Habitual lying

[GojuBrian]

How do I impress it upon m kids how inportant it is always to tell the truth?

I make sure to set a good example and this is one area where I believe I succeed.

Lately, the kids have found it necessary to lie straight to me.

For instance, one kept taking his toys (baukgan) to school. I told him twice not to already. Today when he got home I asked to see his backpack and if he had any bakugan. He said no when twice asked. He then proceeded to his room where I followed and saw him unloading the bakugan. I went in at that time and asked why he lied to me again. :naughty

Yesterday, it was time out in the corner, no outside play for the day, and he lost his Nintendo DS until saturday. Now what? What will work?

His mother is a habitual liar and he just spent a few days around thanksgiving with her. First time to see her since June.....

Any suggestions?

 

[vja4Him]

Man, I can feel for you ... !!! I've never had a serious problems with my boys lying, but did have serious problmes with one of our x-roommates and his son, who lived with us for 18 months.

Our roommate's son who was 15 when they moved out a couple months ago, was a compulsive liar. Everyday he would tell lies to me, my boys, and his dad. I even heard his dad given him lectures about his problem with lying. This kid lies to everyone. He lies to all of his relatives, and they all know it.

He lies about school, is constantly getting into trouble, and blaming his problems in school on his teachers. He is always telling tall tales, and swearing his stories are true. He came home one day telling that he was just shot by someone driving by ... !!!

He told us that he can do, and actually did, 5,000 (that's five thousand!) push-ups in only one hour!!! I checked the world record, which is just over 3,000, and told him there is no way that he could do that ... !!!

Here is the real kicker ... His dad even believes that his son can do the 5,000 push-ups in an hour! But when asked to show us just how many push-ups he really can do, he refused to do any at all!

His father is a very bad example .... They were both lazy, irresponsible, messy ... We (myself and my two boys) had to constantly babysit these two guys every single day, for 18 months ... !!! And I do mean actually baby sit, a grown man, in his 40s, and his 15 year old son. We had to tell them everyday to clean up their messes, write notes every single day, and fight them just to get them to cooperate ....

I guess I just slightly digressed ... But I think the lying is a serious problem, and the bad example from the parent, which only compounds the problems even more.

My boys don't see their mother very often. She really isn't interested in their lives. Never really was. I have to be very careful too, because she is potentially dangerous (suicidal, and has very wicked and dangerous friends).

 

[vja4Him]

I'm not really sure what to do about this problem with lying ....

If it were my boys who had that problem, I would do some research on the issue, pray, see if I could get the boy(s) to meet with a youth pastor, and pray together.

Get them involved in church, youth group, play Christian music when they are around, try to immerse them with the gospel (play audio Bible), Christian radio, read the Bible together.

I have Bible verses all over our house. Some I have printed out on the computer, others I have written out myself in bold felt pens.

And of course, be a good example! Don't lie yourself!!! Maybe have the kids start journaling, and enforce that they need to tell the truth, be honest, don't be afraid to tell it like it is.

Get them to memorize scripture ..... And don't give up ... Keep praying for them ... And let them know you care and that God cares, and that you are praying for them ....

 

[vja4Him]

Telling the Truth - Mark Twain

One of my favorite quotes:

If you always tell the truth,

You won't have to remember what you said!

-- Mark Twain

 

[Tina]

Though I'm not a parent, I had been a teacher before, and as a Christian too, I taught my kids moral values about telling the truths ; and the Sunday School teachers in church also emphasize such biblical values in our children. I will pray for your kids. I know it must be hard on parents like you.

 

[vja4Him]

Though I'm not a parent, I had been a teacher before, and as a Christian too, I taught my kids moral values about telling the truths ; and the Sunday School teachers in church also emphasize such biblical values in our children. I will pray for your kids. I know it must be hard on parents like you.

I work as a substitute teacher, and I see so many students coming to class with so many bad habits, lack of motivation, disrespect, terrible attitude ("I don't care," "I ain't doing any work," "I don't do work," "I'm gonna be a pimp like my uncle," "I'm gonna join my hommie's gang," "I'm gonna sell drugs like my brother," and more .... ), irresponsible, lying, goofing off, playing, not prepared (no paper, no pencil, no binder, no assignments, no books), and some as if with no clue where they even are, what a school or classroom really is, who or what the teacher is, what they are even doing in the classroom ....

And it gets worse as the kids get older ....

It's very sad and frustrating .... Then I see these kids ending up in an Alternative school, or Juvenile Hall (where I also work), some whose attitude has only gotten much worse, others who seem hopeless, helpless, desparate to change, addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, members of gangs, smoking, homeless, abused .... )

 

[destiny]

My daddy used to tell us it was time for a 'tune up' and then give us one. You know what that is, right?

We can't improve upon what God has ordained...
"He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24) and "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell." (Proverbs 23:13-14)

 

[JohnEboy1983]

Parts throughout Proverbs and Ephesians chapter 6 you may want to give a read and maybe it will help out some. As a father you should set examples by action to your children. Some parents say do what I say, but do not do as I do. Since a young one will mimic the actions of their parents, if a parent is only commanding but not showing them by action how to live right, the child will often times give into lying, cursing, etc, if they see the parents doing it. Since you said that you are setting a good example, it may just because he is a little rebellious even when he sees you setting a good example and its time to not let him have his way. I would tell him if he continues he will have to be disciplined for disobeying and that can range from giving the child a little bit of physical pain to also taking away his toys. Tell the child you love him, but he must get a spanking for disobeying you. I believe in discipline so as long as its done in a loving and not out of anger fashion. You may also try taking away a toy for everytime he lies and tell him if he keeps lieng he will get a toy taken away for each time he lies and that daddy cannot trust him with toys because he keeps lieng to daddy. Parenting is definitely a tough job and I can only imagine how truly hard it is compared to just writing down advice so I wish you the best in getting him to become truthfull to you and obedient.

P.S. I just realized you just noted that their mother is a habitual liar and it goes back to what I wrote down. What they see the parents do, they imitate that behavior. It makes sense now why they are lieng.


(Ephesians chapter 6:4- "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." So you ask what does provoking mean? It means that fathers can provoke their children to wrath, by injustice, loss of temper, undue severity, cruelty, favoritism, suppression, sarcasm, ridicule, and misuse or abuse of authrority. I would imagine this applies to fathers as well as mothers. This little part is out of the king james study bible commentary.)

John E.

 

[JoJo]

How about this, Brian?

One set punishment for the actual offense.
An additional punishment for lying about the offense.

Then they will see that while the act of disobedience is bad, lying about it as well is worse.

Good luck! Kids are kids and they go through periods of testing, feeling their way in the world and that includes seeing what they can get away with. Then, they also want their way and will sometimes lie to get it.

 

[GojuBrian]

Thanks everyone.

We are actively invollved in church and I believe I do set a good example about telling the truth for them.

I took his video games away for a week and had him write fifty sentences. "I will always tell the truth."

Man, he hated doing that. I hope it worked.