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Help me... (I owe you big time if you read all this)

C

coday182

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Ok I know this is super long but I would greatly appreciate it if you read through it and gave me your advice.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for close to two years. Everything has been pretty much peachy up until the last month or two (since track season started and we are on the same team). Then all of a sudden she starts acting weird.

Now I have always been a christian but this is what I consider to be when I really really accepted jesus into my heart... I have always got along great with my g/f's parents. They love me and say that they hope we get married blah blah blah... Her dad is a preacher and a good one at that. He has this thing about him that he just makes you feel better when you talk to him wether its about religion or not. To tell you the truth, I would rather talk to him about my problems than my parents or a counselor. ANyways, I decide that he is the person to talk to about my problems with her. We talked a lot for a while but there was one phone call, when I was feeling the worst, when he just showed me the light. He talked to me about praying and read scriptures to me. I feel like I truely met Jesus that night. I started praying to him all the time (I still do) and could feel him filling my heart with happiness and love more and more everyday. Obviously I prayed about my relationship problems too.

Finally I figure out that she needed her space which is OK. She didn't want to tell me because she thought it would hurt my feelins but I finally got it out of her. I would rather give her space and let her get over this hump then break up with her. After not spending any time with her for the weekend she starts having me over again. It's like she couldn't bare having me away. Then I start to think everything is better but it isn't.

I have been praying about this but haven't gotten any answers yet or atleast I don't know it yet anyways. But its like these past 2 or 3 weeks she has changed in to a differnent person. She has been more or less taking me for granted and treating me (and her best friend) like crap. One thing I have learned through prayer, scriptures, and talks with the preacher i mentioned previously is that if I truely love her, which I do, I will find a way to work this out and stuff but I don't know how. Here is a list of some of the stuff that has happened....

-She asks me over on a sunday afternoon. I come over. When I get there she is in a bad mood and hardly speeks to me so I leave early. I end up apologizing to her (even though she is the one who was being very rude) about the whole thing because I would rather just not argue.

-She asks me over tonight so I come over. She isn't in a bad mood but she spends most of the time just reading and ignoring me. I ended up falling asleep but when I woke up she was still reading so I found a way to occupy my time.

-Various other little things.

Ok so I'm asking you guys for your input on the situation. I have prayed and prayed but maybe you guys could help me in what to pray for or pray for me too. Maybe some of you girls who understand each other can tell me watsup. I just wanna know what to do. lol. Pleeeeeez help me. lol.
 
I can see one potential problem, which may or may not be the cause.
-She asks me over on a sunday afternoon. I come over. When I get there she is in a bad mood and hardly speeks to me so I leave early. I end up apologizing to her (even though she is the one who was being very rude) about the whole thing because I would rather just not argue.
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I see from this that you are being very weak here, letting your girlfriend have all the power and control. This is not a good thing. You're supposed to be the man and women look to men for strength and authority. However, there is a difference between "authority" and "control."
 
After giving her her space, have you tried talking to her about what's going on? There may be something going on in her life that you don't know about that's bothering her. Also, try explaining what's going on in your head about ya'll's relationship. Really try to talk to her about this. If she really cares for you, not just as a boyfriend, but as a brother in Christ and a person, then she'll try to work out what's going on. In the end, it may turn out that you are better off breaking up, but I don't think it's wise to drag out the relationship with such a huge proverbial elephant in the room.

Gendou's got some good advice, too. Apologize for leaving early, but don't apologize for her rude behavior.

Whatever you do, remember to keep your wits and be gentle. It won't do any good to lose your temper. (I'm not saying that you would; I don't even know you. I just know that in stressful, irritating situations, people generally do lose their cool.)

I hope everything works out for you. Keep praying; just because God is silent doesn't mean he hasn't heard.
 
Thanks guys. I'm just glad that you took the time to read through that huge thing lol. Well I have no idea what's going on right now. She's being kind of quiet. I talked to her about it a little last night. She said that she still thinks everything is ok and I don't need to worry about it. I do know that something is wrong though. I also asked her if something was wrong because she didn't seem like everything was ok. She said she was ok but I think she just really doesn't want to talk about it or she doesnt even know that something is wrong. I just keep praying for her. One good thing happened...

She has been having problems with getting along and talking to her family, too. SHe hardly ever talked to her dad which was discouraging because I know he can help more than anybody because he is a preacher and he knows how to tell people about asking Christ for help and stuff like that. Apparently after I got off the phone with her last night (cause I broke down and started crying and was embarrested) she talked to him for and hour and a half till she went to bed. That's a major improvement. But anyways. Thanks... Just keep praying for her and us.
 
Hey Coday, if I could give you some advise it would to be a little more agressive in trying to figure out the problem. You need to start by simply asking little things like how her day was. See how she responds to certain questions, and scan her answers carefully. If you ask about one of her friends and she responds in a tiresome way, you can bet the problem has something to do with the friend. You need to get her to feel comfortable talking about herself around you. Sure, she may say things are fine, but as you said, she may simply not want to talk about it.

So, next time, go back to the basics. How was your day? How was that test? Nice weather. Tell about something that happened to to you. Better yet, see if you can get her to laugh. If it isi little things that are giving her anger away, then it may only take little things to get her to relax.

And be honest. Tell her if your not sure how to make her happy. Maybe she'll tell you.

-But Most of all, keep praying. Your prayer must be honest and sincere. When you seek God's comfort for her, be totally unselfish. When you upset, pray for that separatly. God will be able to help her more if he can keep your head clear.

This is just a little advice. It may work or it may not, and you may have already tried it. Just keep an open mind.
 
