Girlfriend's dad gets involved?!?!

[chrisbow22]

So I felt like God was leading me to take a month off from the relationship I have with my girlfriend of 2 years. I needed to figure some things out, and I was honest with her about that. She agreed and all was good. So three days later I get an email from her dad strongly encouraging me to NOT take a month but rather two weeks, if that. I was so mad when I read this! What right does he have to butt in and tell me that I'm wrong? Am I wrong? How should I respond to this situation? Plenty of couples do this! I'm trying to be prayerful and not blow this out of proportion but it's tough. Any advice?

 

[theLords]

So I felt like God was leading me to take a month off from the relationship I have with my girlfriend of 2 years. I needed to figure some things out, and I was honest with her about that. She agreed and all was good. So three days later I get an email from her dad strongly encouraging me to NOT take a month but rather two weeks, if that. I was so mad when I read this! What right does he have to butt in and tell me that I'm wrong? Am I wrong? How should I respond to this situation? Plenty of couples do this! I'm trying to be prayerful and not blow this out of proportion but it's tough. Any advice?

Treat him with respect, but don't cater to his whims. If you need a month off, then you need a month off. Broken people getting together creates broken relationships. If you need time to get yourself together and she loves you, then you have every right to take 4 months if you need it.

God first and family second...girlfriend third!

 

[Jim.Myers]

So not knowing how old you both are, did you go to Him and ask his permission to date his daughter or court her? He has spiritual headship over her so he has some right to be involved as long as she is still living in his home no matter how old she is. Typically taking time off signals a change of mind or second thoughts, have you talked with him about your concerns? If you don't submit to his authority that would be a huge red flag to me as a father. You need to meet with Him and have a man to man. Also have you talked to your pastor or the elders of your church about why you are taking a break?

 

[pHghost]

I think the most important question for you right now is: why do you want to take a month-long break? Why do you feel God is leading you to take this break?Is there a specific reason, something concrete you need to sort out?

This is an important question you need to answer for yourself. Once you have that answer, talk to your spiritual leader about it, and what the best approach would be. Then, as Jim recommended, go and talk to the father. It might be that if you explain the situation with honesty, he will understand and support you, however long you need, if he sees it is for the betterment of the relationship. He loves his daughter and he wants to protect her. If you suddenly pull out like you did, of course he goes into defense overdrive.

Be honest with yourself and with him as well.

 

[JohnEboy1983]

So three days later I get an email from her dad strongly encouraging me to NOT take a month but rather two weeks, if that.

Quite the opposite from what I was expecting. I was expecting him to say instead of taking a month off, how about you never come back. Anyways it sounds like this guy likes you and instead of getting furious I would take it as a compliment that he would like you back sooner, and like other have said to treat him with respect, however stick to your decision and not lean into his request or pressuring if you do not feel comfortable.

I used to have a girlfriend and her dad did not like me. He always brought up everything negative in me and nothing positive. He even told her one night when she fixxed up her hair to take that hairdo and go find another man. He said I didnt respect him but that is completely false because from the moment I failed at getting into the police department he was upset with me probably figuring that me being a truck driver was not a respectable carreer. I did however have a hard time respecting him from how he was treating me, but before he was so critical of me I did have respect.

 

[Pizzaguy]

Quite the opposite from what I was expecting. I was expecting him to say instead of taking a month off, how about you never come back. Anyways it sounds like this guy likes you and instead of getting furious I would take it as a compliment that he would like you back sooner, and like other have said to treat him with respect...

Agreed, sounds like this guy likes you!

As protective and fussy about their daughters as most fathers are, sounds like you have won this guy over - good show!

Don't get angry, take comfort in the fact that her father already seems to think you two belong together.

 

[woodlandapple]

A girl is under her families authority until she gets married, the head of the family is her father.

very simplistic and can sometimes conflict with some of the demands of the independent culture western society has.

From a biblical perspective, you should welcome your Girlfriends fathers input into your relationship and you could benefit from the insights provided by someone who knows your Gf better than you do, and has her best interest at heart (presumably)

Dont take it as an offence, take it on board, consider it but at the end of the day make up your own mind.

