Honesty, can someone be too honest?

[Blazin Bones]

In recent days, I've been thinking about Total Honesty. People often claim that they just want someone to be honest with them, but do they always realize what they are asking for? It may be true that we as humans aren't often able to handle the complete truth. So what are your thoughts on the implications of Total honesty?

 

[Nikki]

In recent days, I've been thinking about Total Honesty. People often claim that they just want someone to be honest with them, but do they always realize what they are asking for? It may be true that we as humans aren't often able to handle the complete truth. So what are your thoughts on the implications of Total honesty?

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always totally honest. I will NOT tell a person that their hair is ugly if I can tell they are thrilled and excited about a new haircut. I would never intentionally hurt someones feelings and I know that if I was honest with certain people, I would hurt their feelings.

I often think of times that I tell my kids "You'll be ok". (First day of school is an example) Well, what if they AREN'T ok? It's just easier to relax their minds instead of knowing they're stressing out over certain situations.

 

[chris overy]

nikki

i agree with you. we should not tell them things that will hurt them. but if i am asked i will not compliment them and tell them what they want to hear either. nor will i lie to boost one up because it is the nice thing to do.

i believe that there are times when brutal honesty is the way to go. but i also believe that there are times that brutal honesty needs to be kept to ourselves and we should try to state something that is not going either way.

 

[Blazin Bones]

Brutal honesty and total honesty can often look similar. Suppose you are asked to tell a person exactly what you think about them, and you have to be totally Honest. Do you ignore the things in them you don't like just to keep them smiling or to keep the situation from getting awkward?

 

[Nikki]

Brutal honesty and total honesty can often look similar. Suppose you are asked to tell a person exactly what you think about them, and you have to be totally Honest. Do you ignore the things in them you don't like just to keep them smiling or to keep the situation from getting awkward?

In that situation, I would try to make a joke out of it. For instance, I've worked with someone before that I couldn't stand. They got on my last nerve. If she asked me if I liked her, I would never say "No. I can't stand you. You have a big mouth, you are a lazy person that doesn't want to do their work and you are mean". Instead I would have laughed it off and said "No. I don't like you" and let them think I was joking.

I'm terrible, aren't I?

 

[Blazin Bones]

But that isn't Total honesty. I don't mean to pick Nikki, but the joke makes it even more dishonest. It's tough to think about just what honesty can do in a situation.

 

[Quath]

By default, I am very honest. Once people get to know me, they will let me know if that bothers them. My wife asks me to give white lies to her unless she asks "honestly."

But I think we are socially expected to lie. People say "How are you doing?" But they really want to hear "fine" or "very well." Or they may ask about their clothes or car and hope to get approval.

There are other lies that we use to protect people. "My wife is alseep and can't come to the phone." However, she may sick and throwing up, but doesn't want people to notice.

I also have to lie for my work. I have to protect national secrets and that may involve lies. However, in many cases I can just say "I can't talk about this."

 

[Nikki]

But that isn't Total honesty. I don't mean to pick Nikki, but the joke makes it even more dishonest. It's tough to think about just what honesty can do in a situation.

I never claimed to be perfect. I don't go around lying. Those are two instances when I will avoid total honesty though.

Joking about it isn't a lie. I'm telling them the truth. They just don't realize it.

I'm not going to intentionally hurt someones feelings and if I know that telling them the truth about their awful haircut or an outfit that I think is ugly, I'm going to avoid the truth.

 

[destiny]

Quath, I see 'brutal' honestly as a strength. But it definitely needs to be tempered with wisdom and discernment for the situation.

Tim, the word tells us to be merciful, and to be 'wise as serpents, yet gentle as doves'.
If a person asks you something about their self that 'can' be changed, you can be a little more honest yet 'wise' in how you respond.
But, if a person asks you to be honest about something they can't change about their self, then I feel mercy should trump over uselessly hurting someone over something they have no power over.


Wasn't there a Jim Carrey movie about this? :-D

 

[chris overy]

well i think if people are asking point blank then they are asking for your oppinion and how you feel. therefor i would tell them the truth. if they cant accept that well they need to do some growing up. because none of us can please everyone and jesus never lied to keep things cozy and comfortable.

the truth offends people no matter where you are and people do not want to hear it. but i think that it is very important to be honest. we dont have to be rude, mean or hateful. but deniing the truth can hurt someone worse than us saying falsely to make them feel good at the moment.

chris

 

[Blazin Bones]

Destiny brings to mind a very important thing that should accompany truth, which is the wisdom to use it. Christ, as chris said, didn't avoid truth even if the truth would increase tension or make a situation more awkward, but He also had the wisdom to always speak it in love.

Nikki, with the co-worker thing, it's tough to be honest. You would be right to tell her she's not living up to her responsibilities at work. However, telling her would be painful to her. Not only will she be in pain, but if you tell her, now you have the responsibility to first still love her and second help her is she wants to get better.

However, what is the difference between that situation, and the terms many have come to Christ? When we come to Christ, we have to recognize we aren't perfect or we aren't in control, and that truth can be Very painful to take. However, only when that truth is accepted can things get better. I think this is part of the reason we are told in James chapter 1 to ask and seek wisdom.

Quath, I think you are right that in many cases people don't want or just aren't ready to hear the truth. However, if I'm having a bad day, and you ask how I'm doing, I'll tell you exactly what's going on. I'm not saying I'm Mr. Perfect honesty, because that couldn't be further from the truth, but if honesty is what we want, we can change the expected norm.

 

[Jon-Marc]

Most of us cannot handle the truth. What people often want is everyone to agree with them. I don't like it when someone tells me that I'm wrong--who does? However, believe it or not : , I actually AM wrong sometimes. Well, actually, MOST of the time. :

Someone once said to me, "You're too honest." Is anyone ever TOO honest? I don't go up to a fat person and say, "Man, are you ever fat!" Nor would I go up to a homely woman and say, "With a face like that you shouldn't be out in public." :

"Honesty is the best policy." Perhaps some of you have heard that saying before, and I believe it's true, However, there IS such a thing as TOO much honesty when people are needlessly offended and hurt by our words. I grew up on criticism and put-downs and still suffer from an inferiority complex to some degree, although God has healed me quite a bit. Words can exhort or destroy. I know because until I left home at age 19 I was on the receiving end of destructive words given for the purpose of hurting by a sorry-excuse-for-a-dad.