Hello

[Gat0rvean]

I'm Graham, how do ya do?

Thought I would finally register and introduce myself, I've been browsing and sifting for a couple months now. A little back story perhaps:

I was raised in a Christian home, my father is a preacher man, in a non-denominational Church. I was saved at a very young age and was very enthusiastic back then, albeit, I have pretty hardcore ADD and have never been a fan of Church, Meetings, Prayer Vigils, Bible Studies etc. etc. At some point, probably around 15 or so, I started to drift away, got into public school, drugs, drinking the whole 9 yards, and I always said I believed in God, I prayed to God (mostly for money, or to get me out of a situation), but I most certainly did just about nothing God would approve of besides the random act of kindness (most certainly prompted by guilt and not of free will).

Starting a few years back, I started having some issues, and was in and out of the hospital, and was even arrested at one point, nothing really life threatening, but enough to make me want to change. Well change I did, but not so much in a more Christian way, but a more well balanced man of the world I guess you could say (college, solid job, cut the drugs etc.) Well, this went on for a while and at some point or another I started getting strong feelings, that I was in dire need of Church, and to get back to what I used to know, being a Christian in general. So I forced (literally, fought with myself) to join a bible study, and find a church and started reading my bible again (about the only activity I truly enjoy), and have kept it up fairly well, I've been seeking a deeper relationship with God, and fighting with myself over what I can only figure are scars of a life that won't let me go. I find myself constantly questioning the legitimacy of the existence of God (and feel terrible for it), I find it miserable most days to force myself to sit through church, or a bible study, I have very few Christian friends that I'm close to (I do have very good friends I am close to, but not that are Christian), and I just have trouble in general staying on the right track. The only thing I can consistently see as a result of coming back is that I recognize and agonize over when I do sin, either by mistake,or disregarding the voice of the Holy Spirit and carrying out the deed anyway.

I'm sorry for the loooong introduction and background, but this seems like a good of a place as any to get these things off my chest and seek help / direction in my walk. I earnestly do want nothing more than a relationship with the Father, but man, I find myself weak in many areas and constantly going from feeling complete freedom in Christ and happy to be here, to feeling completely hopeless and flawed in every way and destined for an eternity of separation (hell). Thanks for reading on this far, and I hope to get to know some of you, learn from all of you, and contribute something to furthering His will in this life.

 

[Mike]

Great to have you here

Welcome to CFnet :waving

Your intro is very thoughtful. I'm glad you shared your thoughts. I'll just say HI here and encourage you to post something in a particular forum to get discussion going if you want to.

Mike

 

[Nick]

Welcome, Graham!

 

[PouringRain]

Welcome.

 

[Caroline H]

Welcome! It's good that you're here, I pray that you are encouraged

 

[Logos57]

Howdy and welcome to CF, Graham.