God help me, what do I do (marriage/family)?

[drilling]

I'm 34, I've been married 7 years this September 28th. Wife is 36. We have a 5 year old girl, 3 year old girl and a 3 month old girl.

Wife and I both work full time. 14 months ago I lost my job and the wife freaked out due to finances and the bind it put us in. 2 months of her almost having panic attacks due to the stress of finances I accepted a job out of state in the oilfield.

Praise god for giving me such a good paying job, and it really woke us up to get out of debt. We started 12 months ago with $143,000 in credit card debt- mostly due to me making bad decisions early in our marriage and us living beyond our means.

Fast forward to today. We have paid our unsecured debt down to $65,000. It will take another 10 months of me working out of state, coming home basically 6 days each month. This has been tough on myself and my family/marriage. I'm to the point now that it is paining me so much to be away from my girls and wife that I'm considering quitting and just moving home.

My question is, what would you do? I am so sick of only seeing my family and being home 6 days a month. My wife says we have to get out of debt completely andci pray for strength to get through the next 10 mos. But only being able to talk to them 1-2 times a week hurts.

I am so close to quitting, moving home, getting a $15/hour job and being home every night. Now doing that would put us back in a stressful vice financially and would have to let all the credit cards default, but I'm willing to do that- my wife just doesn't want that to happen because we would have to allow a car to get repo'ed and live on a razor thin budget eating beans and rice. But I'm to the point of accepting a lifestyle like that. She says 10 months isn't much longer and would be worth it, but hating what I do, in the middle of nowhere 18 hours a day for 16 straight days is driving me absolutely insane and not seeing my girls grow up hurts.

So what would you do? Stick it out or throw in the towel and come home?

 

[abide]

I'm 34, I've been married 7 years this September 28th. Wife is 36. We have a 5 year old girl, 3 year old girl and a 3 month old girl.

Wife and I both work full time. 14 months ago I lost my job and the wife freaked out due to finances and the bind it put us in. 2 months of her almost having panic attacks due to the stress of finances I accepted a job out of state in the oilfield.

Praise god for giving me such a good paying job, and it really woke us up to get out of debt. We started 12 months ago with $143,000 in credit card debt- mostly due to me making bad decisions early in our marriage and us living beyond our means.

Fast forward to today. We have paid our unsecured debt down to $65,000. It will take another 10 months of me working out of state, coming home basically 6 days each month. This has been tough on myself and my family/marriage. I'm to the point now that it is paining me so much to be away from my girls and wife that I'm considering quitting and just moving home.

My question is, what would you do? I am so sick of only seeing my family and being home 6 days a month. My wife says we have to get out of debt completely andci pray for strength to get through the next 10 mos. But only being able to talk to them 1-2 times a week hurts.

I am so close to quitting, moving home, getting a $15/hour job and being home every night. Now doing that would put us back in a stressful vice financially and would have to let all the credit cards default, but I'm willing to do that- my wife just doesn't want that to happen because we would have to allow a car to get repo'ed and live on a razor thin budget eating beans and rice. But I'm to the point of accepting a lifestyle like that. She says 10 months isn't much longer and would be worth it, but hating what I do, in the middle of nowhere 18 hours a day for 16 straight days is driving me absolutely insane and not seeing my girls grow up hurts.

So what would you do? Stick it out or throw in the towel and come home?

This is a tough one. You said that the credit card debt was very big. I believe if your wife is willing for you to stay another 10 months you should do it. It is not going to be easy. How does she spend her money. She needs to check and see if she is spending hers in a responsible way. If both of you are Christians, there is no need for your wife to have panic attacks, God is able, faith is important in the Christian life. Allow your Christian life be at the centre...let God be first.

 

[handy]

My husband and I don't have it quite as bad as you... we are only together from Friday at about 8:00pm to Monday mornings, most of the time. We've lived this way for the past 4 years now due to the same reason... his job. Soon, he will be taking on a job at a different company and we are hoping that he will be able to come home every night.

So, I can relate to what you're going through.

I would say, given the amount of your debt and the fact that you have a definite time limit, you should stick it out. Especially since your wife can't cope well with the financial situation. If she was begging you to come home (which I can REALLY relate too) perhaps it would be different.

