I fell away from faith

[ecvy]

Hi everyone,
I've been lurking for a little while and thought I'd delurk in order to actually say hello! (If this is in the wrong place or anything please feel free to delete or move as neccessary.)

I was raised catholic and believed until I was around 13. It was always my intention to be the best catholic I could be. I was going remain a virgin until I married and study English at university before going to teach in the catholic sector. When I was almost 13 I fell in with some lads from church who were older than me and my friends. Needless to say, their intentions were not the same as ours and we were groomed and essentially repeadedly raped, beaten and cowed by them for a couple of years before 'escaping'.

Anyways, the point of my saying that is within that time I broke every single thing I felt was important to my faith. I had pre-marital sex- some of it was rape but sometimes it seemed easier just to consent to avoid pain. I tried to stab a man. I abandoned God entirely. Worst of all... at 14 they made me have an abortion.

I tried to ... feel Him. Been back to church in the decade since and I don't feel anything but I feel as if there is a hole there where I could feel Him before. When I pray, I don't feel as though anyone is listening. I oselate between feeling that's because I'm too unholy for redemption and feeling as though it's because nothings there.

I have had endless amounts of counselling and my life is entirely back together - I finally came to university and do plan to go into teaching - except God doesn't seem to be here anymore.
And I miss Him.

Anyway, I couldn't see any posts from people with similar issues and was hoping someone could offer me some advice on how to return or even if it's possible with what I've done.

Thankyou very much for any help anyone can offer. I hope this post doesn't offend anyone.

 

[RND]

Wow, you've been through so much. You might want to read this book - I know it has helped me and my understanding about God and Jesus Christ. It's a short book. Enjoy and God bless.

Steps to Christ

 

[JoJo]

Anyway, I couldn't see any posts from people with similar issues and was hoping someone could offer me some advice on how to return or even if it's possible with what I've done.

I just quoted from this passage in another thread, but I think it fits here too:

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God."

It's not too late to turn to Jesus and receive His salvation.

 

[ecvy]

Thanks so much!
I'll read that book and thankyou for that quote Jojo. It's great to have somewhere to look rather than just floundering around in sort of panic, lol.
Thanks again.

 

[JoJo]

Look at David: he committed adultery with another man's wife and then had her husband killed. Look at Paul: he persecuted Christians. But both men were servants of the Lord. God has a heart for forgiveness--such a heart that He gave His Son to suffer the punishment for our sins so that we could be set free from sin and the penalty of hell and eternal separation from God. Turn to Christ, confess your sins, turn away from sin, ask Him for his forgiveness, trust in His salvation and rejoice in His love!

 

[Carol Lowery]

Welcome aboard ecvy in the name of Jesus to CF. There's plenty of us brethern here to help in any way we can to minister to your needs. I hope in Christ that your stay here will lead you where you want to be in your walk with Christ. Know it's rough, but keep your focus on Jesus and not on what the enemy whispers in your ears. He wants you to feel hopeless, helpless, and forgotten, but remember Jesus is always there by your side waiting on you to ask for your needs in HIS name. Have faith, and hold on tight to our Saviors hand despite what that lying devil attempts to speak upon your spirit. I rebuke his lies in the name of Jesus on your behalf.

Honey don't ever think you're beyond redemption through Jesus Christ....HE is our Savior. Honey I was the most God awful living creature on the face of this earth for 43 years, and HE saved me. HE loves the broken hearted, the beat down to the ditch of dispair children that no one pays any attention too or think of them as invisibles. You're not invisible to Jesus honey.......HE loves you and is waiting on you to surrender and allow HIM the priviledge to be your Savior and Defender and Provider. I'm a living example of HIS divine intervention, from the very evil person I once was, and my whole life being a lie.

Don't loose hope, Christ has given each and everyone of us a personal reservior of hope to grab ahold of in our hour of need. Reach up and grab a handful and put it in your pocket by FAITH! Knowing that what you ask for in HIS name shall be done, and don't allow the enemy to tell you different. And there's brethern here that will be in godly agreement with you. Our Lord says that when two or more of us are in agreement in HIS name that HE is in the mist of us, and whatever we ask for in HIS name, by faith shall be done. All it takes ecvy is a mustard seed size of faith for this to be done.....ask and it shall be done.....trust in HIM! Be confident, we serve a Father of Truth, who's not capable of lie.

 

[glorydaz]

I'd like to extend a warm welcome, too.

You've been through a lot...overwhelmed with all sorts of feelings, I'm sure.
I'd encourage you to wait patiently for that still small voice. It will come.

And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?