B
BlessedWife
Guest
I know to some of you this may seem like a dramatic title... but to some hopefully it is an encouragement. I just want to share with you what God has done in my life and if you are feeling like I was you may have already thought to yourself 'well that's what God did for you but you don't know how long I've waited....' or something to that effect. Please read on.
I comitted my life to Christ at 19 and after having a hayday of dating and having my way I never even thought of the concept of waiting for a man. I went on a couple dates with guys from the church and was not interested because there was still a lot of the old (wo)man present in me. As I was delevered from almost a lifetime of eating disorders, I became convicted of the things I used to do to be thin so I stopped. I gained some weight and felt very unattractive and this lasted years.
As my 20's went by slowly I began to have a deep longing for companionship in a husband and the deeper the desire in my heart went the more it hurt as I watched all my friends get married and I'd be in their weddings wondering why God still has not brought me the one I prayed for in tears almost every night. It felt like the worst pain to think that I was so unlovable and that even God couldn't bring someone to me because of the way I looked. In the beggining years I clung to Him and trusted that He was still preparing someone for me but as time went on I couldn't help but to think He didn't care. It was like, the thing that has caused me the most pain in my life- lonliness and a feeling of total rejection- was not really an issue to Him. I had seen God move in my life in many different ways and had gotten to really know Him through His Word, spending time with Him, learning to play the guitar and worship him, going on missions trips and ministering to the hurting people of Africa and different places, evangelizing to lost on my College campus... and I really deeply loved Jesus. Still, I could not ignore the painful sore in my heart that gradually became more and more tender and I could never understand why God didn't seem to care about this. Surley He had to have known it was a wound that needed desperate attention but I just felt I was suppossed to ignore it and received counsel many times to do just that. I felt like there was not a soul on earth that could grasp this hurt I experienced and that people thought I was in sin or just wasn't content enough and since they couldn't fully understand, their counsel only left more wounds.
I never thought I would say this but by the time I turned 26 I had given up. 7 years may seem like a short time for some but for me every day got harder and harder and the enemy knew it. I ended up flirting with temptation when a young guy who seemed way out of my leage began taking interest in me. Eventually we dated and I forsook all that I had known to be truth so that I could finally do away with the pain of singleness. I tried everything to deceive myself into thinking this was how it had to be but deep down I missed Jesus terribly and knew I could not be content with a lifetime of pretending. Still, I didn't have the strength to end it so I just became more vocal about my faith in hopes that he would change. I prayed that God would change the circumstances since I felt I couldn't, and He DID! The guy broke up with me because he knew that I was suppossed to be with someone who thought the same way about God as I did and that he couldn't imagine how we would raise our kids when he was agnostic and I was a born again! It broke me to pieces but I knew it was right. I couldn't stop crying for 3 days strait but I knew it was God moving in my life and I didn't fight it though I struggled.
Amazingly, after those first few days I don't think I shed another tear. I began to praise God like I had never done before because I thought of how my life could have been and instead how I am FREE to love Him and serve Him ALL the days of my life. After a year of suppressing my love for Christ I had an overwhelming sense of freedom that made me want to do anything I could to taste Him. I knew now that He alone could satisfy. The desire for a husband didn't disapear but it was something I could live with if it meant that I could pursue God unhindered for the rest of my life. I began praying about going to an orphanage to live and serve at, I already had full financial support offered to me and I began to pray "Lord, whatever it is you have planned for me please guide me- I'm ALL yours."
That is when I met the most amazing man in the world. I had just turned 28 and never thought the day would come but it did in a way that fulfills every word of Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us". I am 29 and married now but it would be NOTHING if it were not the man God had specifically chosen for me. I know he is beyond the shadow of a doubt, one who I can walk by his side as we walk together with our God great. My only regret is that I didn't wait for him, it devestates me to think about and I have to set it before the Lord regularly but I beleive His response is that He shows me a fatted calf like the one the prodigal son received after returning home. My husband is like a feast only the heavenly Father could have prepared. It was God's grace alone that led me to him and him to me.
If I can say one thing to you, He DOES know your pain and He DOES have someone for you (if He didn't He would take away the desire- because it is He who placed it there to begin with). Please don't settle, start now by giving Him your all and when the lonliness and sorrow comes know that He cries with you beloved child of God. He holds your tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8 and soon He will wipe each one away Rev 21:4, He sings over you Zeph 3:17, and best yet- He did what no spouse could do and He paid for your sin on the Cross. Keep holding on, never let the evil one lie to you that God can't see the pain deep in your heart, and be honest with Him. He is the Lord your God, He is faithful, and He loves you so much He will not allow just anyone to take your hand. Please don't doubt His concern for the things that concern you 1 Peter 5:7. It's in His Word and the enemy's objective is to make you doubt the character of God. Please don't! Just seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you Matt 6:33. You are not forgotten, you are precious in His sight and His timing for YOU is perfect.
