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Funny marriage jokes...

Debp*

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From
California
Gender
Female
Messages
53
Joined
May 31, 2020
Bill’s second Anniversary was coming up and if there was one thing that got his wife Suzy upset, it was not getting a thoughtful gift on a special occasion. Bill quizzed all his friends, co workers, clients and anyone he happened to bump into, as to what would be a good anniversary present. He finally settled on a huge bouquet of flowers. Not willing to trust himself to pick out the right flowers, Bill called up a local flower shop with strict instructions to deliver the biggest most beautiful bouquet of flowers first thing in the morning with the following note “Happy Anniversary Year Number Two!” The morning of the Anniversary Bill made sure Suzy would be the one to answer the door as he waited anxiously in the other room. “WHAT THE HECK IS THIS ALL ABOUT?!” Hollered Suzie angrily holding up his well thought out note, “Happy Anniversary You’re Number Two!”
 

Debp*

Member
From
California
Gender
Female
Messages
53
Joined
May 31, 2020
A man goes to the doctor, concerned about his wife's hearing. The doctor says, "Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you." The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Nothing. He gets halfway to her and repeats the same question. Nothing. Very concerned, he gets right behind her and asks again "What's for dinner?" She turns around and says "For the THIRD time, beef stew!"



The graveside service had just ended when there was a frightening clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning accompanied by even louder thunder. The little old man looked at the pastor and said calmly, “Well, she’s there.”
 

Debp*

Member
From
California
Gender
Female
Messages
53
Joined
May 31, 2020
Wife: "Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?" Husband: "How can I? I don't even know her."



Q: Whats the difference between love and marriage? A: Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener!



A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor... A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. “I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.” “Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant. “No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”
 

Debp*

Member
From
California
Gender
Female
Messages
53
Joined
May 31, 2020
I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”


My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.


After i-messaging back and forth with my wife, I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this message: “You need to get back to work now; you have a husband to support.” Here’s what Siri sent: “You need to get back to work now; you have a has-been to support.”
 

Edward

Member
From
USA
Gender
Male
Christian
Yes
Messages
13,103
Joined
Sep 18, 2012
A man and his wife are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and the husband nudges his wife and says honey can we go upstairs? She says no so the husband asks again. The wife says no. So the husband says is that your final answer? The wife says yes. So the husband says, well, can I phone a friend?
 

Debp*

Member
From
California
Gender
Female
Messages
53
Joined
May 31, 2020
Each evening a bird lover, Tom, stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl. One night an owl
called back to him.

For a year Tom and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the
"conversation."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication, his
wife had a chat with her neighbor.

"My husband spends his nights calling out to owls," she said.

"That's odd," the neighbor replied, "so does mine."
 

Edward

Member
From
USA
Gender
Male
Christian
Yes
Messages
13,103
Joined
Sep 18, 2012
A little boy asked his father how much does it cost to get Married, Daddy? He said, I don't know son, I'm still paying for it...
 

Edward

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From
USA
Gender
Male
Christian
Yes
Messages
13,103
Joined
Sep 18, 2012
When God took a rib from Adam to make Eve with, He did get the right rib...

Too bad for women that the driving gene is in the left rib.
 

andy pandy

Member
From
Drouin
Gender
Male
Messages
136
Joined
May 16, 2021
A little boy saw a bear in an op shop with a crossed eye.

" Can I have that little bear Mum?"

So she bought it for him and he very happily took it home.

A few days later she asked him if he had got a name for it.

" No not yet. I am still thinking about it."

On Sunday he took it to church with him.

When they got home after the service the little boy said " I have a name for my teddy. We sang about it today in church."

" Did we" replied mum. She was intrigued by what the name was going to be.

" Yes" he said. " I am going to call it gladly, because we sang gladly the cross eyed bear."
 

Edward

Member
From
USA
Gender
Male
Christian
Yes
Messages
13,103
Joined
Sep 18, 2012
After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious.
“You’re running around with another woman— admit it!” she demanded.
“What other woman?” Adam shot back. “You’re it!”
That night, Adam was fast asleep when he was awakened by Eve poking him in the chest.
“What are you doing?”
“Counting your ribs.”
 
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