Help! Nosey mother-in-law.

[Kaileymarie]

First let me say I have three little ones. A 4 year old girl, a 2 year old boy and a 5 month old boy.

My MIL isn't that bad, but there have been many times she has challenged my parenting. For example telling me over and over that my two year old should still be taking two naps a day, and my four year old should have a nap every day (she has quiet time in her room during my two year olds nap and falls asleep sometimes). I've explained to her that they have their sleep schedules and it works really well for us, and that not all two year olds need two naps a day. Finally after months she gave up.

She takes my daughter to story time at the library in the morning once a week during my two year olds nap time and now i'm being pressured to push back his nap and take my two sons also. I just know he's not ready because he starts getting cranky around 11 (right in the middle of story time). Also my daughter having alone time out of the house is very important to me.



Yesterday we took the kids to a small local aquarium, where the movie dolphin tale was shot. It was 5:30 (they close at 6) and my MIL wanted to get on the trolley to go about five minutes away to their movie experience (has props from the movie). We had the baby stroller with his car seat and my two year old was terrified to get on the trolley. I knew I should have stayed behind with the little ones because they would be back in thirty minutes, but felt pressure to please her, so we got the stroller on the trolley and my two year old screamed the entire way there. He then got scared in the movie experience building because they have a hurricane simulator and there was loud thunder booming through the building. I ended up spending the entire time trying to calm him down while they looked around and then after about fifteen minutes we were kicked out for closing and my son screamed the entire trolley ride because he was scared.

I guess I'm looking for reassurance that I can make good decisions regarding my family. I feel like I shouldn't have given in to the pressure and I should have just stayed at the aquarium for those thirty minutes and waited for them, but it would have made her unhappy so I put myself and my son through a stressful situation.

I really want to have a good relationship with her, but I'm starting to resent her and not want to spend time with her because Im tired of hearing the comments about what would be better for them. Ive explained it to my husband, and asked how he would feel if the situation were reversed, and he understood and said he wouldnt have to worry about my parents doing this.

 

[reba]

After a fun day of screaming kids maybe she will listen to you ! Your responsibility is to our children .... I would try the route of the 4 year old loving one on one time with grandma,( bet you have)

She takes my daughter to story time at the library in the morning once a week
during my two year olds nap time and now i'm being pressured to push back his
nap and take my two sons also. I just know he's not ready because he starts
getting cranky around 11 (right in the middle of story time). Also my daughter
having alone time out of the house is very important to me.

I would play this time up as very important to the child.. Could she be wanting you to go for the adult companionship?

We M-I-l s are sometimes truly trying to offer our experience for your benefit , something I did not get until I was on that side of the fence... You sound like a good mother hold your ground....
Some times we phrase our words to leave openings the difference between "o not now he is napping" "He is not old enough maybe when he is 4 like his sister."

Letting grand parents spoil the kids and do goofy out of the routine stuff is OK and even good when they only see the kids a couple times a year.

Sometimes yes sure here take all 3 and you stay home! Grandma may get the idea....

 

[abide]

First let me say I have three little ones. A 4 year old girl, a 2 year old boy and a 5 month old boy.

My MIL isn't that bad, but there have been many times she has challenged my parenting. For example telling me over and over that my two year old should still be taking two naps a day, and my four year old should have a nap every day (she has quiet time in her room during my two year olds nap and falls asleep sometimes). I've explained to her that they have their sleep schedules and it works really well for us, and that not all two year olds need two naps a day. Finally after months she gave up.

She takes my daughter to story time at the library in the morning once a week during my two year olds nap time and now i'm being pressured to push back his nap and take my two sons also. I just know he's not ready because he starts getting cranky around 11 (right in the middle of story time). Also my daughter having alone time out of the house is very important to me.



Yesterday we took the kids to a small local aquarium, where the movie dolphin tale was shot. It was 5:30 (they close at 6) and my MIL wanted to get on the trolley to go about five minutes away to their movie experience (has props from the movie). We had the baby stroller with his car seat and my two year old was terrified to get on the trolley. I knew I should have stayed behind with the little ones because they would be back in thirty minutes, but felt pressure to please her, so we got the stroller on the trolley and my two year old screamed the entire way there. He then got scared in the movie experience building because they have a hurricane simulator and there was loud thunder booming through the building. I ended up spending the entire time trying to calm him down while they looked around and then after about fifteen minutes we were kicked out for closing and my son screamed the entire trolley ride because he was scared.

I guess I'm looking for reassurance that I can make good decisions regarding my family. I feel like I shouldn't have given in to the pressure and I should have just stayed at the aquarium for those thirty minutes and waited for them, but it would have made her unhappy so I put myself and my son through a stressful situation.

I really want to have a good relationship with her, but I'm starting to resent her and not want to spend time with her because Im tired of hearing the comments about what would be better for them. Ive explained it to my husband, and asked how he would feel if the situation were reversed, and he understood and said he wouldnt have to worry about my parents doing this.

You are in charge of your children...Let your mother in law realise that as much as you appreciate her help and ideas.. You should be making the decisions. She is being helpful, but at times it seems that mother in law can try to be mother. Talk to her and let her know you care, but be firm. The help from your mother in law is good, but the overall decisions are yours... Try not to let there be conflict. Your husbands seems unwilling to say anything so he is taking the easy way out by saying he would not worry if the situation was in the reverse. It is good that you have a mother in law that spends quality time with her grands, some children are not that fortunate. You are really blessed indeed.

 

[Kaileymarie]

Reba, it's funny that you mentioned letting her take all of the kids and see if she changes her mind! My husband and I just started a Dave Ramsey class at church and Wednesday she started watching them (every Wednesday 6-8ish) during bed time. When we got back she was all frazzled and ready to go! Haha!

She doesn't want to take all of the kids herself, she doesnt even want to take the two older kids herself because she knows the two year old will want to run around and all that jazz. I don't know why she thinks it would be easier for me toting around a 5 month old.

I have come to respect you through your posts and I thank you for saying I sound like a good mom! Do you think I should have stayed back at the aquarium with the toddler and baby and let them go to the movie experience? Was that good judgement on my behalf or do you think I was right to go with them anyway just to make her happy?