I comitted my life to Christ at 19 and after having a hayday of dating and having my way I never even thought of the concept of waiting for a man. I went on a couple dates with guys from the church and was not interested because there was still a lot of the old (wo)man present in me. As I was delevered from almost a lifetime of eating disorders, I became convicted of the things I used to do to be thin so I stopped. I gained some weight and felt very unattractive and this lasted years.
As my 20's went by slowly I began to have a deep longing for companionship in a husband and the deeper the desire in my heart went the more it hurt as I watched all my friends get married and I'd be in their weddings wondering why God still has not brought me the one I prayed for in tears almost every night. It felt like the worst pain to think that I was so unlovable and that even God couldn't bring someone to me because of the way I looked. In the beggining years I clung to Him and trusted that He was still preparing someone for me but as time went on I couldn't help but to think He didn't care. It was like, the thing that has caused me the most pain in my life- lonliness and a feeling of total rejection- was not really an issue to Him. I had seen God move in my life in many different ways and had gotten to really know Him through His Word, spending time with Him, learning to play the guitar and worship him, going on missions trips and ministering to the hurting people of Africa and different places, evangelizing to lost on my College campus... and I really deeply loved Jesus. Still, I could not ignore the painful sore in my heart that gradually became more and more tender and I could never understand why God didn't seem to care about this. Surley He had to have known it was a wound that needed desperate attention but I just felt I was suppossed to ignore it and received counsel many times to do just that. I felt like there was not a soul on earth that could grasp this hurt I experienced and that people thought I was in sin or just wasn't content enough and since they couldn't fully understand, their counsel only left more wounds.
I never thought I would say this but by the time I turned 26 I had given up. 7 years may seem like a short time for some but for me every day got harder and harder and the enemy knew it. I ended up flirting with temptation when a young guy who seemed way out of my leage began taking interest in me. Eventually we dated and I forsook all that I had known to be truth so that I could finally do away with the pain of singleness. I tried everything to deceive myself into thinking this was how it had to be but deep down I missed Jesus terribly and knew I could not be content with a lifetime of pretending. Still, I didn't have the strength to end it so I just became more vocal about my faith in hopes that he would change. I prayed that God would change the circumstances since I felt I couldn't, and He DID! The guy broke up with me because he knew that I was suppossed to be with someone who thought the same way about God as I did and that he couldn't imagine how we would raise our kids when he was agnostic and I was a born again! It broke me to pieces but I knew it was right. I couldn't stop crying for 3 days strait but I knew it was God moving in my life and I didn't fight it though I struggled.
Amazingly, after those first few days I don't think I shed another tear. I began to praise God like I had never done before because I thought of how my life could have been and instead how I am FREE to love Him and serve Him ALL the days of my life. After a year of suppressing my love for Christ I had an overwhelming sense of freedom that made me want to do anything I could to taste Him. I knew now that He alone could satisfy. The desire for a husband didn't disapear but it was something I could live with if it meant that I could pursue God unhindered for the rest of my life. I began praying about going to an orphanage to live and serve at, I already had full financial support offered to me and I began to pray "Lord, whatever it is you have planned for me please guide me- I'm ALL yours."
That is when I met the most amazing man in the world. I had just turned 28 and never thought the day would come but it did in a way that fulfills every word of Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us". I am 29 and married now but it would be NOTHING if it were not the man God had specifically chosen for me. I know he is beyond the shadow of a doubt, one who I can walk by his side as we walk together with our God great. My only regret is that I didn't wait for him, it devestates me to think about and I have to set it before the Lord regularly but I beleive His response is that He shows me a fatted calf like the one the prodigal son received after returning home. My husband is like a feast only the heavenly Father could have prepared. It was God's grace alone that led me to him and him to me.
If I can say one thing to you, He DOES know your pain and He DOES have someone for you (if He didn't He would take away the desire- because it is He who placed it there to begin with). Please don't settle, start now by giving Him your all and when the lonliness and sorrow comes know that He cries with you beloved child of God. He holds your tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8 and soon He will wipe each one away Rev 21:4, He sings over you Zeph 3:17, and best yet- He did what no spouse could do and He paid for your sin on the Cross. Keep holding on, never let the evil one lie to you that God can't see the pain deep in your heart, and be honest with Him. He is the Lord your God, He is faithful, and He loves you so much He will not allow just anyone to take your hand. Please don't doubt His concern for the things that concern you 1 Peter 5:7. It's in His Word and the enemy's objective is to make you doubt the character of God. Please don't! Just seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you Matt 6:33. You are not forgotten, you are precious in His sight and His timing for YOU is perfect.
