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I really need advice

My middle son rebelled so hard, I asked the State to step in. They did. He was gone for a year. We went through family classes and restructuring. At the time, it felt like failure and the end of the world. That child returned thankful to us. I have great respect from him now and he is very quick to accommodate any request I make to him. We are very close. It changed the family for the better entirely. I had to let go to get him back.
 
Lady Terra said:
I had to let go to get him back.
Click to expand...

My parents had to do the same with my sister and I think this will be the case with my niece. Only problem is that she's less than 4 months shy of being 18 and free to do what she wants. The state isn't going to step in at this point.
I wish I could post everything so you could truly understand why I'm panicking and wanting her to come here. :sad
 
She also is failing 11th grade. She will be almost 20 before she graduates at this point. I think the best option for her would be for her to get her GED, but my in-laws aren't going to allow that to happen and once she turns 18, I can't drive her to the college each day for classes. She doesn't have her license and can't get it now because of her low grades.

Wow...I just looked at the college website and you can now complete the program online. This would be a great option for her if she continues to have problems and struggle in traditional high school: https://www.forsythtech.edu/cce/continuing-education/ged-adult-high-school/
 
I work for a college, If she gets a GED it is ok. It does not end her career options to much. I went into Air Conditioning Technology at age 32. As a female in a non-traditional career, I make more money than your average woman. The world is full of opportunities. There are re-entry programs. She sounds like she was given a good foundation. She most likely will stabilize. God gave every soul freewill. It is hard to let go. She wants to let the adults in her life to let go and quit making choices for her at this time in her life. If confused teens go into the State system, I know this information due to I had a teen that rebel on me. They get counseling, real life training courses, if they turn 18 years of age while in the system they get special educational grants and get to claim 100% independent when filling for grants and scholarships for future education. There is a program for them to work or go to school and have their apartment paid for until they are 21years old. They can build their lives away from their guardians. When children do not have their natural parents they sometimes need time to figure out their emotions. My children lost there father at a very young age and later in their teen years, they did lash out.
 
We've had my niece for 4 days now. Not sure if this is going to be permanent or just temporary. Continued prayers would be appreciated.
 
It looks like this is now permanent. The in-laws stopped by today, wouldn't come in, asked for me to send her out and they basically just asked her why she didn't want to come home and then proceeded to tell her how much she's hurt them. She told them that they hurt her too and they said she was demon possessed. *sigh*

She's been wonderful here. We've talked quite a bit and she knows she has done wrong. But so have they (I have not said this to her though). I wish I could get her in therapy (she agrees it would be good for her), but the in-laws won't give me her insurance information. So for the time being, I'm going to get her involved in the church youth group.

Please continue to pray for God to guide my family through this transition. Even though she's been great and has helped tremendously with housework, it's still a change to bring someone else into the family. I also worry about the financial strain. She's sleeping on a futon but I want to get her a bed. I'm going to have to buy her clothes because they wouldn't let her take many of hers. My girls are going to church camp and she would like to go (and it would be SOOOO good for her), but that's $200 that I really don't have since I just paid for my own 2 girls.

I am trying to have faith that everything will work out, but I will admit that it scares me a bit now that it's really happening. I've been sick to my stomach all week and I know it's because I'm worried.
 
Prayers continue, Nikki . You are so wonderful to take on this additional responsibility. Your heart is in the right place: with our Lord!

Be blessed!
 
Continued prayers needed. In-laws have been horrible throughout these past 3 weeks. They are SO mean to her. The only thing they do is criticize her and tell her she's full of the devil when they talk to her on the phone. DH said it was the same way for him when he was growing up. They are making her return home next weekend and go to summer school. It's only for 4 weeks. Please pray for her protection and for us to not lose all of the progress we/she has made these past 3 weeks. She went to church camp with my girls all last week and she told her counselor some of the horrible things that were done to her by her moms ex boyfriend. She also told me that she realized that she had closed her heart and mind to God and that she knows she has to open it back up and start talking to him again. I'm so scared that things are going to crumble apart again once she goes back to the in-laws. *sigh* August 11th is the magic day and she will no longer have to answer to them and can leave for good. It just blows my mind how someone can be so hateful to their own grandchildren, but at the same time, they were hateful to their own kids, so I guess nothing has changed.
 
Update: Summer school ended Wednesday and she moved in yesterday. Things this past month were awful for her. They continuously threw her bad choices from the past in her face. She would let them know what she had repented a long time ago for those choices and had changed, but they just kept beating her down.

Continued prayers would be appreciated that things are smooth sailing from this point on.
 
*sigh*
I am wondering if we did the right thing.

My niece has been with us since late July. She's failing math and English BUT her teachers and guidance counselor are working with her and her grades are slowly coming up. She's got A's and B's in all of her other classes. She's not disrespectful at all, but there is a huge amount of tension between she and my husband.

