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How to get over a brake up

R

Rip Girl

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Hi i'm a girl of nearly 16 and has just broken up from a very intense serious relationship.

i need help on how to get over him, i've prayed and prayed to God and i know its early days yet but its still not working. i know God will help me get over him in time, but i need to now! i cant eat anything now and i have a very hard time sleeping and just end up dreaming of him! when i go out i just want to go back in to talk to him when i'm in i just want to go back out to get away from the memories.

we broke up on Sunday and he seems fine with it, it doesnt look like it hurts him at all and its like i dont really matter anymore.

he said i should start at looking at other girls and has already saw a girl he thinks it 'preety'. i just can not do that. i always thought we were going to get married and so did he until Sunday morning.

i really need some advice, i've seen the advice you people give and i was really hoping you would help me out.

Thank you.

-Emma
 
Do you really want relationship with boys to distract you from how you will turn out as an adult?

If you involve yourself with boys too soon in life, it can be all too distracting from the things that will ultimately sustain you in your adult life.

Work on where your focus should really be at this stage in your life.

I know it hurts to be going through break ups. I've had all too many of them in my day. Don't get too serious now. Let this break up be a blessing in disguise. You can now focus on what is important in your development into adult life. Be friends with others rather than focusing on being in relationship. Don't let any boy talk you into being immoral in your behavior. It will only lead to a broken heart. Just stick with being friends and your heart will be much better off and less likely to be broken from getting to emotionally involved with boys.

Trust that God will provide a decent man in your life when the time is ripe. When you have taken care of your education and your have developed enough to know a man of God when you come across one. When you get involved with boy/men too soon, you are then open to being pre-mature in knowing IF in fact they are true to their words and actions. Men of integrity don't lie to you, they don't do things that they don't follow up on and they don't lead you into a relationship to take advantage of the respect you deserve from them in the first place.

Let the love and respect you have for yourself stay in tact and don't let any boy/man take it away from you. Your heart will be broken if you do.

Stay friends for now. Wait until you are mature in knowing how to discern the spirit of people before you go getting too emotionally involved.

I know it hurts when we get involved too soon and it doesn't work out.
I pray your heart be healed as you learn to know the scripture better so that you can be confident in separating the wheat from the chaff, in separating the sly from the serious. Friendship is crucial and long term. Don't sacrifice your dignity for someone who only wants to take advantage of your sincere heart. don't give your heart away so easily. Keep it safe from future harm by protecting it with the utilizing the wisdom the Lord Gives to you as being a woman of integrity and honor. Don't double cross yourself and don't let anyone double cross you by stealing your heart pre-maturely being outside of the boundaries you need to set for yourself. Staying within that decency and dignity is going to pay off in the right time. First, work on developing yourself as a young woman of honor, integrity and dignity. You won't regret it. :)

The bible is so full of stories of woman you can learn from.
Jesus talked with many a woman and showed them the way to righteousness and just living.

Also, read the book of Proverbs, and when you get to parts that speak of slick behaviors, dont' forget, the man can be the one who is being like the loose women that are spoken of in that book. So be careful you don't get pulled into the slyness of the one who only speaks sweet words but doesn't live up to his honor and integrity as a man. That is why I say, learn the bible and the wisdom in it so you can learn how to discern the spirit of the person you are friends with. And so you don't give your heart over to anyone too soon. Give friendship the test of time before you jump inot relationship. If the man is right for you they WILL wait for you and the right time to marry without having to steal your honor and integrity before hand. Yes, there are good Godly men out there. You just have to learn how to spot them with utilizing the truth in the word to match up to their character. Becareful, these days, the minds of people are not godly. and if you want to be IN the righteouness of the Good Lord, then you need to be patient and hang with people of honor and integrity. It takes time to know a persons heart. Don't give it up too soon or outside of marriage to a Godly man. Test the spirit. How long is a good time of engagement before marriage? Well, the HOLY spirit will reveal the truth of that, when you ARE APPLYING the TRUTH IN the Word to your life situations. :) I don't think you can truly know anyone outside of their mature age. Some people don't even mature until they are well into their 30's And some never mature! :-? The HOly Spirit shows us who is mature and who is not IN the Honor of Godly spirit.

