Roland
Member
So this is a huge prayer request for me. How can i become happy again..
about a year ago i started seeing a girl. after many broken relationships on both sides her and I clicked instantly. We were together for about 8 months, now i will admit it wasn't the most godly relationship, we had our struggles. but Before we started dating i told her what was important to me. that being God and that if i have a family i want them to be raised with a church family. She was more than open and receptive to it and through that, I brought her to Christ. she also brought me back to faith i had lost in the past few years. She asked me to go to church every sunday, even when i wasn't feeling up to it. She was also an answer to prayer as a few months before i met her i had given up on trying to find someone that actually cared. Told God i was done, he wins, if I'm supposed to be with someone he can bring them to me. Now i may not have met this girl in the best of ways, we may not have started off in a relationship how god would have intended. but through everything i believed more and more each day.
During Valentines Day last year, i took my girl to dinner, where we talked about the future, had some laughs and made a memory i will never forget. she asked me if she had ever thought about us getting married, and if i had been thinking of engagement. I replied yes, everyday. It wasn't going to happen soon but i was going to ask. I told my parents, I told her parents and they could not have been more thrilled. I felt like i finally had something in my life figured out.
One week later i went up to visit her. it was weird, she went to work so i went to a couple of our mutual friends. she never came home, said the roads were too bad. I just said okay, that's fine, thought to myself that it was kind of weird. the next day she came back from her friends place. we had been talking, and she freaked out. she was shaking and crying... saying she couldn't do this, she wasn't ready. promised me she wouldn't leave but needed space. that week she didn't speak to me. and then she called me and asked me to come up. she told me it was over...
the next couple months were the hardest things i have yet to come across in this lifetime. i did everything i could to save the relationship. it had good moments, and it had really bad moments. in may everything had ended, quite painfully.
Now i struggle with depression. I always have. I went to therapy to get help, maybe an understanding of what happened. It really didnt do much, but i moved on. through this ending thought i gave up on God. after the pain i had experienced in the previous 2 years how could he let this happen. i wished he would just take me off this planet. it was too much to handle.
over the summer i saw a couple girls, even dated one. however i woke up a couple times of the week thinking of only one person, you can guess who that was. but i was trying to find happiness in myself. i went out bought a motorcycle, tried going and meeting friends.
but this summer i experienced near death twice. first was when my car spun off the interstate at 80 mph when i fell asleep. fortunately i woke up and avoided everything and drove away without a scratch. the second i was involved in a motorcycle accident at 70 mph. an accident i walked away from with a few bruises and scratches but not even a concussion. god saved my life but why?! i dont have anything to offer. i work at a verizon. i dont have many friends. but after that accident nothing was the same with the girl i was dating at the time. all i could think about was what would my ex have done. nothing else really mattered. i tried to force this relationship to work but i t was dying quickly. when it did i sent my ex a text asking if there was something wrong with what i wanted in life. she asked who it was and then never replied.
3 days later she called me and talked for over 2 hours. she wanted to know everything that had happened. then said we shouldnt talk anymore cause she was with someone else. a week later she texts me saying she wanted to go to lunch, i asked her why and she said she was really stressed and wanted to show me what she had been doing in her internship, i wanted to say no. but i went. turns out later that night she called me and told me her and her boyfriend were over. he had been cheating on her the entire time and she meant nothing to him. she missed the fact that iw ould give up anything for her. the care, and genuine affection i showed. she missed my love. over the next 2 months things happened with life, we began talking daily. going to dinner and falling back into the relationship that i had fought so hard to keep together. i asked her if she was happy and she would always reply so much so.
then just a couple weeks ago, she came over and said she cant do this anymore and she needs time and space again. so here i am. giving this girl who had changed my life time and space. i don't know whats going to happen, and it terrifying. This is the girl that i was going to marry, spend my life with. and she is telling me she doesnt wasnt to be with me AGAIN. so i go to friends, family. broken heart in hand. what do i do. they say find what makes you happy and turn to God, when all i can do is ask God what is he doing?! why save my life from a certain death to bring her back into my life and then have her leave again. I desperately need prayer. If he wants me to turn to him i wish he would just show me what he wants from me! i want to have the relationship with him he wants but at the moment I feel hurt. Im trying to give it all to him. i really am.
