handy
Member
- Jun 21, 2007
- 10,028
- 99
A man wanted to buy a parrot. He was a Christian man and wanted to make sure that the parrot spoke only decent and uplifting things.
The seller assured him that he had a parrot which only said "hello", "Jesus loves you" and quoted several Bible verses. The man thought that was perfect, so he bought the parrot and brought it home.
As soon as he brought the parrot home, he took the cover off of it's cage, and said, "Hello, pretty parrot." To which the parrot replied, "Stick it in your ear, you blankety, blank-blank, rabberdasher, flippity *#%&!!!". The horrified man quickly slapped the cover back on the cage and immediately brought the bird back to the seller. Unfortunately, the store was locked and a sign in the window read:
Since it was getting late, the man had no choice but to take the bird back home with him.
Thinking perhaps the parrot was just overwrought with all the changes, being bought and sold and all, he lifted the cover off the cage and spoke calmly to the bird, "Now listen, parrot, this is a Christian household. We speak only words of love here!"
To which the parrot replied, "Why you can just go to ....." The man slapped the cover on once more.
It was quite the dilemma. Any time the cover was lifted for any reason whatsoever, a string of profanities would spew from the parrot's beak. Finally, the man just stop taking the cover off.
But that just provoked the bird all the more. Even with the cover on the man was subjected to the parrot screeching out the foulest of profanities.
Finally, the man had had enough. He threw off the cover, slung open the cage, grabbed the bird by the neck, and shouting "You can just go into the cooler until you've learned the error of your ways!!!", he threw the bird into his freezer and shut the freezer door.
After about 5 minutes, the man began to feel badly. It was, after all, one of God's creatures. So, he opened the freezer door and took the bird out.
The parrot looked at him and then said, "I want to apologize for the way I acted before. I was completely out of line and I do promise to try my best to speak humbly and contritely from now on out. I do not deserve it, but I do beg for your forgiveness."
"Certainly," said the man, "we all make mistakes."
"May I ask a question?" asked the bird in a humble and contrite manner.
"Why yes!" said the man.
Looking in horror at the freezer, the parrot asked, "What did that poor chicken in there do?"
The seller assured him that he had a parrot which only said "hello", "Jesus loves you" and quoted several Bible verses. The man thought that was perfect, so he bought the parrot and brought it home.
As soon as he brought the parrot home, he took the cover off of it's cage, and said, "Hello, pretty parrot." To which the parrot replied, "Stick it in your ear, you blankety, blank-blank, rabberdasher, flippity *#%&!!!". The horrified man quickly slapped the cover back on the cage and immediately brought the bird back to the seller. Unfortunately, the store was locked and a sign in the window read:
Closed!
Gone to Miami!
NO REFUNDS FOR ANY REASON!
Gone to Miami!
NO REFUNDS FOR ANY REASON!
Since it was getting late, the man had no choice but to take the bird back home with him.
Thinking perhaps the parrot was just overwrought with all the changes, being bought and sold and all, he lifted the cover off the cage and spoke calmly to the bird, "Now listen, parrot, this is a Christian household. We speak only words of love here!"
To which the parrot replied, "Why you can just go to ....." The man slapped the cover on once more.
It was quite the dilemma. Any time the cover was lifted for any reason whatsoever, a string of profanities would spew from the parrot's beak. Finally, the man just stop taking the cover off.
But that just provoked the bird all the more. Even with the cover on the man was subjected to the parrot screeching out the foulest of profanities.
Finally, the man had had enough. He threw off the cover, slung open the cage, grabbed the bird by the neck, and shouting "You can just go into the cooler until you've learned the error of your ways!!!", he threw the bird into his freezer and shut the freezer door.
After about 5 minutes, the man began to feel badly. It was, after all, one of God's creatures. So, he opened the freezer door and took the bird out.
The parrot looked at him and then said, "I want to apologize for the way I acted before. I was completely out of line and I do promise to try my best to speak humbly and contritely from now on out. I do not deserve it, but I do beg for your forgiveness."
"Certainly," said the man, "we all make mistakes."
"May I ask a question?" asked the bird in a humble and contrite manner.
"Why yes!" said the man.
Looking in horror at the freezer, the parrot asked, "What did that poor chicken in there do?"
:toofunny
