I started to believe in God again but my life got so much worse

[nightoul]

Hello everyone
I started believing in God several years ago when I was 15 and after a few months entered a local church. But sadly I could never feel ok there, instead I was stressed all the time and stopped going to that church eventually. Although I've always been difficult with relationships I found really good friends during high school but they were all non-Christians. I never really stopped believing in God but during those times I was feeling guilty because I wasn't going to church and was trying to avoid those people I met there because I was afraid of the past I guess.
But not only that, I always felt deep in myslef that I have something against them, that I never felt comfortable with them and that made me feel guilty even more. Why is that? It's so unreasonable yet I can't stop having that feeling.
Last year I fell in love with a non-Christian girl in college. She liked me a lot but sadly didn't love me so I decided to come back to God at that point because I thought that it's the result of my inconsistency in life, all those years living among non-believers and making strong bonds with them and at the same time having noone to talk to about faith and God. So I came back to God, however, I didn't wish to come back to that church because I didn't like it there so much (and I feel guilty to say so). I also had a bad experience on the first day I went there, they asked me to step out and offered to pray fot me so that I could receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, they laid hands on me and prayed but unfortunately it was very unpleasant for me. I guess that I still can't get over this horrible experience even though I thought I did. I mean, I was relatively ok all those years I was in high school and without walking with God but now it seems that all those depressions are back and it's worse than then. I know that God doesn't want us to be depressed but how can I really recover? Do you think I should meet new believing friends? I also pray to God to at least show me what I can do to fight this but I am still too confused, sometimes I even doubt that God exists or at least cares...

But what's the most intimidating to me is this sense of aversion or discomfort or something that I have being among Christians and on the other hand I've always felt ok among my classmates who didn't believe. Why is that? Why would even this HAPPEN, it is so unreasonable. I want to be fine with God those who believe in Him JUST LIKE ME and not have these issues because it's cruel how confusing it is, do you think it's just devil? And do you know what I'm talking about, has anybody experienced this?
Also, my life just generally was worse all those periods when I believed in God (it only brought stress in my life - maybe I never really tasted Jesus? Say it, if you think so. I need truth to move on.)

I found Dr. Martyn Lloyd Jones' quote about the unregenerate:
"It is possible for the Holy Spirit to influence us to a certain point and still leave us short of regeneration." and "It is a complete fallacy to imagine that an unbeliever has never been touched by the Spirit at all. These more general influences of the Spirit are often seen in evangelistic campaigns." What do you think of it? Do you agree? (Not just once did I have a feeling that maybe I still don't have the new life at all.)

 

[farouk]

Hi there; I think it's good to remember that Hebrews 11.6 says:

'He that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him'.

 

[Grazer]

I've very often struggled with whether I've been saved or whether I've fallen out of grace but my favourite verse reminds me that I am and I haven't

Romans 8:1 NIV

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

 

[vocalyocal]

Hello everyone
I started believing in God several years ago when I was 15 and after a few months entered a local church. But sadly I could never feel ok there, instead I was stressed all the time and stopped going to that church eventually. Although I've always been difficult with relationships I found really good friends during high school but they were all non-Christians. I never really stopped believing in God but during those times I was feeling guilty because I wasn't going to church and was trying to avoid those people I met there because I was afraid of the past I guess.
But not only that, I always felt deep in myslef that I have something against them, that I never felt comfortable with them and that made me feel guilty even more. Why is that? It's so unreasonable yet I can't stop having that feeling.
Last year I fell in love with a non-Christian girl in college. She liked me a lot but sadly didn't love me so I decided to come back to God at that point because I thought that it's the result of my inconsistency in life, all those years living among non-believers and making strong bonds with them and at the same time having noone to talk to about faith and God. So I came back to God, however, I didn't wish to come back to that church because I didn't like it there so much (and I feel guilty to say so). I also had a bad experience on the first day I went there, they asked me to step out and offered to pray fot me so that I could receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, they laid hands on me and prayed but unfortunately it was very unpleasant for me. I guess that I still can't get over this horrible experience even though I thought I did. I mean, I was relatively ok all those years I was in high school and without walking with God but now it seems that all those depressions are back and it's worse than then. I know that God doesn't want us to be depressed but how can I really recover? Do you think I should meet new believing friends? I also pray to God to at least show me what I can do to fight this but I am still too confused, sometimes I even doubt that God exists or at least cares...

But what's the most intimidating to me is this sense of aversion or discomfort or something that I have being among Christians and on the other hand I've always felt ok among my classmates who didn't believe. Why is that? Why would even this HAPPEN, it is so unreasonable. I want to be fine with God those who believe in Him JUST LIKE ME and not have these issues because it's cruel how confusing it is, do you think it's just devil? And do you know what I'm talking about, has anybody experienced this?
Also, my life just generally was worse all those periods when I believed in God (it only brought stress in my life - maybe I never really tasted Jesus? Say it, if you think so. I need truth to move on.)

I found Dr. Martyn Lloyd Jones' quote about the unregenerate:
"It is possible for the Holy Spirit to influence us to a certain point and still leave us short of regeneration." and "It is a complete fallacy to imagine that an unbeliever has never been touched by the Spirit at all. These more general influences of the Spirit are often seen in evangelistic campaigns." What do you think of it? Do you agree? (Not just once did I have a feeling that maybe I still don't have the new life at all.)

being a real Christian and experiencing real one on one with Jesus can never be accomplished through half trys and partial faith

living for Jesus is like a Texas Hold em game, and you shove in all your chips foward and say "I AM ALL IN" every portion of your life, your sex life your money, your friends and friendships, everything falls under His scrutiny, if it doesn't line up with Him its dumped and kicked to the curb
"

 

[duari91]

Sometimes people are able to coast through life without much trouble. Other times, people have a very hard time trying to get through life. Being a believer in God is not relative to blessings. Job was God's most loyal servant at his time of existence. Yet God chose to literally destroy everything Job worked hard for, even the things God blessed Job with. Job didn't know why these things were happening, he didn't know what he had done. He spoke to the sky, and had asked God why he had done these things. God interjected, and basically told him that bad things happen to EVERYONE. Regardless of the level of pain and suffering you go through, it is our job to stay loyal to God.

Jesus made it very clear that we would be persecuted as Christians, but not to fear because we have ultimate life after death.

Regardless of what happens, it doesn't mean you are alone. God is always there with you, that way you don't have to walk down the trail of pain and suffering alone. He is walking right beside you so long as you call for him.