How to Support Foster and Adoptive Families

Focus on the Family · Sep 20, 2022

September 20, 2022

How to support foster and adoptive families

Answering the Call to Wrap Around Families Who Care for Vulnerable Children

Everyone Can Do Something

Christians are given a command in James 1:27 to care for vulnerable individuals. For Christians, caring for others is not optional. However, God calls His people to follow this calling in different ways based on their unique skills and abilities. While some people answer God’s calling by becoming foster or adoptive parents, there are other ways to get involved. Learning how to support foster and adoptive families is one of those ways.

Wraparound support for foster and adoptive families is a noble and necessary calling. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-27, the Apostle Paul describes the Church as a body. Each member plays a different role. The body could not function if it consisted solely of ears or eyes. Instead, the body requires all parts.

In the same way, Christians must engage with foster care and adoption in a variety of ways. Foster and adoptive parents need support from people whom God has called to offer their time, talents, and treasures. Additionally, in order to accomplish God’s calling on their lives, support systems need families who are willing to accept help.

Consider Your Calling

A person’s foster care or adoption journey will not always be linear. Certainly, some individuals support foster and adoptive families before eventually becoming a foster/adoptive family themselves. But there are also individuals who spend seasons of their life in different roles. They may begin with support, then become a licensed foster home for several years, and then transition back to supporting, mentoring, or advocating. A person’s calling may change throughout their life, depending on their season. Regardless of the season, there is always a way to engage with foster care and adoption.

Leverage Your Support

There is a dire need for wraparound support in the foster care and adoption community. Unfortunately, upwards of 50% of new foster families quit within their first year. These families have spent months training to care for children who have experienced trauma. They have prepared their home according to their state’s requirements. Their agency has completed background checks, interviews, and home studies. Then, often due to a lack of support, many foster families burn out. Consider the time, energy, and preparation that may go to waste. For those who are not called to foster or adopt, it is necessary to help encourage and support others who are called to foster or adopt.

There are over 400,000 children in foster care in the United States. Approximately 117,000 children are available for adoption. Around 20,000 youth age out of foster care each year. These numbers are staggering. It can seem overwhelming to approach foster care and adoption. But when everyone does something, anything is possible.

Get Your Church Engaged

Where is the first place a foster or adoptive family looks to for support? Ideally, it would be the Church. However, not enough churches in America are equipped to engage with foster care and adoption. Below, learn how to start a foster/adoptive family ministry and consider the benefits of partnering with others.

Becoming a Foster/Adoptive Family-Friendly Church

Community is non-negotiable for Christians. Jesus says in Matthew 22:39 that the second greatest commandment is to “love your neighbor as yourself.” The support someone would want while facing challenges is the support they should give. Although not everyone is called to foster or adopt, it takes only a moment to imagine one’s life in a different scenario. Not all Christians will foster or adopt, but each one can provide the support they would desire if they were in a foster or adoptive parent’s shoes.

Thankfully, Christians do not have to be alone in supporting foster or adoptive families. The beauty of the Church is community. Christians can work together as a church community to wrap support around foster and adoptive families. And each person can serve according to their abilities. Like the illustration in 1 Corinthians 12:12-27, a body cannot function if it is composed entirely of eyes or ears. In the same way, support for foster and adoptive families must be diverse.

Maintain a Foster/Adoptive Family Ministry

A reliable foster/adoptive family ministry is one of the best ways Christians can provide support for families caring for vulnerable children. A church may already organically provide support in small ways, but having a system makes the work sustainable. Many churches that start a foster/adoptive family ministry also support vulnerable families, families in crisis, or recently reunified families. This crucial preventative work helps keep children from entering or re-entering foster care. While a church can first look internally for families to support, they should not be afraid to look externally, as well.

Getting Started

Several organizations nationwide are available to help churches launch a foster/adoptive family ministry. For example, Georgia-based nonprofit Promise686 provides training, resources, and guidance to churches looking to support foster and adoptive families. Similarly, CompaCare is an organization that comes alongside churches to create a faith-based wraparound volunteer system.

Whether a church partners with an organization to launch a foster/adoptive family ministry or creates one itself, the general process remains the same: adopt a plan, appoint people, and allocate funds. It is also essential that volunteers are committed. Ministries may request volunteers to make a one-year commitment to a family, including at least one action of support each month.

Impacting Families

Through a collective effort of volunteers and leaders, foster/adoptive family ministries can make a tangible difference. Jolene Haffner currently leads the foster family ministry at Journey Church in Minot, North Dakota. She has seen volunteers support foster families through meals, cleaning, listening with empathy, playing with children, and much more. Jolene is also a former foster parent herself, so she knows the importance of ministries like these. There was not an established system of wraparound care when she fostered, but she remembers how it felt to receive even the simplest kinds of support. Now, she wants to help create that feeling for other families.

