funnygirl,
I would say that your offense is still against God, because you are being discontent in you marriage, and engaging in adulterous thoughts by reserving some of your heart from your husband...and lending it to another in fantasy.
Your husband will NOT meet all of your needs. God will, though, if you turn to Him and seek His Truth in the matter. You are focusing on what you feel are shortcomings in your husband, and then comparing this aspect of your marriage to another past relationship altogether. You can't compare reality to fantasy...how? Fantasy is make believe, and the past is not the present. You do not know what life would be like with your ex now, and you are denying that God knows what's best for you. I would even suggest to you that your picture of romance and 'best friends' is not a realistic one. If it were, then your heart would be where it should be, and you would be steadfast in your commitment of love to your husband, even in fantasy, because romance and friendship are not based in emotion, but in the consistently serving, and working hard at your marriage. Love is service and work, and only in this genuine reality can real romance spring forth. God united the two of you, and so it's best, not the make believe idea that you have conjured in your mind. With a healthy dose of Truth, your marriage can only flourish in to God's best. Renew yourself daily in Him, and give your heart and life in service to your husband as your first ministry to our Lord.
Think about this for a second, your husband should not have to live up to your expectations of fulfilling you idea of friendship and romance in a marriage. Are they even correct? Do you even know what you want yourself, what these things look like from God's perspective? I hope he doesn't try, because he would be just trying to please whims, and discontentment, in you...things that shouldn't even be there, and things that just simply aren't going to be pleased. God made you to be his helpmeet, not the other way around. God also desires that you be joyful and thankful in your circumstances. If you are focused on the problems, or what you believe are problems, then you will remain discontent...and you will begin, as you have, to think of others. It begins in a way that seems innocent, but it will grow, and then maybe even turn into action. Find out what God says about marriage, and then apply it yourself...let God change your husband if he needs any changing, but be willing for Him to begin with you.
I would encourage you to pray and ask the Lord to show you how to be a friend to your husband, and to give you a realistic view of what this looks like...I assure you the reality is far better than a fantasy with someone who is not even 'one flesh' with you. God will give you your heart's desire, however it's never a self-serving desire, but rather one of self-less serving....but more fulfilling than you can imagine. Don't try to be a better wife, turn from your sin and turn toward Christ, and He will make you a better wife...He will give you a sustaining love for your husband, and for your ministry as a wife. If HE builds the house, then nothing can destroy it. He can make you pure again, renew your mind, and give you the strength and understanding your require to be a woman of grace who is flourishing in her marriage...I think you will be amazed at how your husband will grow too.
Pray, study God's Scripture written for wives, and start with giving your husband honor. First honor him in your mind, with your thoughts...always being faithful and thankful toward him in your fantasies. Then honor him as the head of your home by respecting him and serving him in reality. In turn, he will come to love you more deeply, show affection because he truly desires to, protect you and lead you, and become a man encouraged and growing in Christ daily...as he is built up by his wife's words and deeds. I can't stress enough pray for your husband, your marriage, and study the Word to wives. Change your focus from fantasy, to reality....get a vision for Godly reality. I hope this helps you, my sister, and I have prayed for you tonight. The Lord bless you.
