Hurt by a Friend

[Jane1]

My mom’s friend’s husband is extremely jealous of my mom because they are such good friends and do lots of activities together. My mom’s friend and her husband have been going to therapy to try to work on their marriage and his jealousy. They are BFF’s and she knows her friends troubles with her marriage and husband. She told my mom that she was going to therapy a week ago and has not texted her till tonight. The usually text every day/ every other day and are always bike riding together and stuff. My mom was worried all week, then she texts today saying she knows that silence is like death to my mom , and that she decided to work on her marriage and was not going to text or get together with her till the holidays are over. (Whatever that means) My mom was hurt deeply that she knew how much my mom didn’t like her waiting a week without texting her to say that, and saying over a text and not in person or on a phone call. My mom’s friend said that she still looks forward to seeing her at church and other large gatherings. My mom wanted her to call her so they could talk about it and she could get a picture of how that would look like, since her kids always come over to play and we have grown close to her parents. She has no idea how to act if they come up to her and just wants to understand how this would work. She said if she would not call her she would come over to her house to talk to her. She said she wasn’t at home. The friend sent back a really long text saying that she has to go along with it and that she won’t talk to her on the phone until a week from now and only for 1 hour at 8am. My mom knows her schedule and knows that she has ample time to call and talk, so she feels hurt and doesn’t understand why she won’t call her. They are going to be at church tomorrow, and my mom knows she won’t be able to hide her hurt and anger, so she is planning on not going. The rest of us are still going and I’m not sure if I should try to talk to the friend and explain how my mom feels and see if I can get her to call her earlier (of course saying my mom didn’t tell me to do this). I feel that maybe she doesn’t understand that what she has done has caused my mom sadness and anger. What do you think I should do? I know my mom will keep being sad and angry till she gets some sort of closure and waiting a week would be torture for her.

 

[Hidden In Him]

The rest of us are still going and I’m not sure if I should try to talk to the friend and explain how my mom feels and see if I can get her to call her earlier (of course saying my mom didn’t tell me to do this).

Well this part sounds like a good idea to me.

Blessings in Christ, Jane, and welcome to Christian forums.

I don't want to make it sound like the husband is in the "right" here because it may be that he has deep insecurities that are driving him. But at the same time, it could be that the wife truly doesn't spend much time with him while spending a great deal of time with your Mom. Depending on the particular marriage, that could bother any husband, so maybe the friend realized that this is how her husband was feeling and decided to try and put her marriage first for awhile to prove to him that he was still important to her.

Not truly sure however, since I don't know the exact situation. But certainly I would go and let your Mom's friend know that she's hurt, and wished the friend could explain things. After that, you just have to wait, and hope the husband softens his heart enough not to deprive either of them a way to maintain their friendship.

Hope it works out for all concerned, and welcome once again
Hidden in Him

 

[for_his_glory]

Hi Jane1 and welcome to CF

I think your mom needs to respect her friends choice of working on her marriage and just wait until she is ready to talk with your mom again. It's not your mom's fault or her friends fault that her husband is jealous of the time they spend together, unless it interferes with the time her husband wants to spend with her doing activities.

Seems like her and her husband are trying to work this problem out and your mom just needs to let her know that she will give her friend some space for now.

 

[WalterandDebbie]

My mom’s friend’s husband is extremely jealous of my mom because they are such good friends and do lots of activities together. My mom’s friend and her husband have been going to therapy to try to work on their marriage and his jealousy. They are BFF’s and she knows her friends troubles with her marriage and husband. She told my mom that she was going to therapy a week ago and has not texted her till tonight. The usually text every day/ every other day and are always bike riding together and stuff. My mom was worried all week, then she texts today saying she knows that silence is like death to my mom , and that she decided to work on her marriage and was not going to text or get together with her till the holidays are over. (Whatever that means) My mom was hurt deeply that she knew how much my mom didn’t like her waiting a week without texting her to say that, and saying over a text and not in person or on a phone call. My mom’s friend said that she still looks forward to seeing her at church and other large gatherings. My mom wanted her to call her so they could talk about it and she could get a picture of how that would look like, since her kids always come over to play and we have grown close to her parents. She has no idea how to act if they come up to her and just wants to understand how this would work. She said if she would not call her she would come over to her house to talk to her. She said she wasn’t at home. The friend sent back a really long text saying that she has to go along with it and that she won’t talk to her on the phone until a week from now and only for 1 hour at 8am. My mom knows her schedule and knows that she has ample time to call and talk, so she feels hurt and doesn’t understand why she won’t call her. They are going to be at church tomorrow, and my mom knows she won’t be able to hide her hurt and anger, so she is planning on not going. The rest of us are still going and I’m not sure if I should try to talk to the friend and explain how my mom feels and see if I can get her to call her earlier (of course saying my mom didn’t tell me to do this). I feel that maybe she doesn’t understand that what she has done has caused my mom sadness and anger. What do you think I should do? I know my mom will keep being sad and angry till she gets some sort of closure and waiting a week would be torture for her.

Hello Jane1, And welcome here with us, But They That Wait Upon The Lord Shal Renew Their Strength, But Please Keep Us Updated.

Love, Walter

 

[Tenchi]

The rest of us are still going and I’m not sure if I should try to talk to the friend and explain how my mom feels and see if I can get her to call her earlier (of course saying my mom didn’t tell me to do this). I feel that maybe she doesn’t understand that what she has done has caused my mom sadness and anger. What do you think I should do? I know my mom will keep being sad and angry till she gets some sort of closure and waiting a week would be torture for her.

Welcome to CF.net!

The same thing happened to me and my brother (who's only fifteen months younger than me) when he married. We had been best friends since childhood, doing everything together. We were super-close. But when my brother married, his wife began to resent how much time we spent together and how good our relationship was. We had been building our friendship since we were babies, almost, so it was far deeper in many ways than what my brother had with his wife. They had only been together for two years when they married, after all. And so, the day quickly came when my brother said to me that he'd have to cut way back on our interactions so that his marriage could grow to its proper depth. I was...wrecked for a while. I was still single, you see and had put all my friendship "eggs" in the one basket of friendship with my brother. It was very hard to suddenly be, well, totally at loose ends. But, I knew that my brother's marriage to his wife was far more important than his friendship with me.

Anyway, where does He figure into all of this stuff going on between your Mom and her best friend? Is your Mom doing as God has told her to do in the Bible and representing Him to her friend? We're supposed to be transmitters of God to all those around us. Do you see God in the way your Mom is acting with her friend, or just your Mom?

Did you know that God puts the marriage relationship over every other human relationship, except a person's relationship with God? Your Mom's friend is actually doing what she should be doing when she puts her marriage before her friendship with your Mom. Does your Mom really understand this? Do you? If you do, maybe you could help your Mom accept that it is actually better for her friend that her marriage is strengthened than it is for her friend to keep angering and neglecting her husband while she spends time with your Mom.

I get that you love your Mom and feel very sad about what's happened between her and her friend. Be the hands and heart of God to your Mom. Let Him speak through you and encourage your Mom to support and respect her friend's marriage-building even if that means cutting back on their times together.