As it is, I think you should listen to your help meet here... 10 more months sounds like a long time, but the time will go by fast enough and getting out from under the load of debt makes it worth it.

 

[drilling]

Ok thanks for the input.

 

[Free]

I'm 34, I've been married 7 years this September 28th. Wife is 36. We have a 5 year old girl, 3 year old girl and a 3 month old girl.

Wife and I both work full time. 14 months ago I lost my job and the wife freaked out due to finances and the bind it put us in. 2 months of her almost having panic attacks due to the stress of finances I accepted a job out of state in the oilfield.

Praise god for giving me such a good paying job, and it really woke us up to get out of debt. We started 12 months ago with $143,000 in credit card debt- mostly due to me making bad decisions early in our marriage and us living beyond our means.

Fast forward to today. We have paid our unsecured debt down to $65,000. It will take another 10 months of me working out of state, coming home basically 6 days each month. This has been tough on myself and my family/marriage. I'm to the point now that it is paining me so much to be away from my girls and wife that I'm considering quitting and just moving home.

My question is, what would you do? I am so sick of only seeing my family and being home 6 days a month. My wife says we have to get out of debt completely andci pray for strength to get through the next 10 mos. But only being able to talk to them 1-2 times a week hurts.

I am so close to quitting, moving home, getting a $15/hour job and being home every night. Now doing that would put us back in a stressful vice financially and would have to let all the credit cards default, but I'm willing to do that- my wife just doesn't want that to happen because we would have to allow a car to get repo'ed and live on a razor thin budget eating beans and rice. But I'm to the point of accepting a lifestyle like that. She says 10 months isn't much longer and would be worth it, but hating what I do, in the middle of nowhere 18 hours a day for 16 straight days is driving me absolutely insane and not seeing my girls grow up hurts.

So what would you do? Stick it out or throw in the towel and come home?

That's tough. I work in the industry but in the design of semi-automated pipe handling equipment. Although I've managed to avoid going to an operational rig in the 7 years or so in the industry, I've worked with many service guys and millwrights and heard the stories. Most of those guys were very difficult to be around due to the fowl language and all the garbage they talk about, so I have an idea of what it's like at a rig and I really do feel for you.

I guess I would have to agree with what has been said. Just keep praying for strength to get through the next 10 months and go see and talk to your family as often as you can, which you do already. And pop in here once in a while, or more, for encouragement.

 

[drilling]

Yea I guess the biggest thing is when I get home, I want to do nothing but spend time with them. My girls love it, and so does my wife, but what irritates me is my wife works with only men, and at times on my 6 days off one of those guys she works with will text her something funny about work and she will text him back. A lot of it is work related but somtime's its about his 2 year old, or something dumb he did and his wife is going to kill him. I don't see him as a threat since my wife babysat for him and his wife so they could go have a date night, and they invited us recently to lunch. (I wasn't able to attend)

I guess it's my jealousy of him taking time I want from my wife. I want her attention for those 6 few days and just hate seeing her laugh at some stupid text from him. I brought him up about two months ago and she said he is just likely big brother and they work in the same cubicle on the same 2 person team daily and has for the past 2 years. I guess I just need to pray for god to take that jealousy out of me as well as that insecurity.

 

[duari91]

Yea I guess the biggest thing is when I get home, I want to do nothing but spend time with them. My girls love it, and so does my wife, but what irritates me is my wife works with only men, and at times on my 6 days off one of those guys she works with will text her something funny about work and she will text him back. A lot of it is work related but somtime's its about his 2 year old, or something dumb he did and his wife is going to kill him. I don't see him as a threat since my wife babysat for him and his wife so they could go have a date night, and they invited us recently to lunch. (I wasn't able to attend)

I guess it's my jealousy of him taking time I want from my wife. I want her attention for those 6 few days and just hate seeing her laugh at some stupid text from him. I brought him up about two months ago and she said he is just likely big brother and they work in the same cubicle on the same 2 person team daily and has for the past 2 years. I guess I just need to pray for god to take that jealousy out of me as well as that insecurity.

Not trying to shake the boat here, but I believe you are correct in this situation. If you are only with your family 6 days out of the month, your wife should be devoting her time to be with YOU. Texts/emails that aren't work related can wait while you are home. It sounds like you are the biggest provider for your family, so I think you deserve to get some respect/alone time with your wife. You should probably tell her how you feel about this, and tell her how it makes you feel.

