[ Testimony ] I don't know what to title this

[evenifigoalone]

I copied this over from something I had written on another site over a year ago, but with improved spelling.



In late 2009, I began moving into an amazing relationship with God. I was calmer, more focused, and almost always thinking about God or the Bible. I wanted to tell others about Him. Then I ran across this show and began to get obsessed with it over into 2010. I told myself to be careful and not let it get between myself and God, even talked to some strong Christian friends of mine about it. But I couldn't stop. I wanted to watch or think about this show constantly. What I should have done was limit myself, but I did the opposite.
Long story short, I began getting depressed. The only thing that would cheer me up was watching that show. It got the the point where I seriously wanted to commit suicide, though I never attempted it. At first I'd attempt to ask God to pull me out of this despair. I read Psalms a lot, which did help me. But God was telling me to limit myself from my obsession with that show and at this I balked. I told Him that I'd rather continue this way than give up my obsession with that show, even saying I didn't want a relationship with Him anymore. Thus I remained depressed. I began admitting to myself that I was rebelling against God and eventually got to where the very mention of God would make me feel uncomfortable.
That was the darkest, and most confusing, time of my life thus far, and if that had continued much longer, I really think I would have renounced Christianity. I eventually told myself I needed to ask for help and advice, so I did. I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone but my dad and some online friends about it. They prayed and gave me some advice.
I finally limited myself from the obsession I had developed (and stuck to it this time) and my depression stayed for about two more weeks, but began disappearing. As I couldn't watch that show, I began focusing on my relationship with God once again.

All throughout my depression, God would still show Himself to me in some ways. I mentioned that I'd read Psalms. I found out that David (who wrote a great number of the Psalms) seemed to feel the same way at points in his life that I was feeling during that point in my own life.
God is so amazingly patient and forgiving. I had turned my back on God, yet He did not turn His back on me.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
~I John 1:9 KJV

 

[BornAgain]

I copied this over from something I had written on another site over a year ago, but with improved spelling.



In late 2009, I began moving into an amazing relationship with God. I was calmer, more focused, and almost always thinking about God or the Bible. I wanted to tell others about Him. Then I ran across this show and began to get obsessed with it over into 2010. I told myself to be careful and not let it get between myself and God, even talked to some strong Christian friends of mine about it. But I couldn't stop. I wanted to watch or think about this show constantly. What I should have done was limit myself, but I did the opposite.
Long story short, I began getting depressed. The only thing that would cheer me up was watching that show. It got the the point where I seriously wanted to commit suicide, though I never attempted it. At first I'd attempt to ask God to pull me out of this despair. I read Psalms a lot, which did help me. But God was telling me to limit myself from my obsession with that show and at this I balked. I told Him that I'd rather continue this way than give up my obsession with that show, even saying I didn't want a relationship with Him anymore. Thus I remained depressed. I began admitting to myself that I was rebelling against God and eventually got to where the very mention of God would make me feel uncomfortable.
That was the darkest, and most confusing, time of my life thus far, and if that had continued much longer, I really think I would have renounced Christianity. I eventually told myself I needed to ask for help and advice, so I did. I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone but my dad and some online friends about it. They prayed and gave me some advice.
I finally limited myself from the obsession I had developed (and stuck to it this time) and my depression stayed for about two more weeks, but began disappearing. As I couldn't watch that show, I began focusing on my relationship with God once again.

All throughout my depression, God would still show Himself to me in some ways. I mentioned that I'd read Psalms. I found out that David (who wrote a great number of the Psalms) seemed to feel the same way at points in his life that I was feeling during that point in my own life.
God is so amazingly patient and forgiving. I had turned my back on God, yet He did not turn His back on me.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
~I John 1:9 KJV

I read this the other day during my bible study and it helped me to understand that nagging conscience we have at times. It may not apply to you but it helped me and thought I would share it with you...

1 Tim 1:5

Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:

The purpose and end of God's law is that man may be led to do God's will out of a pure heart and with a good conscience and faith unfeigned. It takes all three of these conditions to make service acceptable to God. A man without a pure heart, a good conscience, and faith that is unfeigned cannot do acceptable service to God. Men harden their hearts and sear their consciences by doing what their consciences condemn. A man who thus violates and corrupts his conscience cannot do acceptable services to God. While the good conscience may lead men to violate the will of God, run counter to his teaching, it cannot serve God without it is kept pure. A man's conscience is denied, blinded, seared by doing what he knows is wrong or refusing to do what he knows is right. There is no more dangerous condition in which a man can place himself than to habitually do what he knows to be wrong or refuse to do what he knows to be right.
Of the same nature is the expression "whatsoever is not of faith is sin." Rom 14:23.


This Scripture is usually applied in a sense differing from the meaning of the apostle. Its use is not one hurtful in its nature, or out of harmony with the Scriptures, and it grows out of the true meaning of the apostle in this text. The meaning clearly is that of doing a thing as an act of worship, in reference to which we have doubts, we condemn ourselves. That is, we cannot violate conscience; if it has doubts, they must be respected. The convictions of our hearts must be honored.
God accepts nothing as worship that is not done heartily with full faith. The inference is clear that one who habitually violates his convictions of right soon loses all sense of right, hardens his heart, and makes his reformation impossible. The old philosopher who averred his ability to move the world, if he only had a fulcrum on which to rest his lever, expressed a universal, necessary truth. In the material world the lightest particle of matter cannot be moved without a fulcrum on which to rest the lever that moves it. It is equally true in morals. No movement of our moral sense or action can take place without a moral fulcrum on which to rest the lever of truth which moves it. That fulcrum is the sense of right in human nature. If it is destroyed, there is no starting point to correct man's moral and spiritual errors. Paul found mercy because he did his evil in ignorant unbelief; his conscience was good, pure, active; his sense of right was keen and sensitive. There is always hope of such men; God has respect for them. But when a man trifles with his convictions, does violence to his conscience, holds the truth in unrighteousness—that is, does not practice what he knows to be right, especially if he practices what he knows to be wrong—he corrupts his own moral nature, destroys his sense of right, and cuts off all possibility of his turning. In many evil ways is this protesting against wrong, yet encouraging the wrong, manifested.
—Gospel Advocate Commentaries

 

[Gordon]

I am glad you overcame your obsessive thoughts. I went through something similar but it was a person not a show. God showed you the way out.