Hey Coday, if I could give you some advise it would to be a little more agressive in trying to figure out the problem. You need to start by simply asking little things like how her day was. See how she responds to certain questions, and scan her answers carefully. If you ask about one of her friends and she responds in a tiresome way, you can bet the problem has something to do with the friend. You need to get her to feel comfortable talking about herself around you. Sure, she may say things are fine, but as you said, she may simply not want to talk about it.

So, next time, go back to the basics. How was your day? How was that test? Nice weather. Tell about something that happened to to you. Better yet, see if you can get her to laugh. If it isi little things that are giving her anger away, then it may only take little things to get her to relax.

And be honest. Tell her if your not sure how to make her happy. Maybe she'll tell you.

-But Most of all, keep praying. Your prayer must be honest and sincere. When you seek God's comfort for her, be totally unselfish. When you upset, pray for that separatly. God will be able to help her more if he can keep your head clear.

This is just a little advice. It may work or it may not, and you may have already tried it. Just keep an open mind.
 
Coday-

Others in the topic have suggested that you continue to pray about this. I concur that suggestion, but I would also suggest to try praying with her concerning what is going on in her heart, and your relationship. If something isn't right between she and the Lord, then you might need to take a step back in order to let her figure that out. But continue to be by her side and support her as she tries to figure out what's going on. But as others have said, it's important that you establish yourself as the leader here, and seek her best interest, which might include telling her that, whether she recognizes it or not, something is definitely wrong in your relationship. It's not wise to throw the blame around to her or anything, but just try to open the communication and tell her, not only how her behavior is affecting you, but try to make her aware of her change in behavior. This can be a difficult method, because often times, people can become defensive if you try to point out their faults. But I think there is a positive way of doing so in order to show her that you genuinely care, and intend to be with her as she works things out in her heart.

It sounds like she still needs space. Even though she seems to be inviting you over again, her behavior indicates that she still needs time to collect herself. Maybe she is too "needy" (for lack of a better word- I say this because she told you that she needed space, and then caved out of a need for you, which might be an indication of an inability to focus on herself?) to take initiative and try to focus on herself - which means, it might be up to you and your discernment to determine whether or not you should insist on taking another step back from her in order to let her collect herself. Continue to pray about it, and keep her updated of your prayers and try to encourage her spirituality. Because chances are, her struggles are spiritually rooted, and she might need an extra push and realization of your support to gain deeper spiritual focus.
 
coday182 said:
Thanks guys. I'm just glad that you took the time to read through that huge thing lol. Well I have no idea what's going on right now. She's being kind of quiet. I talked to her about it a little last night. She said that she still thinks everything is ok and I don't need to worry about it. I do know that something is wrong though. I also asked her if something was wrong because she didn't seem like everything was ok. She said she was ok but I think she just really doesn't want to talk about it or she doesnt even know that something is wrong. I just keep praying for her. One good thing happened...

She has been having problems with getting along and talking to her family, too. SHe hardly ever talked to her dad which was discouraging because I know he can help more than anybody because he is a preacher and he knows how to tell people about asking Christ for help and stuff like that. Apparently after I got off the phone with her last night (cause I broke down and started crying and was embarrested) she talked to him for and hour and a half till she went to bed. That's a major improvement. But anyways. Thanks... Just keep praying for her and us.
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Well its good that there is some improvement i gues.How r things 4 u now is she still mean 2 u n stuff ples tell.
 
Kevin said:
Well its good that there is some improvement i gues.How r things 4 u now is she still mean 2 u n stuff ples tell.
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OK... update.
Her parents decided to make her have a more family oriented summer. Since I am considered family I get to go over and see her and she gets to come over and see my family (her other family pretty much) whenever she wants. She is just doing that as well as stuff with her friends every once in a while. The biggest change is that she isn't doing anything sports related because that is usually waht takes up all of the average teen's time in the summer.

It's kind of funny. I have been prayin and things are finally starting to look up. SHe has done certain little things that don't mean much to anybody else but they show me how much she loves me. This last week it has felt like we fell in love all over again (not that we ever fell out of love). She just went through some stressful times and we made it through them. But anyways... thanks for your prayers. Things are finally starting to look up.
 
Coday,

It's good to hear that things are looking up. I feel obligated to point out, life is full of ups and downs. This 'down' period you've just experienced may have just ended, but that doesn't mean you won't encounter more later in life. So the lesson is to take what you've learned from this experience, and apply it later in life when you get hit again. And to not get discouraged, but recognize that only by experiencing the worst of life, can you truly experience the best of life.

My best wishes to you.
 
this happens when someone needs a break from another. you know it may hurt but we do grow up and want different things. wondering your age though.hope it's all good right now.
 
Gendou Ikari said:
I see from this that you are being very weak here, letting your girlfriend have all the power and control. This is not a good thing. You're supposed to be the man and women look to men for strength and authority. However, there is a difference between "authority" and "control."
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Hey watch what you say about "the fairer sex" as we are often called. I never looked to any man for strength and authority, I am perfectly capable of making decisions about my life with out the help of my father or boyfriend. I think women are just as capable of handling their own minds and affairs as any man, some more capable in fact. I may be biased, as I am a female, but I think that women shouldn't just do whatever her father/boyfriend/husband tells her to do. That's brainwashing at it's best.

coday182, maybe this is just her way of showing that she wants a break, relationships are tough to deal with if that's all you're involved in them 24/7. It can make a person very depressed at times. You should ask her what she wants out of this relationship and listen very carefully to what she says.
 
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