Humility and Success

[humble soul]

Ok as Christians we are not supposed to care about worldly success.
Still ....
As I look back on my mildly successful moments in life, humility was there. Among other ingredients such as being able to look at oneself objectively and learning from mistakes.
When you can bite the bullet and say "I was wrong" or
"I was on the wrong path" or
" I was getting too full of myself. Too complacent."
When our ego gets too big, we become stubborn and rationalise our decisions and thinking. " He deserved my insults."
I could have been a better teacher. If I got a public speaking coach or even some counselling. I was too stubborn to admit it was a problem.
I really can be a humble soul sometimes. But it's usually by accident. ?

 

[humble soul]

I had a really traumatic first year of teaching. It gave me a real inferiority complex. While other teachers breezed through the day, I was in a state of emergency most of the time, anxiety-ridden.
I took on responsibilities other teachers avoided. I was constantly going the extra mile to compensate for my lack of teaching talent. I felt like an imposter. "I don't deserve to be here. Who am I kidding?" I taught the 9 and 10 year olds. The 12 year olds seemed like giants. Because they were the top dogs in the school. I had a real phobia about them. Their confidence frightened me. I hid in my room with the young ones. Like a shell-shocked soldier in the trenches. I had constant headaches . Fear and exhaustion became my companions. It was masochistic in a way. I thought I deserved to feel bad.

 

[humble soul]

I've thought of writing my life story. It's not that it is any more special than anyone else's. It's just that I might exorcise some demons. Like therapy.
I would like to do warts and all but it may offend some family members. Some warts are just to hard to admit it even scrutinise again. I feel a victim of my family culture but mostly I am a victim of my own pessimism and self-betrayals. And of course I have been a perpetrator too. There are victims of Humble Soul's self loathing and negativity. And his decadent addictive phases as well. Where he worshipped the Golden Calf just like the Israelites.

 

[humble soul]

I admire people who can share their warts and all stories. Because other people sharing their sins, can make us feel a little less guilty about our own mistakes in the past. It decreases the shame. If only temporarily.

 

[humble soul]

The holy lives of my parents puts me to shame. I live in their shadow. They lived humble lives without hating others. They rarely spent time reflecting like I do. Their lack of education was possibly a virtue. They were those "decent" folk you find in that generation. They seemed to have money to cover the essentials but never enough to spend on themselves. Dad had not a racist bone in his body. He treated everyone the same. When Mum died he never expected pity or compassion. Instead he spent time volunteering for the poor.

 

[Tessa]

You had lovely parents Humble. Praise The Lord for that!
You must have good qualities you learned from them too.

 

[humble soul]

You must have good qualities you learned from them too

But you haven't noticed any yet??

 

[Susannah]

Egos and Humility
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Can I make money, advertise my services and still be humble? I hope so. I really believe that I am but a channel for God. What I have to offer flows from somewhere, why not from the one who holds me close from some mystical place in the universe.

Matthew 5:15​

Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bushel. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.

Channels​

From St. Francis . . . I memorized this during my first month in recovery. It is part of the AA literature and is one of many passages that indicate AA's early roots in Christianity. The 12-Steps saved my life and gave me what I could not [at the time] find in church or therapy, both of which I embrace in my old age.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand [gnosis];
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning [forgiving] that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying [surrendering] that we are born to Eternal Life.
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