There are countless ways for a church to support foster and adoptive families. CompaCare, which helped launch the ministry at Jolene’s church, urges foster/adoptive families ministries to incorporate at least three types of support each month for a family: something inspirational, something practical, and something relational.

Inspirational support

Inspirational support helps keep a foster/adoptive family’s spirits high. Ted Stackpole, a former foster father and current CompaCare representative, has experienced firsthand the transformational power of foster/adoptive family ministries. One time while fostering, Ted and his family returned from vacation to find that volunteers had written countless letters of encouragement and left them throughout the home. The uplifting notes encouraged them to continue serving vulnerable children. A few days later, on a particularly challenging morning, Ted’s wife came across one of these letters that had been hidden away. The letter included precisely what she needed to hear to press on.

Practical support

Practical support can be as simple as asking the right questions. Rather than saying, “Let me know if I can bring you a meal,” volunteers can ask, “What’s the toughest meal you need to make this week?” For Ted Stackpole’s family, Wednesday nights were busy as they juggled homework, dinner, and getting ready for Wednesday night church. Volunteers committed to dropping off dinner every Wednesday night. Not only did this support Ted and his wife, but it also showed the children in their home that members of the church cared about them.

Relational support

Finally, relational support helps prevent isolation among foster/adoptive families. To build relationships with children, volunteers may mentor or tutor children to help them succeed in their personal or academic life. Relational support for foster parents may include asking direct questions, such as, “When was the last time you had a date night?” Ted Stackpole recalls one time that a team of volunteers came to his home to provide respite care. While Ted and his wife were away, the group of volunteers cared for their children and also did laundry, scrubbed toilets and showers, and more. When Ted and his wife returned home, the support was palpable. The team of volunteers supported their family relationally and practically, and the gesture was hugely inspirational.

Understand Trauma and Ask Questions

Jolene Haffner, who leads the foster family ministry at her church in North Dakota, has seen that one of the main reasons people hesitate to volunteer with foster/adoptive family ministries is a fear of the unknown. Working with children from hard places or families dealing with trauma can be daunting. For this reason, training is crucial for volunteers of the foster/adoptive family ministry and general church volunteers.

Whether in the nursery, children’s church, or youth group, church volunteers have the opportunity to show love to children from hard places. For individuals who interact with children in these settings, it is important to understand the impact of trauma. All children who are in foster care or who have been adopted have experienced loss because they are not with their biological family. The abuse or neglect experienced by children who enter foster care causes additional trauma.

Trauma can cause children to exhibit behaviors that are challenging for some caregivers. Foster or adoptive parents may be hesitant to attend church if they fear their child will not receive proper support in their class. A great way to support foster and adoptive families is to equip volunteers to care for children who have experienced trauma. Volunteers should be compassionate and understanding. They should welcome guidance from parents about what strategies will work best for their children. This support enables foster and adoptive parents to get plugged into worship, teaching, and fellowship.

Band Together With Other Churches or Agencies

Communication between local churches can lead to greater support for foster and adoptive families. Sometimes, several churches within a region duplicate their efforts because they are unaware of the work others are doing. However, by collaborating, churches can leverage their resources, volunteers’ time, and ideas to make a deeper impact. Partnerships between church ministries can also help to increase the longevity of the work and reduce burnout among staff and volunteers.

A roadblock for some churches that seek to support foster/adoptive families is not knowing how to identify these families. One solution is to contact local foster care or adoption agencies. Churches can build relationships with local agencies and learn more about where and how to find families needing support. Another way to locate foster/adoptive families is to search online for local support groups. A family may likely be interested in a church ministry coming alongside them. Finally, churches can ask within their network or denomination. Finding families to support may require time and effort, but the impact is more than worth it.

Display Christ's Love to Vulnerable Children

For some children in foster care, a foster family may be their first or only introduction to the story of Jesus. Therefore, the church community surrounding that foster family has an opportunity to display God’s love through their acts of service. This support reaches far beyond the present moment. The love that a child experiences from a church community has the potential to shape their entire future. But regardless of the outcome, no act of support is done in vain. Matthew 25:31-40 reminds believers that God sees even the smallest acts of welcoming, feeding, or clothing a stranger. It is written, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.”

Chapter Two

Practical Ways to Support

Wraparound support is crucial for the well-being of a foster or adoptive family. But sometimes, finding ways to encourage parents or connect with children can be challenging, especially if a foster or adoptive family is hesitant to accept help. Below are fourteen ideas for supporting a foster or adoptive family.