God bless in your focusing first on the right things in life for your future benefit. Be strong in the Lord and he will not leave nor forsake you. IF you cling to His word and disciplines. You have to keep with it. If you leave, you will lose the guidance of the Lord by not keeping it IN your heart and mind. His teachings are for your best interest. Trust it with all your heart. It is not easy, but it is well worth it.
Don't jump into relationships too fast. And save your heart. In due time, God will let you know from your wisdom of scirpture which man (not boy) But the right Godly man, is for you. Trust God's word, not that of some boy that so readily says, I love you just for his own hidden motives. Save your self for the one you are meant to marry. You only want to give your heart to the right man, in marriage, not pre-maturely.

I hope this helps.

God bless you and keep you. :)

.
 
Rip Girl said:
we broke up on Sunday and he seems fine with it, it doesnt look like it hurts him at all and its like i dont really matter anymore.
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guys don't show their feelings the same ways girls do. also, he might not be hurt by it. if that's the case, maybe he wasn't really as close with you as you thought he was. (shrug)

Rip Girl said:
he said i should start at looking at other girls and has already saw a girl he thinks it 'preety'. i just can not do that. i always thought we were going to get married and so did he until Sunday morning.
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having your heart broken, even a couple times, is a good thing in retrospect. it really hurts while it happens and it's no fun for the weeks and months after(years). but you will meet other people to be friends with, even some who you'll be romanticaly interested in.

i suggest take some time for yourself. in the time that you would've spent with him, instead, spend it doing something you've wanted to do but never done. is there a hoby you've always been interested in but never picked up? do you like traveling? maybe a martial art or yoga or camping? if you spend the time you would've been with him doing other things, new things, things which interest you, you won't have enough time to mope around stewing in self pitty. a couple days of feeling sad is enough. after that, turn yourself into a new you! :D
 
Rip Girl,

You sound like a sweety. I think it may be a good thing to focus on Christ and service to Him right now. You are a believer, and we do not do things, or shouldn't, do things as unbelievers do. I know that you may not want to hear this, but dating is not what's best for you.

We know that dating is for purposes of marriage...not fun. Though through a proper courtship process...it can be very fun and lovely. I do not know where your parents stand on this issue...but maybe you should ask them. Do they really want you dating? Maybe you, and other siblings, along with your mom and dad, should do a study on what Scripture teaches about this issue.

I will tell you that my daughter, age 3 now, will be protected from the world's dating method. It is not fruitful for a young girl to have her heart broken callously by some boy who is only old enough to put himself first. He has no claims on your heart, it should belong to your father. Until a young man shows maturity in Christian things...bearing fruit. Gets permission from your dad. And has an ability to take care of you, and your future children, by providing a home, and possessing a willingness to lead you in the direction of the Lord, and shows a dedication to protecting you and making you his family...he is not a candidate. I recommend reading Doug Wilson's book, "Her Hand In Marriage" It is based in Scripture and sound. The short story at the end is cute and true. I think you are probably a beautiful princess of our King's, and you should be protected physically, and emotionally, from the predatory method of dating that exists today.

Going out, and breaking up, serves only to harden your heart and cause you a load of baggage that you will carry into your marriage. Try and guard your heart and remain emotionally pure. Allow God to protect you in this area by obeying His word. There is another book that I can recommend reading for you..."Emotional Purity"...I can not remember who wrote it, but I borrowed it once and it was very good.

I am widowed, not involved presently, and not dating. I want to be emotionally and physically pure for my husband, should God choose to bless me with one. I spend my time in service to Him, studying His Word, and serving my children, and other family and friends as well as community.

Spend your time in training to be a good wife and mother. Study hard in Scripture, and other studies. Work hard in your home, cleaning, cooking, sewing, and other such things with your mom, and sisters if you have them. Take care of young children... at home first...then among others in your church. Learn to do beautiful things like, make gifts, send encouraging letters, sewing quilts and clothes, creating items for a hope chest, gardening, writing, music, art, decorating, and other such fine things. Develop friendships with your sisters and brothers, or girls at church or school. Learn more about God and His attributes. Spend time in prayer and study. There is so much you can do to draw closer to the Lord and enrich your life.

I am sorry that your sweet heart is broken. Grow and learn from this painful experience, and try to do things another way to protect yourself. If this boy is already on to another "pretty" girl, then you know that he was not what you thought. Be patient and wise.

