My former pastor of 94 years of age still preached 4 different sermons or studies per week to a rather sizable assembly until our LORD took him home. As a young man, angry out looking for an adversary with a strait razor to kill him, the Lord didn't allow that. He began preaching not long after that, and he made the remark one time that if you haven't got mad at God, you hadn't walked very long with Him. He said he had quit preaching many times.
Read the testimonies of the prophets; it seems most of them had grievances. Elijah in 1 Ki 19:14 And he said, I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts: because the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.
Jonah of Jon 4:1 But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry. Jon 4:3 . . it is better for me to die than to live.
Job, that perfect and unrighteous man of Job 1:8, but in Job 3:3 he says: Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived.
You ain't alone in your sufferings Brother
jeff77, God's work in you for your good continues until you're face to face with Jesus.