To be perfectly honest, you have much more patience than I have. As the sole provider of my household, that would seem disrespectful to me. Just putting in my two cents. I hope everything works out with you. Keep praying!

 

[drilling]

Not trying to shake the boat here, but I believe you are correct in this situation. If you are only with your family 6 days out of the month, your wife should be devoting her time to be with YOU. Texts/emails that aren't work related can wait while you are home. It sounds like you are the biggest provider for your family, so I think you deserve to get some respect/alone time with your wife. You should probably tell her how you feel about this, and tell her how it makes you feel.

To be perfectly honest, you have much more patience than I have. As the sole provider of my household, that would seem disrespectful to me. Just putting in my two cents. I hope everything works out with you. Keep praying!

At what point do I draw the line? I mean, it may be one text from him after 6pm once or twice after 6pm during that 6 day stretch. So is that to controlling to ask her not to text him after 5 or 6pm duvets family time? It's not like I can ask her never to talk to him since she works with him every day in the same cubicle.

I guess I should have confronted this the other day when my wife told me he and his wife invited us to lunch on my first day off home and it really irritated me. She kind of got defensive but then quickly retracted and I let it go. I did tell her I'd like to spend as much family time together when I'm home and she agreed we should and just said come join them if my flight landed in time which it didn't.

Actually no, she is the bread winner. I don't want to come across to my wife as a snoop checking her texts but those few texts just really irritate me. How shoold I deal with this?

 

[drilling]

I mean she did tell me he asked her if I knew a good sheetrock guy that could fix where he ran into the wall so it isn't like she is hiding anything. Its just the every couple of weeks my wife will text him a pic of our kids, and he would send one back that just seems odd to me. I mean I guess if you are good friends from work you gotta talk about your kids and are proud of them. I just don't text rig co workers pics of my kids.

My wife did ask me last month to move 4 hours away to be closer to her parents and I agreed to that. So that's why I don't really see him as a threat to our marriage, just an annoyance I don't really like seeing or hearing about on our time together since she did see him daily at their office.

 

[duari91]

At what point do I draw the line? I mean, it may be one text from him after 6pm once or twice after 6pm during that 6 day stretch. So is that to controlling to ask her not to text him after 5 or 6pm duvets family time? It's not like I can ask her never to talk to him since she works with him every day in the same cubicle.

I guess I should have confronted this the other day when my wife told me he and his wife invited us to lunch on my first day off home and it really irritated me. She kind of got defensive but then quickly retracted and I let it go. I did tell her I'd like to spend as much family time together when I'm home and she agreed we should and just said come join them if my flight landed in time which it didn't.

Actually no, she is the bread winner. I don't want to come across to my wife as a snoop checking her texts but those few texts just really irritate me. How shoold I deal with this?

I believe you are justified in requesting specific family time. Time that is dedicated to just you. There is no way that is controlling. I mean, you only see her 6 days out of the month. You aren't really affecting her friends by requesting devoted time in those 6 days. You should come first, always.

It sounds like you really trust your wife, which makes for a rock solid marriage. So just talk to her, and be honest. Specifically, tell her how it makes you feel. However; make sure to mention that you want this not just for yourself, but for each other.

My wife and I mutually agreed before marriage that we would not have friendships with people of the opposite sex. Obviously, there are people who we work with that are of the opposite sex. However; we leave it at work and devote all of our free time with each other. That works for us, and is something we are happy with. Just do whatever makes you both happiest, including having as many friends as you want.

Sounds like you really love your wife, and respect her decision to talk/spend time with them. Just make sure she understand that your alone time together is exclusive to you and to her. Not you, her, and her friend.

 

[handy]

I agree that since you are home so very little, your wife should be devoting her time to you as well. She can talk with the guy at work and keep work "at work" as well. Perhaps after the 10 months, you and your wife can socialize with him and his wife, but between now an then, an honest conversation about how you would just like to spend what little time you have connecting as a family and as a couple.

If you let her know that it's not him or the idea of socializing with him and his wife that bothers you... that you'd be more than willing to do things once you're home on a permanent basis, but for now you just want family and couple time...then she'll probably respond pretty positively.