Blessings.
 
Thank you so much for your replys every one, it means so much to me that you took time to help me out :)

Ben, (my ex) was a ver responcable lad, he was 19and always put me before him. He's a very dedicated Christian and didnt belive anything unles the Bible said so. He was the one who got me closer to God, my family who arnt very Christian like never helped me about it. we were very serious, he even asked me to marry him and i said yes but we wernt going to tell anyone till i was 18 and he could do it properly.

I was wrong to say that he was looking at another girl and dosn't miss me, i know i'm wrong. he says he is hurt but i think thats just the way he handles things.

I know i'm never going to be that close to a lad again till i've finished my education. he's ruined my chances of doing my GCSE's i'v not been able to revise as when i think, i think about him and cant concentrate.

But i know i would get back together with him anytime.

Thank you for your replies, it's realy helped :)
 
your break up just happened. Please give yourself ample time to hurt. If you just supress the hurt it will only get worse later on. Be true to your emotions, but try not to dwell on them.

do something special for yourself. when i'm down and need a pick me up i give myself some sort of beauty treatment like have a bubble bath with inscense lit, or paint my toenails or something like that.
 
From a guys perspective, the only answer to a broken heart is time. There really is no other answer. However, don't let the sadness control your life. Keeping busy always helps the time pass until the open wounds heal into time fading scars.
 
Rip, You've got a long road ahead of you. Just focus on what God has for you and who knows what He'll bring your way 8-) Plus, knowing that God is your focus can cure just about any pain. 8-)
 
Many never ask themselves "why is it that not everyone loves this person like I love this person" and they consequently fail to see that they themselves, rather than "the other," were the source of their love. In fact, we human beings more often than not see "the other" as the source of our love, but reality is that love is something which we ourselves project on others, so that those others consequently become like a projection screen for the love inside of us.

Sometimes, years after a break-up, we again run into one of those former lovers and we cannot, for the life of us, understand how we could ever have loved them as we once did. Why? Well, we changed, we grew spiritually and we now require a different kind of projection screen for the love that is inside of us.

Once we understand this, we also do not grieve as long as we once did. We understand that the love of which we thought that it had been crushed, like a flower under the wheel of a tractor, is still untouched inside of us and as beautiful as ever. Its projection screen was merely removed. Pain is normal, but when thoughts like "if I do not grieve long and intensively, I also haven't really loved" become the basis for a monument for our "lost" love, we know that we are overdoing it.
 
Yes, others are a projection screen for what resides inside of us and when we believe that we can recognize something inside someone else, we do, in fact, more often than not merely see a reflection of something which primarily resided inside of us. After all, how could we have recognized something if we did not already know it?

Someone who, as the good book indicates, calls someone else e.g. a liar therefore merely judges ... and condemns ... himself. For each finger which we point at others, three fingers are pointing back at us.
 
1) Guys are basically trained to not show love or hurt. They don't show emotion much either.

2) God created Adam. He put Adam in the garder, gave Adam everything he eneded. Adam was set. He was stable. Then God gave Adam Eve. Don't look for a mate until you are ready, finacialy stable if your old enough, stable period.
 
Guys are basically trained to not show love or hurt. They don't show emotion much either.
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This is very unfortunate that our society does teach us these idiotic beliefs that as men we are to be hard and not show emotion. It is rediculous.

If we are to be stable, then I don't know many people who would ever get married. :-D

I do agree that you should be at a place in your life that it is appropriate. But finances shouldn't play a large part in the decision. Otherwise poor people would never marry. Its good to be financially stable, but if you are at a point in your life that you know the person you want to marry and they feel the same way and nothing but finances is in your way, then don't let it be an issue. Things work out financially if you put your faith in God and work to glorify Him.

God has His plan and we have ours. Its definately better to go with His, He knows what is best for us, otherwise we are the ones who pay the price. :o
 
hey rip girl,
i am also 16 and i understand how you feel. and when i am upset i write and then i throw it away and if that dosen't work the i treat myself to a bubble bath and then i curl up in my chair with a book, my stuffed animal (it's a SNOOPY!!), and my favorite balnket. and eat oreos and milk!!!
and of course after all this there is time!! and if you feel like crying then cry don't try to hold it back!!

the only answer to a broken heart is time
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you are right except you forgot choclate!!
 
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