citrus
Member
- Mar 10, 2023
- 644
- 418
So I think I posted similar to this. Just another prayer. I got plantar fasciitis in my feet. It's that line, bone whatever it is that connects the toe all the way down to create an arch and to the heel. It is very painful. I bought new shoes and got inserts to help my foot. I have started doing foot exercise I saw on line. If it snaps it will hurt intensely. I will have to get foot surgery? And not be able to walk on it. I don't know how they would fix ot. Very painful. I try not to walk to much even the heel hurts because of the pressure we put on it when we walk. I also am still having ear pain. My parents just act like it is all in my head. They make me feel guilty and punished. They don't listen to me. Sometimes I can't even hear and it isn't ear wax. I went to the doctor with my mom and the doctor said I need to see a specialist. So she said if you don't hear from me in two weeks call me so we can set that up. She needs a specialist. That was like 10 months ago. I ask my mom and mention it and she gets grumpy and says, "well I'm not going to do it right now. I'm tired." My ears even throb most the time. I can't hear buy myself talking in a tunnel sometimes and try to pop my ears like on a plane. Its a pain in the butt. My parents don't get it. I'm hurting all the time and now my feet. The foot thing is just recently. So back when it was just my ears, why did they not take me? I have Medicare and Medicare. Isn't that good money wise? We just enjoy our time and do stuff. My dad has a lot of days off he is almost retired. They just gaslight me. I slyly mention it and try to prepare for backlash. We just go along enjoying our time. Do they not realize I'm always constantly in pain because when I had chemo it messed up my bladder to were there is nothing they can do about it. Took me forever to get to that appointment. Then with my cavities it took me 3 years before they took me. My dad said to my uncle, " oh she has a lot of money." I remember thinking no I don't cavities are going to cost me so I have to save money. So I did. My dad is like, " I asked you if you wanted to go to the dentist and you said no." Ha. No I didn't. I was with my former pastor and dad once and my dad is like, "oh you know she just gets on tick tock." I have never been on tic toc. My former pastor asked me how I like the new church we go to. I said we'll there is no one really my age, just youth and elderly. My dad said that's not true there are people your age and named someone. That man is in his 50s at least. Blah. Made me look bad in front of the pastor. I'm just frustrated with so much right now. So much stuff is going on and I am breaking inside. I have so much pain. They canceled my dentist appointment because I said ears are more important than a teeth clean. They just ignored me. I said under my breath, " I just gotta do what is right for me." Blah. I'm not a priority. I'm thinking maybe when my dad gets his vacation time or final day of retirement he can take me to the doctor because one bad health problem causes other health problems and that is definitely me. If you take care of one problem it can help the whole body tremendously, but if you ignore it things eventually add up to being overwhelming because it just gets worse. I don't understand this. What am I going to do when my dad dies? Or even my mom. My mom doesn't know how to do the stuff my dad does. She always messes stuff up. Like important paper work, answering the door to people, scams, getting the TV to boot back up. Anything technical and messing up my phone when I ask her to check something. I m even like, mom don't push that one it just does this. She doesn't listen then I have to try and fix it. They are my guardians. I don't drive. My mom asked me something one time and my mom is like, why, how ya going to that. You'll be with us. I'm thinking no ya won't. You'll most likely to be dead at that time, but I didn't say it out loud. I want to get married one day and in her answer it seems like she is saying she will live forever and I will never marry I will live with them. They don't think right. I do want to get married one day. How am I going to find anyone at my church? Noone my age. Blah. I just needed to vent. I really don't get it. I dread the future. I want to get my health back. I have more medical needs I didn't tell my parents. I'm just dealing with the most important ones. I'm not one of those people who are phobic and always have to go to the doctor. I know our bodies are never completely healthy, but I only ask for these basic things that cause me so much pain. It scares me that my plantar might pop. That would be horrible pain, surgery and who knows what. Please pray for me. I am so sad. My dad and mom always gas light me and brush it off like it is no big deal and it's all in my head and I can't believe in everything I hear. Meh. Sometimes they really do know I'm in pain. They just make me feel bad and I get scared I'm going to get yelled at so I just shut up and give up or forget because we are watching tv or something and then it hurts. My dad is like , "I always enjoy watching movies with you. Do you know how awesome you are. I need a hug. Love ya pumpkin." Then I go to bed and I know he genuinely said that. Blah.
