this helped ease her fears and it was good to share a lot of it with her.

I'm meeting my friend Saturday for dinner and will probably spend all day with her. I'm meeting another friend tomorrow who's also not a Christian and a lesbian and this doesn't bother my fiance either.

The point I'm trying to make is having friends with the opposite sex is only really a problem if you don't be open and distrust develops. By being open it allowed my fiance to ask questions and put her mind at rest. I'm grateful to my fiance for admitting she had fears and not once saying she wanted me to stop seeing my friend, she was encouraging the exact opposite

Its all about the trust. Trust your fiance/spouse, trust your friends, trust yourself, trust God

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[Grazer]

Just got back from dinner with my mate. Had a wonderful day discussing all sorts. But during one conversation she very graciously called me one of the most important people in her life.

I know many object to having friends with atheists but friendships can be used to make a difference. You don't necessarily have to evangelize or preach the gospel to do that, sometimes just being there does that.

I'm incredibly grateful for my friend and just happy that I've been able to make even a small difference to her.

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[Aardverk]

Thanks for sharing that Grazer. I understand well but it is nevertheless good to be reminded from time to time how important some friends are.

There have been three women friends in my life who have been and are dear to me. I would have happily married any of them but for this, that or the other. Now I am married, they are still dear to me, they are still attractive to me but I know, and my wife knows, that I would never dream of breaking my wedding vows.

God bless you.

 

[Grazer]

Thanks for sharing that Grazer. I understand well but it is nevertheless good to be reminded from time to time how important some friends are.

There have been three women friends in my life who have been and are dear to me. I would have happily married any of them but for this, that or the other. Now I am married, they are still dear to me, they are still attractive to me but I know, and my wife knows, that I would never dream of breaking my wedding vows.

God bless you.

You're welcome I'm glad you found it helpful

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[Aardverk]

...........d must hold her first, and as an only in your heart if she is to be your Wife.

I know this is only my personal experience but I find that everyone I have ever loved in my lifetime - I still love. It doesn't stop just because I am no longer in a relationship with them nor if they have died.

 

[Mike S]

I'm glad you have good friends and an understanding fiance. But, do not underestimate the power of romantic affections between you and your friend, and be aware that there will be difficult times between you and your fiance when you will be vulnerable. You're setting up a minefield for yourself.

 

[Grazer]

I'm glad you have good friends and an understanding fiance. But, do not underestimate the power of romantic affections between you and your friend, and be aware that there will be difficult times between you and your fiance when you will be vulnerable. You're setting up a minefield for yourself.

There isn't any romantic feelings between me and my friend, we just care about each other a lot. Nothing will happen between us, she's too good a friend to let it.

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[Aardverk]

But wouldn't that kind of love be a different love than one has for ones Wife? Philia, as opposed to Eros? I'm just saying be careful is all.

I love my wife in all sorts of ways for all sorts of reasons but I certainly feel erotic attraction to the previous female loves of my life - and others as well. I can see no reason why that would change. One can't 'be careful' about that, it is just a fact of life. We have animal urges but we can choose whether to act upon them or not. I choose not.

 

[Grazer]

Some seem to be suggesting that its only a matter of time before my friend and I end up in bed together

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[Grazer]

Not necessarily, but sometimes lines can easily be crossed without conscious intent, and that should be guarded against for sure. My thoughts are that ones relationship and love for ones Wife should be clearly esteemed higher than for any other person. You clearly love your fiance but perhaps were a little vague about which relationship is esteemed higher. Sometimes it may be easy to deceive oneself into believing that one can handle a certain situation when in fact they may not be able to. I have done this to myself before early in my marriage and learned that just because a girl says she is ok with something, doesn't mean that she isn't worried about it. You wouldn't have to fall into bed with your friend to damage your relationship with your fiance.

I wouldn't sleep with my friend as I would end up losing 2 relationships; hers and my fiances. I esteem my fiances more but I can't overstate how much my friend means to me.

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