about a year ago i started seeing a girl. after many broken relationships on both sides her and I clicked instantly. We were together for about 8 months, now i will admit it wasn't the most godly relationship, we had our struggles. but Before we started dating i told her what was important to me. that being God and that if i have a family i want them to be raised with a church family. She was more than open and receptive to it and through that, I brought her to Christ. she also brought me back to faith i had lost in the past few years. She asked me to go to church every sunday, even when i wasn't feeling up to it. She was also an answer to prayer as a few months before i met her i had given up on trying to find someone that actually cared. Told God i was done, he wins, if I'm supposed to be with someone he can bring them to me. Now i may not have met this girl in the best of ways, we may not have started off in a relationship how god would have intended. but through everything i believed more and more each day.
During Valentines Day last year, i took my girl to dinner, where we talked about the future, had some laughs and made a memory i will never forget. she asked me if she had ever thought about us getting married, and if i had been thinking of engagement. I replied yes, everyday. It wasn't going to happen soon but i was going to ask. I told my parents, I told her parents and they could not have been more thrilled. I felt like i finally had something in my life figured out.
One week later i went up to visit her. it was weird, she went to work so i went to a couple of our mutual friends. she never came home, said the roads were too bad. I just said okay, that's fine, thought to myself that it was kind of weird. the next day she came back from her friends place. we had been talking, and she freaked out. she was shaking and crying... saying she couldn't do this, she wasn't ready. promised me she wouldn't leave but needed space. that week she didn't speak to me. and then she called me and asked me to come up. she told me it was over...
the next couple months were the hardest things i have yet to come across in this lifetime. i did everything i could to save the relationship. it had good moments, and it had really bad moments. in may everything had ended, quite painfully.
Now i struggle with depression. I always have. I went to therapy to get help, maybe an understanding of what happened. It really didnt do much, but i moved on. through this ending thought i gave up on God. after the pain i had experienced in the previous 2 years how could he let this happen. i wished he would just take me off this planet. it was too much to handle.
over the summer i saw a couple girls, even dated one. however i woke up a couple times of the week thinking of only one person, you can guess who that was. but i was trying to find happiness in myself. i went out bought a motorcycle, tried going and meeting friends.
but this summer i experienced near death twice. first was when my car spun off the interstate at 80 mph when i fell asleep. fortunately i woke up and avoided everything and drove away without a scratch. the second i was involved in a motorcycle accident at 70 mph. an accident i walked away from with a few bruises and scratches but not even a concussion. god saved my life but why?! i dont have anything to offer. i work at a verizon. i dont have many friends. but after that accident nothing was the same with the girl i was dating at the time. all i could think about was what would my ex have done. nothing else really mattered. i tried to force this relationship to work but i t was dying quickly. when it did i sent my ex a text asking if there was something wrong with what i wanted in life. she asked who it was and then never replied.
3 days later she called me and talked for over 2 hours. she wanted to know everything that had happened. then said we shouldnt talk anymore cause she was with someone else. a week later she texts me saying she wanted to go to lunch, i asked her why and she said she was really stressed and wanted to show me what she had been doing in her internship, i wanted to say no. but i went. turns out later that night she called me and told me her and her boyfriend were over. he had been cheating on her the entire time and she meant nothing to him. she missed the fact that iw ould give up anything for her. the care, and genuine affection i showed. she missed my love. over the next 2 months things happened with life, we began talking daily. going to dinner and falling back into the relationship that i had fought so hard to keep together. i asked her if she was happy and she would always reply so much so.
then just a couple weeks ago, she came over and said she cant do this anymore and she needs time and space again. so here i am. giving this girl who had changed my life time and space. i don't know whats going to happen, and it terrifying. This is the girl that i was going to marry, spend my life with. and she is telling me she doesnt wasnt to be with me AGAIN. so i go to friends, family. broken heart in hand. what do i do. they say find what makes you happy and turn to God, when all i can do is ask God what is he doing?! why save my life from a certain death to bring her back into my life and then have her leave again. I desperately need prayer. If he wants me to turn to him i wish he would just show me what he wants from me! i want to have the relationship with him he wants but at the moment I feel hurt. Im trying to give it all to him. i really am.