 

[Former Christian]

Chrisbow22

As a young man, I had two relationships like that. In that the father decided to take an active interest in the relationship. With disastrous affects.

The first situation destroyed the relationship completely. She broke it off with me because I decided to ignore what he was doing and just center in on her. Because I didn't stand up to him. Apparently he had been doing this kind of thing for some time. After she left me, she rebelled against him completely and married someone she knew he didn't like. That marriage ended in divorce, which was only natural I guess, and her with two kids to feed, on her own because he disowned her. The last I heard of her, she had remarried a well to do and they were doing well without him. The worst part is that so far as I know father and daughter aren't on speaking terms to the present day. That is indeed a loss for both in my opinion because neither are really bad people to warrant such a relationship between themselves.

The second situation was a situation where we both were older and wiser and the father was trying to force the relationship along faster than she or I desired. We were heading in the right direction and probably would have married eventually. But the effect of his constant pushing affected her and she began to push with him. I told her that four months into the relationship was too soon to get married, and she disagreed. The next thing I knew she was in a relationship with another man and I was the last to know. They married in two months time and it also ended in divorce and a child. At least in this case she had some support from her parents so that she didn't have to raise the child alone. But the last I heard of this girl was that she had become embittered against men and hadn't remarried. I can only hope she outgrew that attitude because all in all she would make someone a fine wife.

What I learned from these two situations was caution in relation to the girl's father. After those two experiences the first thing I looked for was the father's interference. Doesn't take long to see where he's at, if he's in the picture at all. And I began to look at the relationships, married and unmarried, of my friends and the effect it had on their relationships. The bible says that the man and woman are to leave their parents and cleave to one another. I learned that if the father or mother is of the interfering kind before marriage, and I don't mean friendly advice when desired, they will be so after one is married. That's the red flag I learned about.

When I finally married, it was to someone whose parents didn't interfere. But my in laws and I were the best of friends before they eventually passed on. And my wife and my parents the same. We were fortunate to both to have learned some wisdom by our experiences prior to meeting one another. We were both in our thirties when we married and have been quite happy ever sense in our selves and as a family.

FC

 

[thethinkingrebel]

So I felt like God was leading me to take a month off from the relationship I have with my girlfriend of 2 years. I needed to figure some things out, and I was honest with her about that. She agreed and all was good. So three days later I get an email from her dad strongly encouraging me to NOT take a month but rather two weeks, if that. I was so mad when I read this! What right does he have to butt in and tell me that I'm wrong? Am I wrong? How should I respond to this situation? Plenty of couples do this! I'm trying to be prayerful and not blow this out of proportion but it's tough. Any advice?

Are you sure it was God?

Why are you not married to her? Two years?

Seriously...you need to get a grip. You are not just going out with her, you are connecting yourself to her family, he has every right to get involved, she was probably crying her eyes out because her selfish boyfriend fancies a break. How dare you say God led you to this! Where would God ever call a man to abandon a woman? If anything he would be angry that you lacked any sense of committment and broken a girls heart.

Sorry to be blunt, but as a Christian you have a responsibility to represent God on this Earth.

Sure, things sometimes dont work out, but this idea of a 'break', undercuts the entire principle of a relationship. You are together for life! If you are young (under 16) then okay you are learning but if you are over that age..I would pray big time. Remember that this is you not God, He is your conscience..there is NO precedent for you to be told to take a break, its hedonistic, its sinful! It makes light of the principle of marriage and betrothal.

 

[JFrench720]

I strongly disagree with "thethinkingrebel" in terms of your tone. Our brother here is in a state where he is upset and confused, nobody is perfect we are all doing the best we can. That being said, I do agree with the fact that he has some questions he needs to be answering right now, for example: How old are you and your girlfriend? How do you know God is leading you to take a break? Is there anyone mentoring you and your girlfriend in this courtship? Have you talked to your elders or your pastor?