Simple Gestures

While the concept of “support” may conjure up thoughts of meal delivery and babysitting, consider the impact of the small things. Foster and adoptive parents handle unique and challenging scenarios daily. They chose to step into the hard and the messy. Yet far too often, they are ignored or dismissed by people who say, “This is what you signed up for.” One of the best ways to support a foster or adoptive parent is to approach them with an eagerness to listen and learn.

How to Support Foster and Adoptive Families:

Ask what they need. Every family has different needs. Some foster and adoptive families may be hesitant to accept help out of fear of inconveniencing someone. However, other families will be clear about what types of support will help the most.
Get to know the child in their home. Caring for foster and adoptive families includes caring for the children in their homes. Getting invested in the life of a child in foster care demonstrates love. And if one day a child in foster care reunites with their biological family, it can be a great source of comfort for their former foster parent to know they can talk to someone about the child they said “goodbye” to.
Understand and respect limitations. First, know that foster and adoptive parents have busy schedules. Sometimes, they must say “no” to an activity or invite due to conflicts with appointments or visits. Second, recognize that there are parts of a child’s story that foster or adoptive parents may be unable or unwilling to share. While asking questions is encouraged, be mindful of the steps a foster or adoptive parent will take to protect the child in their home.
Pray. Do not underestimate the power of lifting a foster or adoptive family up in prayer. A great way to support foster and adoptive families is to ask for any specific requests they are willing to share and remind them that they are being prayed for.

Tangible Support

Being part of a foster or adoptive family’s support system may include providing needed items to help the family thrive. For individuals who are interested in supporting a foster or adoptive family through tangible items, consider the following ideas.

How to Support Foster and Adoptive Families:

Bring a meal, goodies, or coffee. Delivering food is an excellent way to support a foster or adoptive family. If the idea of cooking a meal seems daunting, consider simpler ways to help. Donuts and coffee are great alternatives.
Deliver flowers or a card. On challenging days, foster and adoptive parents may need a reminder that things will be okay. Consider leaving a bouquet on a family’s front doorstep. Attach a card or include some chocolate to help them cope with difficult situation.
Buy clothing, supplies, and more. Some families welcome a child into their home with very little notice. They may need specific furniture or clothing for a child or sibling group. For individuals wanting to support foster or adoptive families in practical ways, being connected to a foster closet or a family directly can provide the opportunity to purchase the exact needs.
Housework and yard work. One of the best ways to support a foster or adoptive family is to help out around their home. Offering to do dishes, wash windows, or mow the lawn can be a huge blessing to families who are juggling so much.

Seasonal Blessings

Everyone can do something to help foster and adoptive families. For some individuals, supporting a foster or adoptive family periodically in meaningful ways is the best fit. The list below provides ideas for wrapping support foster and adoptive families around specific days, holidays, and seasons.

How to Support Foster and Adoptive Families:

Back-to-School. As children return to school, foster and adoptive families may face challenging days. Communicating with schools and teachers can be exhausting. Children may have difficulty adjusting to a new schedule. Support systems can offer specific services to help families through this time. For example, support systems can help transport children to and from school. They can offer to help with homework or tutoring as a child readjusts. Or, perhaps a foster or adoptive family simply needs a meal dropped off after a hectic first day back at school.
Birthdays. A child’s birthday can come with many emotions and behaviors, especially if the child is used to celebrating in a specific way with a biological or former foster family. A great way to support both parents and children is to help plan and carry out a celebration, birthday gift drive, or other ideas to make the child feel special on their birthday.
Holidays. From New Year’s Day to Christmas and everything in between, support systems can find ways to celebrate foster and adoptive families during the holidays. For example, a support system taking children for a “Christmas lights drive” can give the parents a few hours of rest while providing the children with a special memory. Watching Christmas movies, baking cookies, or writing cards are additional ways a support system can connect with children. There are also several Christmas crafts that support systems can make and donate to local child-placing organizations.

Get Invested

While some individuals are equipped to support foster or adoptive families during specific seasons or on certain days, there are several ways for others to get involved long-term. Making a deeper commitment to engage with foster care or adoption can be one of the best ways to support foster and adoptive families.

How to Support Foster and Adoptive Families:

Become a certified respite care provider. Be a blessing to foster and adoptive parents by providing respite care for extended durations. Foster care is managed at the state level in the United States, meaning the procedures and policies can vary. Typically, a respite care provider completes training to become certified. Providing respite care can enable foster or adoptive parents to take a much-needed getaway to recharge.
Become a court appointed special advocate (CASA). In the child welfare system, a CASA advocates on behalf of a child or sibling group in foster care. CASAs conduct research, get to know all parties connected to a case, and present an informed recommendation to the judge. When a CASA is assigned to a case, they remain part of the case until everything is resolved. This consistency can be pivotal for a child or sibling group who experiences so much change while in foster care.
Volunteer with a local bridge organization. Throughout the country, bridge organizations are collaborating with child placing agencies, foster parents, adoptive parents, volunteers, and more. Many bridge organizations engage their community by recruiting and training new foster or adoptive families, providing needed resources, such as clothing or furniture, or educating others about how to support foster and adoptive families. Volunteering with organizations doing this work is an excellent way to make an impact.

