[__ Prayer __] Getting it..dealing with it…

[Christ_empowered]

I grew up and spent most of my life in this general area. I’ve been living in a small city near my small hometown. My parents live near me and they are my support system. I have a diagnosis somewhere on the schizophrenia spectrum…schizoaffective disorder maybe just schizophrenia with a lot of depression. And so…

I’m dealing with rumors about things from way back. I never really was a heavy drinker or into street drugs. I’ve always had anxiety and agitation. My first psychiatrist prescribed Klonopin for me when I was still a teenager. It worked wonders at first but I quickly ended up with more anxiety and more severe depression. The taper was brutal and apparently done too quickly.

My family doctor prescribed lots of adderall and various antidepressants. I think the idea was to lift my mood and improve concentration. I was referred to a counselor who has since been reprimanded more than once. I suspect that he is the source of some of the rumors…

That I was a meth addict a coke head did Iv drugs slow learner etc. it’s a little bit crazy making to be 41 years old now and have to deal with people I don’t know openly taunting me with junk that isn’t even true. It’s not that I was too good for street drugs I just didn’t do them. I don’t actually know my iq estimate now but I managed to graduate high school at 16 with surprisingly high sat scores. And…

I dunno at 17 I was driven out of the dorms. Parents paid for an apartment near the school. I was considered a poseur which happens but what’s creepy and unnerving about this situation is that lots are vocal people here locally say things at me…sometimes they’ll even yell…

And I don’t really know that many people here now, aside from my parents.

People woke me up at 4 again and keep taunting etc. believe me it’s not my illness at all.

I do get disability which has been a huge blessing for my parents and me. Some man upstairs yells about me living off his tax dollars? I get a reduced amount of disability because my parents help a lot. I’m thankful especially since I get medical coverage. And…

I do have a conviction on my record. It’s a class a misdemeanor that started as a felony charge. I was given suspended sentence and probation. Basically I was sentenced to the maximum sentence but put on probation. That way if I’d done something wrong I’d potentially have to do the maximum sentence in jail. Deterrent value I suppose. And…

I ended up being released from probation 2 years early. After that a charge that had been dismissed was expunged. That was over 8 years ago.

So…

God is Love. God is merciful. People?!? Oh man

My parents own my modest pleasant place. They were able to buy it outright no mortgage almost 7 years ago. It even came furnished! And…

I’m happy here. I cook I keep a clean place I have house plants and I’ve even been leaving out food and water for random neighborhood cats . It’s a modest pleasant neighborhood but there seems to be a lot of free range rudeness?

So…rambling…

I can’t do anything about rumors or petty acts of cruelty etc but my real concern is that people seem to think that they can control me. That’s kinda my problem. I don’t drink no drugs or fun pills in over 15 years but I’m being insulted and awakened at night and during my occasional naps and…?

Thanks

 

[EstevanL11]

hey there! i hope youre having a free and peaceful moment right now to read this or whenever but I was somehow led here to help someone out, i just had the courage and love for all, i just wanna say that you are not alone. you may hear that alot now a days but i promise you are not an outcast, not a horrible being, and not called by your sin nor wrongdoings, i bet you have such a loving heart and ill always be here to help you out! talk to me whenever youd like and I can truly help. i used to have really bad anxiety, it calmed down but it came back after i got into my relationship with christ, i dont want to ramble about my life, but i want to give you an understanding of how you are not the only one dealing with mental health. yeah it sucks, but it can empower us and bring us closer to god, thats how i got here. Pray it all to jesus tonight, anything and i mean anything. thats on your mind. I have a heart full of everything thats what to talk to jesus, but i struggle with distactions, doubts, etc. ill pray over you tonight and i hope the best for you and your journey in christ, im here, and most importantly, the father jesus christ.