About a week before she moved in, we noticed a change in DH's dad. I kept saying that he wasn't acting right and eventually he got to where he couldn't remember how to do basic tasks, he stopped talking, he couldn't eat right, and he even forgot his one daughters name one day. It took me 2 months to convince DH to make his mom take him to the dr. I kept saying that he had either had a stroke or alzheimers was setting in fast (he's in his late 70's).

Sure enough, it was several strokes (which is why he kept getting worse).

Of course, DH now blames them on my niece. I'm sure it IS because of the stress and chaos that was going on in that house, but I've made DH promise not to say anything to my niece.

Since my niece has been with us, there was a time where me and my mother in law really had it out with each other. I'm talking a day where we screamed on the phone at each other, hung up on one another, and then I refused to talk to her for about a month because she said really hateful and untruthful things about me. When I'm mad, it's best I step away till I can calm down. We have since begun speaking again and she actually came to my grandfathers funeral the other day (that's another story that I can't talk about right now). She pulled me into her arms and held me for the longest time.

I know that everything wasn't their fault that happened with my niece. I'm seeing that my niece has a lot of issues and maybe even some mental problems. With that being said, she still hasn't been a problem at all at our home.

BUT DH wants her gone. He said he will never get used to having her in our house and he feels uncomfortable in our home. We can't throw her out! She's switched schools to a different county and everything. DH won't talk to her and she's scared to even be in the same room with him. He speaks to her with an attitude and it's as though he TRIES to make her uncomfortable. She spends all of her time in her bedroom if I'm not there.

Please help. I need advice. DH and I got into a huge argument last night because me and my girls didn't get home till after 10pm because of a school event (my niece wasn't authorized to help) and I found out that she had been in her room all night and had not eaten anything. DH didn't ask her if she wanted supper and she was too scared to come out of her room.
 
Well, after 4 months of my niece living with us, she decided she no longer liked living here when I started making her go to tutoring, when I started fussing at her over her grades, when I busted her in numerous lies, when I got mad at her for trying to burn things in her room, when she left a knife in my daughters car on school property (Thank God that nobody found out), etc. So she left to go back to the grandparents, where she verbally abused them and then hit my mother in law. She then left and is now living with her boyfriend and his family.

Yes, I was fooled. Big time.

My in-laws and I said some horrible things to each other. Thankfully, we made up about a month and a half ago. His mom apologized to me and I to her. She accused me of many things that weren't true and she has repeatedly apologized to me and we ended up growing closer than we have ever been in the 19 years that DH and I have been married. So close that she even said "I love you" to me several times. She never said that to her own kids. She admitted that they made a lot of mistakes with their own kids and also my niece.

Soon after my niece moved in with us, my father in law started acting weird. He then started forgetting how to do daily things. We finally convinced my mother in law to take him to the dr and they discovered that he had a stroke right around the time that things got bad when my niece was living with them before she came to live with us. The dr's told him to take an aspirin a day and they didn't seem concerned. He continued to slowly lose more and more of his thought process and memory.

My father in law died suddenly a week ago tomorrow from a massive brain bleed. He leaned over to plug in a new tv they had just bought and he collapsed over it. 9 hours later, he was dead.

I thank God that he gave me the chance to make ammends with my in-laws before my father in law passed. Unfortunately, my husband never took the time to do the same or to spend time with his dad before he died.

We also buried my grandpa in early October and our friends 23 year old son who was like our own when he was younger, was killed in a car accident 2 weeks ago.

And now my niece is trying to take things from my in-laws. She lies and lies and lies too.

It's been a crappy year.

The death of my father in law has opened hearts in the family though. DH has never been the giving type. In fact, he used to get mad when I would give to people or charities. Now, he is wanting to adopt a needy family for Christmas. My mother in law is now saying "I love you" to all of us. DH said he never heard that growing up. She has also accepted her bi-racial grandchild that she's always shunned.

I only pray that good can come out of all the bad we have been experiencing. Please continue to pray for all of us. Especially my DH. He is hurting so bad right now. I cry daily just seeing how much he's hurting.
 
All of you are in my prayers, Nikki . I also give praises that, through the trials you've experienced, you & your in-laws have been able to breach the gulf that separated you. Your mother-in-law needs you, as does your DH.
 
Hi Nikki
I'm sorry you have gone through so much but I happy that good has come out of it as well. I will pray or all of you. May God Bless you and give you wisdom and strength.
 
I have tried helping numerous young people over my life time. Only one or two of them pulled out of their self-destructive behaviors. The Lord tells us to not grow weary in well doing. I will keep you in my prayers. Remember seasons come and go.
 
We have had young nieces in and out. Horrible parents. I have learned that my best weapon is prayer. There are so many kids that need help out there, and I can't help them all.

Our niece got pregnant, turned lesbian for a bit and Not a thing I can do about it, but pray.

One thing I have confidence in, my prayers do not return void, and God will honor them once those kids are past the foolishness of their youth.
 
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