Chapter Three

Impacting Multiple Generations

Each person who engages with foster care and adoption has the opportunity to make a lasting impact. Supporting a parent, child, or family unit can have ripple effects. Educating oneself about trauma and prevention influences how one views the child welfare system. These actions can positively impact multiple generations of families.

Education

Many people intentionally remain uninformed about child welfare, the impacts of trauma, and how to support biological, foster, and adoptive families. There is a false assumption that foster care does not affect everyone, but that could not be further from the truth. There are over 400,000 children in foster care in the United States. These children are in communities throughout the country. They attend school, play at the park, eat at restaurants, and go to stores with their family. Just because someone is unaware of foster care does not mean it does not affect them. Similarly, ignorance is a poor excuse for not engaging with the foster care system. For Christians, ignorance simply cannot be an excuse.

Statistics

Of the 400,000+ children in foster care, approximately 117,000 are legally available for adoption. These children are waiting to be placed with a permanent family. Additionally, over 20,000 youth in foster care will age out of the system. The statistics of homelessness, unemployment, and unexpected pregnancy for this population are grim. However, intervention can change everything. When individuals engage with foster care, through fostering, adopting, or supporting, the stories of children and youth in foster care can change forever. And when a child or teen’s story is changed, so is the story for their children and their children’s children.

Trauma

While support systems need to know the statistics of foster care, it is also essential for them to understand the impact. Each number is a child, and each child has a story that includes loss. It may also include abuse, neglect, or abandonment. These experiences are traumatic.

Children who have experienced trauma may require unique parenting or discipline strategies. Foster and adoptive parents or children already in the home may experience secondary trauma. To be an effective part of a support system, individuals must be compassionate and understanding about the impacts of trauma on a child and family.

Prevention

Christians have the incredible opportunity and responsibility to step up and support vulnerable families. Intervening when a family faces a crisis can mitigate the negative impacts on parents and children. Preventing foster care is one of the most important ways to get involved. This can include donating food or clothing to organizations that partner with vulnerable families, single parents, or women with unexpected pregnancies. Prevention includes getting to know one’s neighbors or the families of children attending a local school or church. Being involved in the lives of others can help prevent isolation, abuse, and children entering foster care.

Advocacy

Foster care is managed at the state level throughout the United States. One way to engage with foster care is to advocate for change in laws or policy where needed. At a community level, those engaging with foster care can speak up about the needs of foster and adoptive families. On a personal level, support networks can share knowledge with others about trauma, child welfare, behaviors, and so much more. Supportive individuals can advocate for teachers and volunteers to receive training and resources.

Consistency

To impact children and their families for generations to come, support networks must remain consistent. Reliability indicates to a child that they are seen, valued, and loved. And consistency shows a family that their support network is in it for the long haul, even after the excitement of a new placement has passed and daily life becomes more challenging. Consistency is one of the biggest blessings a support system can offer to foster or adoptive families.

Chapter Four

Additional Resources

There are countless ways to support foster and adoptive families. As each person prays about what God has called them to do to engage with foster care and adoption, they can consult the resources below. These resources aim to educate, empower, and equip individuals of all backgrounds to make a difference for children and families.

Articles

Learn more about how to support foster and adoptive families by reading these articles:

Read the stories of real foster and adoptive families and the support they received:

Looking for more to read? Click here for more foster care and adoption articles.

Videos

Find more information and encouragement about how to support foster and adoptive families in the following videos:

Looking for more to watch? Click here for more foster care and adoption videos.

Focus on the Family Referrals

Note:

Referrals to websites not produced by Focus on the Family are for informational purposes only and do not necessarily constitute an endorsement of their content (including what you might find through their links).

Click here to find foster care and adoption resources, including Focus on the Family broadcasts, best-in-class books, referral recommendations, and more.

More Information

For more information about Focus on the Family’s foster care and adoption efforts, visit WaitNoMore.org.

How to support foster and adoptive families

About the Author

Natalie Hetro

Natalie Hetro is a Content Producer at Focus on the Family.

More by Natalie Hetro

The post How to Support Foster and Adoptive Families appeared first on Focus on the Family.

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Focus on the Family

How to Support Foster and Adoptive Families

Focus on the Family

Focus on the Family

September 20, 2022​