[__ Prayer __] How do I do - as a father - to help and guide him?

[christianguitar]

Hello everyone,

This is my very first post here (I know, I should have introduced myself in the other "New member" forum first ... but this is actually a prayer request).

I am a christian man and a father. My son is 14 years old - and my request for prayers and advice is regarding him (and me as a father). Since he was about 10 years old he became aware of that he was attracted to other boys - as we (men) "normally" are attracted to girls. He is saved (and was baptized last year) - and he loves Jesus. I can see that he is a bit 'different' than other boys of his age; by that I mean he's a very sensitive boy (emotionally) and also a bit feminine in his 'body language'. He is a very kind boy - and I love him very much.

I personally belive that God created us as man and woman and that they belong together, but since the fall of man in the garden of Eden - the whole creation became corrupted because of sin entering the world. I believe that because of that - sometimes people are for instance born with sickness, handicaps, or develops different soul-related problems or distorted self-image.

How can I help my son - in becoming what God has created and called him to be? I don't belive in the tactics of "threatening" or scaring him with what God's word says about homosexuality... even though he today don't want to change (as he himself have told me). Neither do I believe in trying to introduce him to girls ..... they don't attract him today, and it won't help in whatever the root cause is. I'm searching for a more wise (and loving) way to help him.

What do I do? Please pray for him - and me - and that I get wisdom of God in this...

 

[AskTheA]

I'm going to warn you that I am not religious, so maybe you would wish to take my advice with a grain of salt. If you son is indeed homosexual or bisexual, it is not something you can "teach" out of him as many would have you believe. He may not be a homosexual for the rest of his life, but if he is indeed attracted to boys, there is nothing you can do to change that. If you try to scare/teach him out of it, you will be doing massive psychological dammage. You are going to have to love your son unconditionally. If you beleive that Yahweh does everything for a reason, you must deal with that. If Yahweh decides to change his orientation, He will do that as well. I THINK that there is some sort of Biblical justification for the statement "you should take care of your kids and love them".
It is likely that you beleive that homosexual behaviour is immoral, also that homosexual marriage is wrong due to your religious convictions. You must not let these get in the way of your relationship with your son. Are you a christian who is a father, or a father who is a christian? That's the important question. Assuming homosexual behavior is a sin, can it not be forgiven just as any sin is?

 

[sheshisown]

AsktheA~

This is a Christian forum. People registering here expect Christian advice and opinions. When it comes to matters such as this we as staff are compelled to keep replies well within Christian expectation.

As moderator of this forum I am warning you openly to respect this or we will issue you warnings as necessary.

First, this Christian is asking for Christian advice not worldly advice ~ which is all you offer. I am sure his own understanding of the bible is better than the limited knowledge you have. Second, it is intolerant to say the least for you to pre-judge this person’ faith without bothering to even ask him what he feels regarding this matter. Third, to speak to a parent about their causing some kind of imagined psychological damage to their own child, without knowing the situation at all, is simply rude.

Last, this Christian site does not mind debate, however there are some things which are definitely inappropriate for debate. Since you have obviously had trouble understanding the need for respectful behavior previously, ~the prayer requests forum is not one of them~.


That's a final warning before a formal warning is laid on your account.

sheshisown (forum moderator)

 

[christianguitar]

Yes, I am looking for a christian answer or advice in this matter .... I would just point out clearly that I'm not by ANY means going to judge my son, or scare him, or preach DOWN on him in this matter. I understand that he's in an age (teen) where lots of things happens physically, mentally and emotionally. I love him very much - and I DO want to be there for him, in the best way I know how to...

 

[handy]

christianguitar,

Since you say that he is saved and baptized, then he himself has the Spirit to help him through this. You aren't in this alone.

As far as helping him become what God created him to be, one thing that might be very helpful to him is to help him realize that God creates all of us, hetero, homo, whatever to be far more than just our sexuality. As a new Christian, he needs to be seeking God's will in his life, not just the sexual part, but God's entire will for his entire life. He needs to be seeking out how to build his character as a man of God, how to be a witness for Christ, how to walk humbly in integrity, before both God and men. These are all things that Christian parents need to impart to their children, no matter what.

As for our sexuality, God expects all of us, hetero, homo, whatever, to exercise self-discipline in the matter of our sexual behavior. God also understands that all of us, hetero, homo, whatever, experience tremendous temptation to go outside of God's boundaries when it comes to our sexuality, especially in this day and age where we are innudated with overt sexual messages from the time we are little. As long as he remains within God's boundaries, God will be pleased with him. As a Christian father, even if your son was hetero, you would be encouraging him to remain chaste until he is an adult and in a God honoring relationship. Helping our teens remain chaste is simply the responsibility of all Christian parents.

I think one of the hardest things that homosexually oriented Christians face is that they feel that the very temptation they experience is sinful in of itself. One thing I think you can help your son understand is that temptation is just that: temptation, and even Jesus faced temptation. As long as your son handles temptation by resisting the impulse to sin and to seek out instead how to please God, there is no shame in the nature of the temptation.

Another of the hardest things that homosexually oriented Christians face is a feeling of hopelessness in regards to the future. But here you can encourage your son that no one but God knows what the future holds for each of us. Encourage your son to grow in the Lord, walk in faith and integrity and trust that God will lead him to where Him wants him to be.

Although at this point he doesn't "want to change" (and that's understandable), encourage him that he doesn't need to change, but rather to be open to the new life and the new creation that God is working within him as a Christian. In other words, he doesn't need to feel the pressure that he "has to change" to be pleasing to God, just to allow the Spirit to change him, as the Spirit changes all of us from the sinful people that we are to be new creations in Christ.

Jesus said, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you." Just encourage your son to seek first God's kingdom, and to remain chaste in his sexuality (an expectation no matter what orientation he is) and to trust that God's plans for him are good plans that will bring him blessings in his future.

Also keep in mind that should he fail and fall into sin, whether it be the sin of sexual impurity or some other sin, that sin is forgivable. Repentence is something all Christians have to undergo and he will be no different.

Hope this helps, and I will pray for you and your son that God will lead your family through this.

 

[lovely]

Christianguitar,

I will pray that God will give you wisdom as a father. It's obvious that you really love your son, and remember that God loves Him even more than you do. Sometimes it's difficult to just turn a child over to God, especially when you know they are struggling with something that you can't go through for him, but God is so gracious and able to use things in this life to draw us closer to Him. The Holy Spirit is the One who does a work in us, we don't go through this life in our own strength. Trust that the Lord cares and will do a work in His son (your son) in His own timing and according to His own plans for his life.

I can't give you advice that will solve everything, or even give you some great insight that may offer you some comfort, but I can tell you that as a mother of sinful children, I just love them, walk with Christ before them, and wear out my knees praying for them. We are all sinners, and we all have to deal with our own flesh, even if we are belivers, so don't look at your son as if he is different than the rest of us because he deals with homosexuality, he's not. He is going to face situations where he is going to have to choose to please God as a believer...it's his walk to work out. Don't be anxious, just trust God in faith that He will help him overcome this world.

I think the best way to help him is to do what you are doing, pray for him, ask others to pray as well, and be who God has called you to be before him. Just go on loving him, teaching him the truth, and praying that God will guide him through faith. The Lord bless you this morning.

Handy, we were posting at the same time.